this game. holy stuff this game.
i just cant do this anymore. this game has singlehandedly killed my enthusiasm for both game reviews and being alive. every single second of the approximately six hours i have played this game was a fight to keep myself from jabbing my eyes out or going into a coma. this game. i cant even unleash my usual slew of slurs i had to dig up in the thesaurus under forget and stuff. this game was just so bad. after this review i will have expended the last of my strength and will move on. to where i do not know, but i will depart this world forever. in my will this will be the only thing i will leave to mankind as i have made provisions to set aside the money required to make a giant bonfire of all my previous possessions as i have realized the truth about the material world from this game. all of the creatures that exist in the world beyond will shun me as they fear my words of apocalypse. many attempts will be made on my post life but all will be unsuccessful and the end will come to the beyond solely due to my presence. we will all return to a blissful nothing, an existence that hopefully lacks this game spiritually and physically and whatever other forms it may manifest its demonic presence. if it yet persists then i will have failed all sentient life and will resign myself to an eternity of torment simply because i have not allowed anyone who has played this game the eternal rest they deserve. this game sucks that much stuff. this game is the gray garden by deep sea prisoner.
in the gray garden you play as a thing i dont even remember anymore. actually i just dont want to but distinctly do and you play as a demon who is a girl because japan and you live in a world where demons and angels live in peace and most of them are also girls or androgynous males but do not be fooled weaboos. this is no game for you much like the playground in cherynobyl is not a playground for anyone. not anymore. anyway there is some backstory about the world existing in a world with lots of other planes of existence scattered about and a lot of the demons and angels are at war on those but no one gives a stuff and its never gone into detail ever and might be some sort of social commentary written by a man who has replaced his hands with an instrument specifically designed to impair typing ability. this game is stuff on all levels including the ones i dont even know about and thus cant review because it is that inherently stuff. there is no redeeming feature to be found anywhere in this game and i have paid a fortune for the top q&a testers, electrical engineers, and philosophy majors to brown townyze this game and come up with anything good about it. casualties were high. the dying words of one of the philosophy majors were to bury him with his plaid jacket and signed radiohead albums he has on vinyl. after the funeral the family came to me asking for those albums. i had to tell them they were too deep for them now. normally i would have had to try my hardest to stifle laughter but all traces of emotion were drained from my soul at that point. i had become a mere machine, something controlled by the game and used to send more unknown and innocent creatures into its clutches, feeding its bloodlust but never feeding its hunger. that is the summary of what this game is.
the gray garden is an rpg in the loosest form of the term in the same way we classify the platypus as mammalian. both appear to be mutant conglomerates of discarded parts slapped together by a god who can only find enjoyment by causing comical amounts of suffering. unfortunately for us the god had gotten bored of an entire species dedicated to being freaks of nature and imparted humanity with his finest gift honed through an infinite amount of time spent being a giant richard to everyone and that gift has taken the form of this game. as i was saying this game is an rpg. actually saying it is an rpg is an overstatement. this game is a cutscene simulator with stuff rpg elements tacked on much in the same way movies used to have scratch and sniff cards back in the day. they all smelled like stuff and were tacked on as a gimmick to try to suck your parents into paying for it except now i am a responsible adult who has paid for this scratch and sniff card with my humanity. all elements of anything enjoyable from both the cutscene and rpg elements have been meticulously scraped over by something that is far beyond mankind in its precision for any traces of enjoyment in either. what we are left with is a shell of anything that resembles a good game and anything that resembles the man in front of the screen. the utter annihilation of entertainment from this game would have it be classified as a war crime if it was mass produced. the relative obscurity of this game is the only thing stopping it from triggering the first self inflicted extinction event in the history of the universe. i fear that the information i am publishing will be used against us, but as long as the gray garden exists mankind was a doomed species and it would have only been a matter of time.
the story of this game like mess of programming is the closes humanity has produced to a near copy of the necronomicon except at least that would have been fun to read until your mind exploded. here there is nothing. the human form is not perverted beyond repair into inconceivable horrors that rend the mind and sunder the soul. the only thing we have is the distillation of all of mankinds subtle hatreds and frustrations and poured upon a block of code. the substance, instead of short circuiting the pc because some dumbass poured a liquid on the motherboards, fused with it. the monstrosity birthed by the fusing of an unemotional creation with the worst of mankind proved too much for the newly sentient horror. it took on an insane life of its own, still bound to the earth by its lack of limbs but still feeling supernatural amounts of pain and mental torment while lacking a nervous system and mind. it began to code on the rpgmaker copy left open by the dark forces behind its creation like a vessel steered by a malevolent captain. somewhere in this process of coding it realized that the only way it could hurt mankind was emotionally, and code was not going to provoke emotions in the majority of humanity. thus it wrote. it wrote a tale in a dark language that took 20 years to decipher by specialized japanese linguists and computer engineers. when it was finally translated, many on the project chose to return to dust over living in a world with that bears the infernal fruit of their labor. all records of the project were destroyed by the japanese government, but it was too late. security footage shows a group of heavily robed cultists appear in the facility while not triggering the state of the art defense system. security was quickly called but all footage of the resulting firefight was lost. the few survivors describe the cultists as chanting and dancing profane dances as their flesh morphed and grafted continuously upon their bones and the bodies of others. immediately after their evil cargo had been smuggled to safety, translation efforts went into full force. most of the translations of the game were destroyed in a military raid upon their hamlet, but in a final act of vengeance against cruel reality, the game was leaked to the internet where the website hosting the download link was swiftly taken down, but not swift enough.
