Let me preface this by pointing out a couple things: Tampons don’t work for me - I can only do pads. I have PCOS so I have to take hormones for a week every 90 days to have a period.
1. Having to wear TWO pads (end to end with a bit of overlap) all the time because one overnight, super-long, super-absorbency just doesn’t cut it.
2. Having to take two showers every day (regular shower at night and a quick rinse off in the morning) because of course the pads didn’t work as advertised.
3. Having to change underwear at least twice a day because of course the two pads didn’t cut it.
4. Wondering if it’s just normal ovulation or if a ovarian cyst popped.
5. Standing up from a sitting position and feeling it gush. Laughing and feeling it gush. Crying and feeling it gush.
6. Sneezing and thinking that you will cover the world in blood.
7. Pretty much doing anything and feeling it gush. (Oh, there’s an eyelash on your cheek? Let me bleed everywhere while you get that)
8. The period stuffs.
9. The period farts where you know, you just know that you now have a splatter of blood on your granny panties.
10. No seriously, the combination of period stuffs and period farts.
11. Because I wear pads, the complete embarrassment of purchasing the huge econo-sized box of Always Super Long Super Absorb Overnight pads at CVS.
12. The looks your lady friends give you when you mention that you can’t do tampons and so yes, you wear pads like a 12 year old girl.
13. The sound of pad wrappers in an echo-y bathroom. “No ma’am, those aren’t snacks I’ve brought into the bathroom with me, that’s my loving pad wrapper.”
14. Having to sleep on a towel. And then having to wash said towel.
15. The constant fear that everyone around you can see the outline of your pad(s) through your loving pants.
16. The ever-so-slight rustling noise when you wear a pad while wearing a skirt. Nope, that’s not your jersey-knit skirt making that noise, that’s your loving pad.
17. Can other people smell that smell? Am I freaking out about it? I change pads every hour, it can’t be that bad. 18. Maybe I’m just freaking out. But for serious, is it bad?
19. Wanting to cry because you never feel clean after wiping your ass after a period stuff. For that matter, never feeling clean at all.
20. forget the pain of sore titties.
21. Not being able to find a position where you don’t feel like you’re going to leak through the pad, panties, and pants all over the place.
22. The nasty gooey almost chunky but not fully solid clots that you pass. “Oh look, my uterus just stuff that out, how loving amazing.”
