Let's Play X-COM Long War

[Decepticon]

ELVIS - THE RESURRECTION

[Ad Bot]

[Rigel]

Lol, doctor krieger is a nigerian cunt.

[tber123]

Lol, doctor krieger is a nigerian cunt.

Ohgodwhy

[the hacker]

Lol, doctor krieger is a nigerian cunt.

[Rigel]

We should put those scientists to work on researching carapace armor.

Or we could always just waterboard some floaters for the research credit.

[tber123]

Lone Knife

Van Doorn: There's our contact.
Sniopeh GoodJob: Too suspicious. Almost like he's going to quickdraw and betray us.



Sniopeh GoodJob: What reprisal? We're loving X-COM, baby! We abduct randoms, we have cults worshipping our Commander, we use Outsider Crystals as disco balls, and we kill aliens and eat them!



Sniopeh GoodJob: HOLY stuff! HE'S QUICKDRAWING US!

*BEWM*



Dr. Krieger: Why the hell were the rest of you idiots not on Overwatch?








Heavy Weapons Guy: Central, VIP is secure. No alien contact at all. Heading back to the Skyranger now. This will be a walk in the graveyard.

2 minutes later



Revolver Rookie: Thin Men dropping from the sky. Zhang, stay in cover.
Dr. Krieger: We're surrounded! Don't get shot, I don't want to waste a medkit.



Revolver Rookie: One down. Krieger, theres one on your left!



Dr. Krieger: Get down, Zhang! Taking the shot!



Van Doorn: Chryssalid bastards! Get away from my men!



Wei Shen: Say hello to Dr. Vahlen for me!



*HEADSHOT*



Revolver Rookie: Everything is quiet. Get Zhang to the Skyranger before more of them show up.
Dr. Krieger: Look out! Chryssalid!



*FPEWM*



Van Doorn: Rockets away! I'm not going down without a fight!



Sniopeh GoodJob: Thin Men trying to sneak up on me! Laser to the face!



Sniopeh GoodJob: Zhang is in the skyranger, there are no more aliens, you thinking what I'm thinking?



Van Doorn: I don't know what you're thinking.
Dr. Krieger: Are you seriously looting an ice cream store?
Sniopeh GoodJob: Nobody else is around, and they'll just blame it on the aliens. Cmon.
Heavy Weapons Guy: Bradford won't be too happy, probably. IF he catches us.



Zhang has decided to join us.



Right after this operation, there was another operation. Intercepted radio chatter revealed "pissed off alien hulks firing loving plasma everywhere and stealing women" in Brazil.



Zhang: If they move, then they die.



Rigel: No need for Overwatch when you can give them a good critical hit to the eyes.



Rigel: Pissed off green things! Its the godamn Hulk! How am I going to punch THAT in the face?



Rigel: Lucky for me, however, the Arc Thrower works fine.



X-COM Commander: I guess we should promote Highway Robbery to officer.



Highway Robbery: Godamn FINALLY. You know how long I've been waiting for this?



Current Research: Thin Man Autopsy

Things X-COM Operatives Are Not Allowed to Do, a hilarious list from the Reddit and Space Battles community
161. Even if the media are blaming it on the aliens, stop looting ice cream stores before returning to base.
161a. This does not mean Operatives are allowed to loot everything except the ice cream stores.
161b. Stop bribing the Skyranger pilots with the ice cream/sweets/food.
161c. I don’t know how you’re doing it, but stop threatening the Skyranger pilots with ice cream/sweets/food.
161d. No, making them ‘offerings to the Great Commandey One’ does not make smuggled, stolen food acceptable.

[Rigel]

But ice-cream is delicious! How am I going to live without my Mint-Chip, Rockey Road, Cookie Dough, Party Time, or Oreo ice-creams!?

We should have a petition to hire people for the sole purpose of making ice-cream.

[Dreams_Of_Cheese]

>not making van doorn a gunner
>being this much of a pleb

i kid i kid
yo set up an infantry with my name if you're feelin the swag
if you dont have one available i'd also like assaults or scouts

[tber123]

Operation Tutorial
(I broke X-COM.)