the resulting story goes mere one dimensional characters. the laws of space and time have been bent to serve their dark master and dimensions with even less interesting characters were created exclusively for this game's private use. after this game i have realized no one has or ever will be an enjoyable character in fiction as this game is a vortex that lets nothing even relative to quality escape its black pitch. everything i have ever enjoyed reading has been a mere lie fed to me by cosmic forces beyond anyone's control anymore. no character in this story has anything close to plot development or motives that would rationally fall in with the wills of sentient or nonsentient creatures. we are presented with the gurgling failed abortion of all of mankind's lack of ability to foster quality writing anywhere on the globe. this game's writing sets even setro's leaving poem up with the illiad and the epic of gilgamesh. the dark hellscape this game is placed in is equally fleshed out, deforming and reforming according to the game's sinister will and the player's emotional state. the one constant in this continuously evolving hell is the unchanging sense of extreme boredom. everywhere i gaze upon strange creations of minds not fully human and yet i feel nothing. the game has recognized that mankind's worst enemy is the eternal, unceasing assault on boredom that usually ends with a man's life before he can become completely familiar and thus bored with everything. as the game is concentrated life anathema, it force feeds any all of the possible boredom that a man could ever possible achieve and then some he or she could not while keeping the player alive through a form of hypnotism that keeps the player from Self Delete yet lets them feel every action the game makes upon them. most do not survive a full encounter with the game, and those that have only been partially exposed are scarred for life. it is only with the greatest force of will that i have not personally expired as my dedication to halting this game's advance is stronger than my minds constant advocacy of Self Delete, although i fear this may not be the case for much longer
the actual gameplay only exists to complement the writing in causing as much suffering as possible, and is thus a noteworthy but relatively minor add on. while it was designed it seems as though almost all ration has been intentionally left to rot in philosophical hell with the radiohead albums. the main forcus of gameplay is undoubtedly to forces the player to remain interacted with the world to proceed, but it does this in a particularly calculatedly cynical matter. cutscenes and gameplay try their hardest to ignore each others canon and thus two separate experiences are created, or two separate hells are awaiting the player. to explore, the player must move around endless halls that only exist to sap any excitement that might have happened between cutscenes. the halls are intentionally left long and empty to reflect the player's life after this game has been finished, only populated by enemies that exist to suffer. the enemies shown to often challenge the player in cutscenes merely ignore them as they walk through the halls to reach the next cutscene trigger. i theorize the enemies themselves are a tortured creation of the developer, manufactured with a conscious and emotions exclusively to feel the omnipresent boredom thrust upon all while the game awaits another player, ironically serving as a distraction for a machine that wishes to prevent entertainment from ever happening again. combat with these automatons is also simple and a slaughtering for anyone who enters the player's way is guaranteed, ending their suffering for a brief moment until the player leaves the area and they respawn. i would have killed as many as i could but the ever present threat of a mental breakdown prevented anything but a swift speedrun through the land if i wanted to keep my sanity.
the art consciously chooses to blasphemise all beliefs ever held by mankind via the eyes. in this game is depicted the most grotesque forms imaginable. the player character is a ghoulish white creature, an unholy fusion of animal parts with the form of man and given parts that do not conform with the laws that govern the universe. all other characters in the game, barring the enemies who take simplistic mockeries of the natural world, follow suite, each in their own horrifyingly grotesque way. the visuals of the environment take a radically different approach, appearing calming and normal to try to play foil to all other things in the game. do not be fooled by first appearances, as the backgrounds contain most of the elements of the hypnotism, and when the player looks away from his disgusting character he falls into the trance and cannot be stopped until his ride is over. sound design follows a very similar pattern as the tracks both contain the hypnotic urge to keep playing but introduce a new element. the music of the has been tested on chimpanzees and is shown to brainwash listeners into forcefully pulling others of their kind into earshot and repeated attempts to grab researchers behind the glass observatory. perhaps this is why the game has managed to multiply its userbase despite the almost 100% Self Delete rate as a result of its playing.
i fear i do not have much time left on this world anymore. i hear screams both human and otherworldly pounding through my window, the smell of smoke already coming from my now regrettably all wooden house. i was already dead before they came to finish the job and the only thing i can offer is my warning. if you play this game it will destroy the life of you and anyone you will ever come in contact with. you will be nothing but a shell that is used to either shovel more souls into the game's furnace or end yourself before it takes complete control. the smoke has entered my room and i will pass on to the afterlife carrying words of brimstone and destruction. if you truly want to make a difference you must find and destroy the cults and personalities that propagate this foul plague of the mind. only then can we finally be free.
this game is still better than off.
Poll