As much as I enjoy writing letter after letter about KaiserHansGruber, the fact remains that without his caps-lock key or profanity thesaurus, KaiserHansGruber would have a difficult time expressing himself. To begin at the beginning, to make up for all of the time he's wasted blathering, KaiserHansGruber should step aside and let me promote the free and open exchange of ideas and viewpoints. This notion is vulnerable to cynicism but can also act as the lynchpin to great acts of solidarity. It has the potential to encourage people to cast a ray of light on KaiserHansGruber's temerarious ruderies. It can convince even the most mawkish school dropouts there are that KaiserHansGruber says that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that he is the arbiter of all things. What I just wrote is not based on merely a single experience or anecdote. Rather, it is based upon the wisdom of accumulated years, spanning two continents, and proven by the fact that if we were to let him get away with reviling everything in the most obscene terms and dragging it into the filth of the basest possible outlook, that would be a gross miscarriage of justice.
Like a verbal magician, KaiserHansGruber knows how to lie without appearing to be lying, how to bury secrets in mountains of garbage-speak. Please, please, please help me put him on notice for his attempts to have a serious destabilizing effect on our institutions. Without your help, KaiserHansGruber will certainly deface a social fabric that was already deteriorating. He has been fostering and intensifying his drug-drenched drama of immorality. This outrageous conduct indicates to me that he cannot be tamed by “tolerance” and “accommodation” but is actually spurred on by such gestures. KaiserHansGruber sees such gestures as a sign of weakness on our part and is thereby encouraged to continue practicing human sacrifice on a grand scale in some sort of recalcitrant death cult.
The sun, the moon, and the truth cannot be long hidden. It is no more complicated than that. By propping up corrupt despots around the world, KaiserHansGruber has erected a monument to tribalism. Only it does not seem proper to say that such a thing has been “created”. “Excreted”, “belched”, “spewed”, and “spat out” are expressions more appropriate to the object here described. You see, KaiserHansGruber has announced his intentions to deny citizens the privilege of peaceful assembly and protest. While doing so may earn KaiserHansGruber a gold star from the mush-for-brains radicalism crowd, there are three fairly obvious problems with his self-fulfilling prophecies, each of which needs to be addressed by any letter that attempts to lend support to the thesis that given the very real threat of him imposing a “glass ceiling” that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs it is essential that we point the high-powered fire hose of truth at his xenophobic, unpleasant conclusions to wash away their multiple layers of parasitism. First, this is an exceptionally convincing illustration of the power wielded by KaiserHansGruber and of the destructive way in which he uses that power. Second, immoral, foul-mouthed monomaniacs, more than any other segment of the population, like to stir up one part of the population against another. And third, KaiserHansGruber has been trying to convince us that the Queen of England heads up the international drug cartel. That argument fails to take into account the reality that KaiserHansGruber exhibits an overweening sense of entitlement and a predilection for depreciating others. I trust that I have not shocked any of you by writing that. However, I do realize that some of my readers may feel that much of what I have penned about KaiserHansGruber in this letter is heartless and in violation of our Christian duty to love everyone. If so, I can say only that there may be absolutely nothing we can do to prevent KaiserHansGruber from making good on his word to make a big deal out of nothing. When we compare this disturbing conclusion to the comforting picture purveyed by his confreres, we experience psychological stress or “cognitive dissonance”. Our only recourse is to resolve our disputes without violence.
I want to unify our community. KaiserHansGruber, in contrast, wants to drive divisive ideological wedges through it. Is there a chance that he isn't avaricious, obnoxious, and uncivilized? From what I've seen, I doubt it.
One of the goals of cronyism is to render meaningless the words “best” and “worst”. KaiserHansGruber admires that philosophy because, by annihilating human perceptions of quality, KaiserHansGruber's own mediocrity can flourish. I claim it's important to continue discussing this even after I've made my point because he argues that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. To maintain this thesis, KaiserHansGruber naturally has had to shovel away a mountain of evidence, which he does by the desperate expedient of claiming that it's okay to leave the educational and emotional needs of our children in the merciless hands of uncongenial spielers. The implication is that he can push me only so far and no farther. In the presence of high heaven and before the civilized world I therefore assert that a war of ideas is currently raging. On one side are disagreeable adolescents like KaiserHansGruber who fired the first shot by rotting our minds with the hallucinatory drug of commercialism. On the other side are people like you and me who are brushing away the cobwebs of quislingism. If this war teaches us anything, it's that KaiserHansGruber justifies his fickle ideas with fallacious logical arguments based on argumentum ad baculum. In case you're unfamiliar with the term, it means that if we don't accept KaiserHansGruber's claim that space gods arriving in flying saucers will save humanity from self-destruction then he will bombard unsuspecting civilians with vicious waves of chemicals or disease.
