How do you like your coffee?

[sir dooble]

You loving gauge your coffee by colour? Are you a twat?

2 Coffees, Three Sugars, 70% Hot Water, 20% Milk, 10% Pure loving Air.

Air in your coffee? What are you? Gay?
Here's my perfect recipe:

Fill the kettle with purified water and leave to boil.
Prep a decent sized, yet not gigantic cup.
Carefully add two (2) non-heaped teaspoons of high quality cane sugar to the cup.
Add one (1) slightly-heaped teaspoon of your highest quality mixed blend instant coffee to the cup.
Pour a sliver of low-fat (semi-skimmed to 1%) chilled milk to the cup.
Gently mix the contents together to initiate the dissolving, preventing excess floating coffee.
After the kettle has boiled, gently pour the hot water in to approx 8-9/10th of your favoured capacity.
Fill the remainder with milk to achieve a colour of your liking.
Confidently, yet calmly, stir your coffee for a good 30 seconds to allow a thorough diffusion of flavour.
Open a small packet of your preferred coffee biscuit.
Take your coffee, and pour it down the sink.
Repeat the process with hot chocolate, adding whipped cream and marshmallows.
Enjoy.

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[MeowZ]

Is there such thing as a coffee bar?

[sir dooble]

Is there such thing as a coffee bar?

You mean a cafe?

[MeowZ]

You mean a cafe?

No. Sort of like an ice cream bar but with coffee. Make your own and add your own ingredients, not someone else making it for you

[Epicduke]

I hate coffee

[Donnies Catch]

green tea latte pless

[plad101]

Black or with milk, same with tea.

[Redconer]

I never drank coffee.

[Headcrab Zombie]

I can't drink normal coffee because I've been spoiled by the espresso machine at work
I normally brew a lungo or two, with one sugar cube and a splash of creamer, and top it with some milk foam

If I go to a coffee shop, my typical order is a mocha with dark chocolate and an extra espresso shot

[AutoBahn]

I drink it black unless I get it from either of my parents' coffee machines, which make strong-ass coffee so i either put just milk in it at my mom's and whip it, or milk and creamer in it at my dad's

[IkeTheGeneric]

Light roast to maximize caffeine, straight black. Sometimes I put a little bit of sugar in it for added flavor but otherwise I like it bitter

[Trogtor]

i hate drinking coffee but I have to

[Otis Da HousKat]

>not lightly roasting your own beans to perfection
>putting anything in your coffee besides freshly ground beans and water

Sure are a lot of folks who like to pretend they know how to drink coffee here.

[Clone v.117]

I only drink coffee from the very rare cacooka tree, which grows only in the most desolate and dangerous areas of Yemen.
Well when I say drink I really mean hire a team of multinational laborers to roast every bean individually with blow torches set to exactly 142.6 degrees for 8 minutes, then the beans are bound together with the cloak of my great grandfather and buried at the peak of Mount Kosciuszko in a jade crested urn for 18-26 months to properly mature.
After that it's as simple as passing the bundle around an ancient aboriginal tribe that has never before had contact with the white man, the sack must spend one night in the arms of each member of the tribe before finally taking the beans on a helicopter tour of Manhattan. Throw the bundle in to an iron cauldron and sacrifice a baby goat to summon the demon-fire to brew the coffee in a blaze of tormented souls, poured that in to the skull of an adolescent female neanderthal and you've got yourself a fine cup of coffee.
Anything else is just stuff water.

[Pastrey Crust]

"A la criolla"

Hot dark coffee with sugar and cold milk on top applied by pressure.

You end up with a refreshing milk foam on top and warm latte on the bottom.