I think you mean "beyond" or "besides", not "behind"; at least, those are how I always heard it.
Don't lead people on then refuse to give details. That makes everyone think you're just full of stuff.
On that note, if English really isn't your first language, apologies for being picky with the wording.
It's ok. This is my fault and I'm just being lazy. Following text could be considered NSFW/TMI.
I've always been a very confused person. It's like my soul is patched up from different kind of fabrics. I'm panloveual, but leaned more towards boys; thus I've dated them more, and I always used to be bottom and sub in some rougher relationships. I suffer from borderline and depression, and have moodswings, sometimes longer sometimes not. It affects me a lot. I also was really confused as to what gender I should classify myself under. Back then I used to be genderfluid, meaning I would feel like female or male at certain times. At one point I felt like the girl side was winning, and it felt really weird.
At this point in time, I was still with my ex, and my ex was/is transgender. So it was a big topic in my life. And I figured, why not try. I always acted like one, felt like one, sometimes already dressed like one.
I bought makeup, a wig, clothes, and generally caused a big hole in my wallet. It had gotten to the point where I got depressed if I saw myself in the mirror, and that I trained my voice to be feminine. It felt good, and I told my parents, they went looking for a therapist for it.
Then my ex broke up with me months later, and the feeling felt gone. Maybe my depression over-won it, maybe its just
folie à deux.
These days I don't classify as anything, and don't look for love. I'm too mentally twisted for that, and anyone who asks me out will be turned down, and anyone who I ask out (On accident) will later be turned down.
