Writing thread- If you write stuff, post it here

[Rabbot32]

/title.
Little something I worked up when I was feeling stressed out, wound up being the backdrop for a character.
Please put what you wrote in a quote box with yourself as the author to show what you wrote vs your regular message.

The dishes are clean and in the cabinets. The tea is finished brewing and the kettle is in the old icebox, still hot to the touch. Fresh ice is in the above drawer. Silverware is in it's place. The burnt bulb in the water closet has finally been changed for a new one. Toiletries have been replaced, fresh bars of soap placed as they should be. The one floorboard in the doorway that had been left nonparallel with the rest is as flat as it can be. The calendar on the wall has a date circled, X's leading to it, the circle marked with a simple capital A in the center. The X's lead to the circled day and end there.
The books on the shelf have been dusted, the windows polished. The pictures on the wall, some showing serious faces of elders, others of a happy couple, one of a man in uniform standing at attention, all of them have been dusted, like the books, and are freshly straightened. There is dry wood in the fireplace, although no flame is lit, and the ashes have been swept out- the chimney hasn't been swept, but it doesn't need to be, not yet. The tiles in front have been swept clean of spent cinder.
The carpet around has been vacuumed, the machine one of the two only visible luxuries in the small home. The other, the washing machine, is emptied of it's clean loaded- the laundry is already put away.
The single suit, expensive despite it's dubious quality, still stiff from dry cleaning, hangs in it's place in the bedroom closet, slightly separate from the rest of the clothing. The bed is made, the sheets and curtains on their posts are spotless. The wooden floorboards, cold as they are, are clean of dust. A freshly cleaned, oiled, and unloaded revolver lays on one of the two small tables next to the bed. The small candle in the semi-broken candlestick, the small carrying arm snapped off, on said table is fresh, the old one having only been half-burned. The wax filings have been cleared away. A candelabra, made by different hands, sits on the table opposite, only one candle placed in the middle. The wax stick, like it's distant relative, is fresh from the box underneath the bed. Likewise, there are no filings.
Everything is clean, as it should be. The curtains, save for the ones on the bed, are pulled shut.

The roof beam creaks softly, settling. A chair lays on it's side, the only object out of place.

A husband comes home late, as usual, and finds a note pinned to door, written in the hand of his wife.
He throws the front door open and runs inside, hoping and screaming her name. Hoping against hope that it isn't too late, that if he hurries he might be able to stop her, or if he was too slow, to get her to a doctor.

A woman in the kitchen, once ripe and full of life, is waiting. She doesn't break her silence to greet him.

The man stumbles in the doorway, landing on the tile floor face-first. He tries to spring up at once, but the sight of his wife stops him.

His face lowers back to the floor, pained sounds emerging from his throat and tears from his eyes. His fist slams the tile uselessly as he damns himself.

The woman hangs limply from a simple noose, tied to the single hanging light fixture in the entire house.

Traffic passes. A truck, on daily rounds, slows in front of a house not too far away. Another husband comes out to greet the milk man, who he knows as a friend. Laughter and smiles. A bottle of cream is passed into the father's hands, before he goes inside to pass it to his wife's. Their young child throws a handful of pebbles at the back of the vehicle as it pulls off.

Life goes on, not knowing or caring about the man in his kitchen, weeping over his wife's corpse.

[Ad Bot]

[Dragonoid.Slayer]

The attention to detail and imagery is just superb. Honestly one of the first things ive actually enjoyed reading in like 2 years. Guess that says something about what I try and read, but yeah.

Amazing job, the conflict is so abruptly revealed and resolution is so swiftly wrapped up. Just great!

Also, the foreshadowing is so hidden, you don't even know that it's related until the conflict is introduced, which is introduced at almost the exact same time as the climax..

I'm not a writer myself, but from an inactive readers perspective, this is great.

[Rabbot32]

Appreciate the feedback.