Off Topic > Creativity
[STORY] The Grey Planet [Kill me]
Tayasaurus:
What This Is:
Short description: A young hunter begs an ancient robot to rescue her family and their god, uncovering a more sinister plot in their efforts.
The Grey Planet is the spawn from a story with a set of characters that i've been dwelling on and writing for a few years. It's had a thread or two in the past but neither of them really captured what I was seeking in the realm of storytelling. The previous original tellings of this story and characters were all prototypes, and were more player interactive as a result. This, however will not be the case now as i've had time to develop these characters and the entire plot-line as a result. This story is no longer going to be interactive, it just wouldn't work like it use to. It's an entire reboot That's not necessarily a bad thing!
This leaves me with only one option. To share this in a simplified-but-still substantial way. Why though? Because I'm a horrible procrastinator and i want to prove to myself that i can dedicate myself to something if i'm passionate about it enough. I've never fancied myself a writer so my skill in writing composition may be nothing short of 'ok' or worse.
TL;DR: I'm going to post a regularly updated pseudo-written single panel comic book story based on an incomplete script that i've neglected to publish and have been keeping in my head. Enjoy as you embark on this long trek of semi-bad art and beginner's writing.
Other things
I like to post a link to music with each post. Since this story has always been more cinematic in my head, i will be linking songs to give each post a set 'mood'. I'm not an animator so this is just to satisfy my own need as a creator. Don't listen to the music if you don't want to. I personally suggest it though.
I'm going to try to squeeze an update out each evening. I might end up going into a scheduled every-other-day pattern or some other alternative. Since this is just starting out, i have no dates I can provide.
if i'm able to keep this going a couple hundred pages in, i might consider having the whole thing voiced. Voice acting/actors are being considered...
But besides those little details, feel free to drop your criticism and other comments in the thread. (but please refrain from stuffposting).
If you have any creative ideas or contributions to the art of The Grey Planet, feel free to drop a PM to my inbox and i'll make sure I read them.
Chapter One
Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74vpYxZSUJ8
A strong breeze blew the trees to refresh the air for those who dwell in it. Like most rain forests, the world within was teaming with wildlife both great and small, most trying to consume each other for dominance over the rich soil in which they made their home. It brought a subtle but noticeable change in the heavy dampness of the environment and relief with the coolness of a fresh air blowing in from the plains north. Snno, a creature that enjoyed her impunity from the harsh weather from the plains floated on her back in the cool water of a natural spring running from further up into the forest. The changed nature of the air made her open her eyes. Change... that's what it reminded her of.
Snno ceased to let the embrace of the water carry her and planted her feet on the floor of the spring. She stood up and stretched, the water that still clung to her ran down her body back into the water to re-enter a cycle into only the Black Sun knew where. Snno was a tall creature, standing equally in comparison to that of a six foot man. Her complexion was completely pitch black and absorbed light very quickly, ensuring that she doesn't reflect what meager rays of moonlight are cast upon her. Her hands were clawed but flexible with long fingers coming to a sharp point and her eyes were completely white, yet somehow one could tell in his gut where she was looking. Her head was narrow but sleek, with long hair sweeping back into the air like the trail from a comet accompanied by two sharp pointed ears. Snno was an Umbral, a child of the Black Sun, the source of life for her entire species. Snno stepped out onto the bank of the spring and grabbed her spear. Her weapon which she had crafted herself was made of a strong wood procured from the alien trees the forest offered, which could compete even with tempered steel. On the very end of it, a shard of spacecraft hull rested firmly secured to the shaft, glued with tree sap and wrapped with twine. It was a rugged but practical weapon, with the hull shard being strong enough to even pierce armor due to its design being strongly tempered for the harshness of the atmosphere and high impact velocity.
(suspiciously missing twine)
Snno scanned the treeline near her spring and listened for the activity of her village nearby. She could hear the sound of working and hammering, and the high pitched squeaks of children playing a dangerous game of tag with a stick. She could hear the village elder rushing outside to scold the little runts and to steal away their treasured stick. She smiled and stopped listening and grabbed up her game bag. She had freshly killed a Gorobeg, an unusually fat one too for the evenings divvy and bonding time, there might even be enough meat on it to keep for tomorrow and to keep the little ones in line with snacks. Despite her excellent hearing, Snno still had some time before she reached home before the night completely falls, another mile or two at the most and the thickness of the forest wasn't going to make it easy.
(A Gorobeg, still living. The dead version wasn't PG enough for the thread)
}]Crazy[{:
oh hey this is back
whats your name again?
Tayasaurus:
--- Quote from: }]Crazy[{ on September 21, 2016, 01:29:21 AM ---oh hey this is back
whats your name again?
