It's been a year.

[Squideey]

An entire year of feeling the worst I've felt in my life.

I finally got to see my doctor and he prescribed me something to augment the antidepressants I'm already taking. So here's some history: months ago on Jan 1st, after months of slowly easing off the medication, (I felt good enough that I felt I didn't need it anymore) I stopped taking the antidepressants all together. That month turned out to be a new record in how stuffty I could feel. After that experience, I started going back up on the medication, but something was wrong. It's been almost an entire year and I still feel the same. I'm going on an even higher dose than I was in 2013, and everything around me is stuff. I'm feeling almost manic because I want to get off this planet, but I obviously can't.

When I go to school I stare everyone down and judge them out of my own insecurity. I don't have any friends, and I don't believe in myself to be able to hold a conversation to even keep one. I don't look at someone's face when I talk to them, and I don't smile.

Everything triggers my depression and anxiety. A lonely soda can on the street will do it. My dad eating a sandwich will do it. There are lots of topics that I can't listen to people talk about without getting nervous ideas about the horrible future I keep imagining. Every time I feel happy I subconsciously remind myself that it's all going downhill, and I snap back to reality. I feel so desperate for any kind of feedback and consolation that I don't even care that I'm posting this here.

Somebody will crack jokes about what I'm saying, and I feel like an idiot for even writing it. It's loving impossible. I'm judging myself for even writing this stuff. I feel like I'm posting this just to make people think I'm dark and mysterious. I don't want to be like that.

Posting this is social Self Delete for me. I feel like I've built up a reputation of being silly, and I've been taking it apart after the past few months. I think it's important for me to do this. Nobody probably cares or even remembers who I am though.

This new medication is supposed to improve the effects of the antidepressants I'm already taking. I really, really, really, hope this stuff works, or if there's ANY kind of solution. I can't believe I'm even here after how hard this year has been for me. I can say that it's the worst year I've experienced in my life.

[Ad Bot]

[Maxwell.]

I remember who you are, we used to talk through steam long ago (2011-2012?) then we stopped and you removed me. I did notice you were acting unlike yourself when you started posting frequently again, but this didn't come off as dark and mysterious it just feels like you're venting stress, which is perfectly fine.

[Pecon]

I hope the best for you. As much bad stuff I've heard about antidepressants, I sincerely hope this one works for you.

[Frostbyte]

It's not social Self Delete for venting stress squideey, everyone needs to release some once in a while.

I hope you get better with this stuff though man, you've always been one of my fave fourmers and I'd hate to see you depressed.

[the hacker]

I feel virtually the same. Sometimes I'll have recent events linked with stuff I like and stops me from enjoying that thing. For example, someone once yelled at me while I was playing Psychonauts; and now I can't enjoy playing that game anymore.

[Squideey]

I remember who you are, we used to talk through steam long ago (2011-2012?) then we stopped and you removed me. I did notice you were acting unlike yourself when you started posting frequently again, but this didn't come off as dark and mysterious it just feels like you're venting stress, which is perfectly fine.

I'm happy you somehow noticed.

I hope the best for you. As much bad stuff I've heard about antidepressants, I sincerely hope this one works for you.

The medication has done it's job perfectly since I started on it in 2009. The thing with medication is that there's a lot of trial and error, and it doesn't work for everyone. I consider myself lucky for having it work so flawlessly for this long.

I've been going to therapy and reading books about anxiety and depression, meditation, etc.. I've been doing a lot of learning.

It's not social Self Delete for venting stress squideey, everyone needs to release some once in a while.

I hope you get better with this stuff though man, you've always been one of my fave fourmers and I'd hate to see you depressed.

My mentality has been that I have to remain almost anonymous in order to secure my future success. I've convinced myself that being a reclusive artist will give me a free pass to fame. I know this is wrong, but it's irrational like a phobia.

I feel virtually the same. Sometimes I'll have recent events linked with stuff I like and stops me from enjoying that thing. For example, someone once yelled at me while I was playing Psychonauts; and now I can't enjoy playing that game anymore.

I feel similar that I can't take criticism. I'm deathly afraid of making mistakes and annoying others that it prevents me from doing anything.

[Evar678]

I don't know who you are (I've seen you around), but you seem to remind me a lot of me. Things'l get better, trust me. I can't say I've experienced what you have been before but I can say that it's been dang close.

If you want you can add me on steam, I could probably relate at least a little and maybe help out where I can. Best of luck ^-^

[Crispy_]

holy crap i had no idea you had any problems like this squideey, i remember you being all silly and stuff
(unless you're a different squideey but i doubt it)

i hope you end up being happy after all these problems are settled

[Tokerovin]

It sounds like you need to get in touch with your inner spirit and accept the ways of the universe.

The things you cannot change, you must let go.

HIT A brother WITH SOME JESUS

[}]Crazy[{]

I can say that it's the worst year I've experienced in my life.

I just seen your name. Squideey, a funny youtuber, comedian, nice guy
possibly my favourite blockand user, is going through bullstuff
Yeah squid, this world is tough, and its never fair
which is what I absolutely hate about life.
But you shouldn't look at your or other peoples imperfections.
Look at what they can do. What they are good of.
Look at the good side, if you keep thinking bad you will
get bad in return. Just smile, laugh, do anything. You choose where it goes.
And its best to climb that hill again, wipe off your sweat and say
"I'm gonna make it."
You're not alone on this, anyway. I would be more than willing to stand
by your side at any problem if I could.
And to give yourself a boost, try to find something you like, something you enjoy(ed)
something you can make yourself feel happy about. You can feel happy.
You're Squideey. Now go back into that ring, champ! Show em whats for!
im not saying this to look like a king, im saying this from my heart.