Blogland: Friend is Playing Matchmaker, y/n?

[Cappytaino]

I don't quite like making blogland threads unless it's something that I'm quite unfamiliar with/can't process well at the moment, but here we go.

I have a friend from school, he's a great guy, pretty nice, and knows a lot of people around the state. Today, he told me that a friend of his from upstate wanted to meet me. He showed me a picture of her and she looked alright, solid 7/10, and I agreed that I would go to meet her.

Herein is the problem: without too much incriminating information, I've tried to avoid becoming too close to people for the past three or so years, turning down chances I wanted to take and breaking off people that made themselves too close, because I didn't want my instability, impulsivity, and occasional inability to function to have an effect on them. It's always incredibly difficult to do and hard to explain.

I have resolved that I will go, and I believe I've made a lot of progress towards being able to properly function emotionally in a relationship, and I'm incredibly tempted to try, but I don't know if this is a "forbidden fruit" situation, where what I want to do is actually very bad for me.

My plan is to go and if I believe it can't work because I am not actually as improved as I think I am, I will tell her politely, but I don't know how to go about it. It would be difficult to explain without a lot of context, and I don't know how to explain it without offending. From what I've heard, she's very excited and I don't want to break her, she seems very sweet and it would be quite a shame.

How do I explain to her that I'm not ready without being offensive or impolite? I've pored over it and I don't know quite how to phrase it without it prompting inquiry/being hurtful. Help me, BLF, you're my only hope.

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[Nikki]

Maybe just tell her that you're interested in taking it slow. That way, you both can talk about what you're interested in pursuing in this relationship and maybe it can defuse and just be a normal one. Plus maybe you might find yourself getting comfortable with it and eventually move forward into something. The first date is just testing the waters and seeing if you're comfortable around each other unless this is a straight hook up. So you don't really have to establish a firm yes i want to date kind of thing.

[Toxicology]

kill him

[kanew2000]

if youre unsure of your own ability to function in a relationship i would suggest going slowly so you can adapt to it

then again im 15 what do i know

[Cappytaino]

Maybe just tell her that you're interested in taking it slow. That way, you both can talk about what you're interested in pursuing in this relationship and maybe it can defuse and just be a normal one. Plus maybe you might find yourself getting comfortable with it and eventually move forward into something. The first date is just testing the waters and seeing if you're comfortable around each other unless this is a straight hook up. So you don't really have to establish a firm yes i want to date kind of thing.

that makes a lot of sense, but I still feel like there's a strange "elephant in the room" with the situation. I don't quite know how to phrase it in a different way, but I don't want the fact that I have a personality disorder to be a surprise, because I know I am difficult and toxic at times.

It's important to understand that I don't try to be hurtful, but sometimes I can come off in a bad way. I know it's incredibly difficult to deal with personality disorders in any sort of interpersonal relationship, friends or otherwise, and I don't want to crush her enthusiasm but at the same time I don't want to wear it on my forehead.

She seemed really pumped about meeting up and I've been told she's a doll, but I'm conflicted about whether or not it's a good idea.

I don't know another way to explain it, but I don't want to lead her on to disappointment but I don't want to go shouting it from the hills.

[Nikki]

that makes a lot of sense, but I still feel like there's a strange "elephant in the room" with the situation. I don't quite know how to phrase it in a different way, but I don't want the fact that I have a personality disorder to be a surprise, because I know I am difficult and toxic at times.

It's important to understand that I don't try to be hurtful, but sometimes I can come off in a bad way. I know it's incredibly difficult to deal with personality disorders in any sort of interpersonal relationship, friends or otherwise, and I don't want to crush her enthusiasm but at the same time I don't want to wear it on my forehead.

She seemed really pumped about meeting up and I've been told she's a doll, but I'm conflicted about whether or not it's a good idea.

I don't know another way to explain it, but I don't want to lead her on to disappointment but I don't want to go shouting it from the hills.

I feel with admitting personal issues like personality disorders is something that comes naturally in the course of developing a relationship. You don't have to admit it from the beginning but if the relationship becomes more personal, it would be wise to bring it up. Plus bringing up something like that is giving the other person a lot of trust, which might not actually exist yet since you haven't met her. The best thing you can do is be aware of your traits and if she asks or notices something, be honest that you have a hard time with relationships and are attempting to work on improving it. Maybe she'll admit something personal that she's scared about sharing as well.

[IkeTheGeneric]

I've tried to avoid becoming too close to people for the past three or so years

Do you even know how cliche this is? Dude, even the movies will tell you that isolating yourself from substantial relationships is unhealthy regardless of the situation. You're never going to have the capacity to form a relationship with people unless you build up that courage now and figure out how to get around your problems rather than let opportunities pass on by out of fear.

It is totally not a bad idea to want to connect with somebody and it's not like you don't deserve it, everyone deserves happiness lol

[Cappytaino]

Do you even know how cliche this is? Dude, even the movies will tell you that isolating yourself from substantial relationships is unhealthy regardless of the situation. You're never going to have the capacity to form a relationship with people unless you build up that courage now and figure out how to get around your problems rather than let opportunities pass on by out of fear.

It is totally not a bad idea to want to connect with somebody and it's not like you don't deserve it, everyone deserves happiness lol

it is probably super cliche, but it was never a matter of believing I didn't deserve it or didn't want it. I just don't know how I can reasonably expect someone to want to put up with my disorder. I don't have huge symptoms daily, but when they do show, it can be really destructive and harmful to any relationship I've built. It was worse in the past, but I don't want it to happen again.

[Rigel]

it is probably super cliche, but it was never a matter of believing I didn't deserve it or didn't want it.

Nothing is cliche when it's happening to you.

[Plethora]

I have a family member with serious emotional problems, and I recognize the stigma, so I can sympathize with your not wanting to make it widely known.  Go on a date or two, try to keep things in check, and if you foresee a relationship going anywhere, let her know about your disorder, and if you don't see it going anywhere (or anywhere good), end it and let it be.