Dear Ephialtes.
I'm not sure how to say this, but I figured I must get this out of the way. Starting in 2011, whenever I saw your posts I had a.. Issue. Not a issue with you, but rather a physical impromptu that occurred whenever I saw your posts. Essentially, I get hard at the sight of you and your posts. And with you gone now, I've reached a halt in my loveual activity. No longer can I sate myself with simple fantasies involving me printing your posts and stroking myself with them, as there are no recent posts of your to satisfy my overflowing lust. No, because of you've left, now I can't get off in general. Ephi, I need you.
So what I'm asking isn't for you to come back, it isn't for you to even post.
But I want you to be aware of my feelings for you. You putrid forget.
-grunterdb1951