MEANWHILE IN GERMANY....

Jesus christ, this op was a DISASTER. The X-COM Commander falls down a flight of stairs, and Bradford takes over. Never again will we let him be Commander. Who's bright idea was it to send a bunch of rookies and only rookies?


Soldiers attending: A bunch of godamn handicapped Rookies
Bradford is taking over as Commander because the X-COM Commander fell down a flight of stairs and got mind controlled



"Alright guys, LETS DO THIS! LEEEROOOOOOOY JEEEENNNKINNNNNSHOLY stuff LOOK AT THAT."



"Godamn, thats impressive."



Dying Soldier: "You there! Its a trap! Don't go in the warehouse, and stay away from the starfish who keeps calling out 'HILFE'! HNNNNNNNNNNNNG......."



"Hey! Its that guy calling for help! We have to help him, cmon!"



"The forget? Grey aliens?"



"NOT THE BALLS BLARGH"



"stuff! We're surrounded! They killed the other guy!"
*FWOOSH FWOOSH*
"NO! MY WHOLE TEAMS DEAAAAD!"



"DIIIIE!"






I broke the Tutorial by making the Argentina Heavy a sniper. Whoops.

Unused images
(Because I broke the tutorial)

"Help! Friendly Fire!"
(Console Command fun)



"I said come in! Don't stand there!"
(Aliens not moving)






I'll have a real update out by maybe tomorrow.

[Zoltan]

soldier app go ifitisnttoolateplsdonthurt
Koto "Thief" Toshiko
Medic
pref gender is female
if possible nationality japan pls
im pretty sure the bio isn't necessary but anyway
Koto found the X-COM agents in a fight against aliens. She stole one of their guns while they weren't looking and ran off with it. Later found in a ditch shooting at aliens.

[BreadFish]

Name: Warrison "Protile" Carter

Role:Rocketeer

Tank Operator? no

mutate me as much as you like
Preferred Gender: Male

[Rigel]

You should have made F3d the Argentinian heavy.

[tber123]

Operation Chryssalid Rape Fest Zerg Rush
Good lord, CQC hell. Chryssalids in tight corners.

The X-COM Commander was forced to give commands while in a hospital bed, because Bradford is massively incompetent at being a Commander.


In other words, say hello to Koto Toshiko and Warrison Carter.



Wilson: Holy stuff, that thing is huge.



Wilson: Nobody else wants to be Tank Operator and we've got all these spare tanks sitting around, so I claimed a second tank. Also, Zhang caught a rookie playing "Chilong Tingtong" on the base loudspeakers. It wasn't pretty.



Wilson: Soldiers attending: Zhang, Rigel the alien puncher, Nooble, Mangum 4-CE(Revolver Rookie), Warrison Carter, entrepreneur -7(Me)



Nooble: This thing is huge.



Wilson: stuff! CHRYSSALIDS!



Nooble: Anyone else hear that in the dista---



Nooble: OH CRA---



Carter: Stop dodging, damn you!



Zhang: Target is too agile!

*SWIPE*

Nooble: AAAAAAAAAAAGH!



Nooble: I'm still alive! Help!



Carter: Targets still up! RUN!



Zhang: Not today.



Rigel: Shotgun to the face solves everything!



Zhang: It appears that I've been overwhelmed. I recommend we abort mission.


Rigel: The entire godamn ship is full of Chryssalids! RUN!



Wilson: Is it probing time, Doctor? Heh!



Scientist: Here we go again with the "interrogation" stuff. The Doc really loves her torture.



You humans are not worthy enough for what lies ahead!



Look at yourselves. Another race of slaves ready for uplifting.



The great ones will succeed! Humanity can't do a thing about it! Torturing me will not save your lives!



ETHEREAL ACKBAR! ETHEREAL ACKBA----

*SFX: Dr. Vahlen's torture funtime chamber working on the Thin Man*

[Dreams_Of_Cheese]

"What... is it doctor?"

[tber123]

"What... is it doctor?"

The specimen you see is unrecognizable due to the interrogation process. My team has performed several days worth of waterboarding, rectal hydration, forcefeeding, probing, and burning it alive on a pile of tires.