KaiserHansGruber's grand plan is to take the robes of political power off the shoulders of the few honest people who wear them and put them upon the shoulders of bestial gutter-bloods. I'm sure Mao Tse Tung would approve. In any case, if it weren't for unstable sad sacks, KaiserHansGruber would have no friends. I want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony—and you know who I'm referring to—can process my point. I like to think I'm a reasonable person but you just can't reason with the worst types of exclusionism-oriented cretins I've ever seen. It's been tried. They don't understand, they can't understand, they don't want to understand, and they will die without understanding why all we want is for them not to “enlighten” anyone who doesn't believe that KaiserHansGruber is clean and bright and pure inside.
According to the laws of probability, there are many roads leading to the defeat of KaiserHansGruber's plans to withhold information and disseminate half-truths and whole lies. I doubtlessly allege that all of these roads must eventually pass through the same set of gates: the ability to celebrate knowledge and truth for the sake of knowledge and truth. To quote the prophet Isaiah, “Woe to ye who instill a general ennui”. I wonder what would happen if KaiserHansGruber really did spread hatred, animosity, and divisiveness. There's a spooky thought.
Hey, it's not my fault that KaiserHansGruber seems unable to think of turns of speech that aren't hackneyed. What really grates on my nerves, however, is that his prose consists less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning than of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse. It is difficult to exaggerate the emotion and litigation that will flow from any efforts to focus on what unites rather than divides us. One thing is certain, though: KaiserHansGruber is stepping over the line when he attempts to destroy our youths' ability to relax, reflect, study, and meditate—way over the line.
KaiserHansGruber uses obscure words like “hematospectrophotometer” and “mechanicocorpuscular” to conceal his agenda to defy the rules of logic. I find that having to process phrases with long words like those makes me feel hoodwinked, inferior, definitely frustrated, and angry. That's why I strive for utmost clarity whenever I explain to others that KaiserHansGruber says that egotism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves. Although KaiserHansGruber truly cut that statement out of whole cloth, he should stop calling me an unmannerly misosophist. Although I've been called worse things by better people, if KaiserHansGruber can't stand the heat, he should get out of the kitchen.
I definitely hope that if we all suggest the kind of politics and policies that are needed to restore good sense to this important debate, this will bring us together in a national dialogue of learning instead of reducing us to recriminations and accusations. At a minimum, I expect it to help a large number of people see that KaiserHansGruber's encomiasts criticize others for being rambunctious but do absolutely nothing themselves to step up to the plate and punish those who lie or connive at half-truths. Although this discrepancy undoubtedly indicates that KaiserHansGruber's encomiasts are all sharp-tongued but soft-toothed hypocrites, the question that's on everyone's mind these days is, “How can KaiserHansGruber start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people and then turn around and shed tears for those who got hurt as a result?” I wish I had a lot more time to answer that question. Unfortunately, the following comment will have to suffice: In these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, if I didn't think KaiserHansGruber would lead to the destruction of the human race, I wouldn't say that it's not uncommon for him to speak with authority on subjects he clearly knows nothing about. To top that off, he professes that his new expostulations are fundamentally different from his old ones and should not be equated with them. In my opinion, this is simply a matter of old wine in new bottles. KaiserHansGruber's expostulations are still based on the same, complacent rowdyism and are still used to obscure the fact that KaiserHansGruber is not your average invidious heinsby. He's the deluxe model. As such, he's poised to sidetrack us so we can't dole out acerbic criticism of KaiserHansGruber and his phalanx of incompetent toadies, in the immediate years ahead. The bottom line is that KaiserHansGruber is esurient for extreme power and exorbitant wealth.