--- End quote ---
Uh
Tayasaurus
Tayasaurus:
Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fg7nl-uHahI
Snno's final trek through the thick brush went as expected, having slowed her pace just enough for the last bit of the sun to sink behind the thick forest. She had reached the treeline to the village and could already see better with the warm glow of a fire seeping through. She could hear the same busy sounds as before but it seemed busier this time. Snno stepped out into the open and was greeted with a bonfire almost as big as the village elder's house. She looked at the size of the controlled flame with awe and bewilderment. Somebody has been planning something it looks like, Snno thinks to herself. The Umbral village in full view was made up of huts and crudely developed homes, most made from mud and thatch while others attempted to build their dwellings out rock obtained from inside the forest. Each home was evenly spaced from each other with most Umbral requiring an ample amount of personal space to do their daily business. The grass in the center of the village was worn away by the traffic of these busy creatures who were quite clever with their hands, preferring to bide most of their time building new structures and items from wood or other materials. On each side of the village a warrior is on guard, hiding up in the treeline to swoop down on dangerous visitors.
(Umbral children. Very dangerous. Very deadly.)
Her people scurried about the main yard carrying more wood to the fire tossing it in as quickly as they could, paying close attention to the project at hand and not stopping to chatter to one another. The only souls to seem unoccupied and still chattering were the Umbral children all gathered at her feet, one of whom Snno dropped her pack and snatched by the ear as she tried to scurry away.
"AAAgh. My EAAAR!" Leaf squeaked.
Snno let go of Leaf's ear and grabbed her up into her arms giving her an Noogie.
"We both know you can't feel anything in your ears you little rodent." Snno hissed playfully.
Leaf's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms.
"What do you want? You never pick me up unless you're getting ready to ask me a question." Leaf says snootily.
Snno doesn't answer and instead sees the village elder standing at the entrance of her hut looking at her from across the way. She motions Snno over with her hand and Snno puts Leaf down. Snno hands Leaf the game bag and puts her hand on her shoulder.
"You and your little friends are to take this to Shimmer. If i find out that you all ate this raw behind some rock, i'll make sure you're all served as a meal for this evenings supper. Got it?" Snno warned.
Leaf huffs and shakes her head before scampering off with the rest of her friends. The faded chatter at Leaf getting a bag with a surprise in it sparked the rest of the group into curiosity.
"Whats that?" "It's a bag stupid." "I smell meat!"
Snno walked over to the larger hut in the village and stepped inside the entrance. Her senses were immediately assaulted with incense and the sound of of a mortar and pestle. Inside the walls were covered with various animal skins and other painted decor, and the bones of many different creatures, vicious or otherwise. It felt like a cozy Umbral home, and it was only fitting for that of the Elder. The Elder hunched over a wooden table grinding herbs with her only good eye overseeing the task. The Elder was an abnormally large Umbral with a set of faded wings growing out her back, wilted with age. Her face was heavily wrinkled, a biological tattoo of her age and wisdom from many trials, and her hands possessed the longest claws of any of the Umbrals in the village. She has been the leader of the people for centuries and as far as Snno was concerned, for maybe one or two more. Snno could feel the Elder's eye jump up in her socket to look at her.
"Please, sit on the bed, I must have you sitting for what i must tell you." The Elder said, turning back to her herbs.
Snno quickly sat down on the fur bed. It was rough and prickly, probably the coat of a vicious bear... or a lowly dog. A million thoughts ran through Snno's head. Why does she want me in here as soon as I returned from a hunt? Am I in trouble? what is she grinding? Does she know about the large bonfire?
"Elder, I-" Snno started
"Child, call me Mipa. I prefer to hear my own name. You need not be so formal, i've told you for years." Mipa interrupted.
"I'm sorry, Mipa..." Snno said feeling scolded. "May i ask what is wrong? I did not expect you to direct me into your home so early upon my return."
Mipa left her hunched position from the table and walked slowly over to Snno. A smile crept across her rugged face as she pulled an item from a chest wrapped in cloth. Snno's voice gets caught in her throat as she knew immediately what it was.
"Nothing wrong. It's about what is right."
Tayasaurus:
Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfY7CobcERI
Mipa smiled and unwrapped the cloth revealing what lay underneath. Snno immediately knew what it was and her mouth hung open. Inside the cloth Mipa cradled the Black Sun, the source of all Umbral life as they knew it. It hummed with an intense energy when exposed to light and created a negative effect where Mipa's hand rested, making it glow white. Mipa's smile turned bigger as she spoke.
"The Black Sun spoke to me again... she told me it's time." She said excitedly.
Snno stepped back concerned.
"Time for what?" she asked.
Mipa set the Black Sun gently on her table and embraced Snno.
"The Sun wishes to speak with you..." Mipa said quietly, almost eerily.
Snno removed herself from the embrace shocked.
"Mipa this isn't a joke is it? It hasn't spoken to anyone but you all these years. What does it want suddenly?" Snno asked skeptically.
Mipa frowned and looked Snno over before answering.
"Child, this is the very vessel we were all born from, she speaks to whom she wishes, and perhaps one day only to you should she choose to do so. Open your mind for what she say's can change the very aspect of your life."
Snno bowed her head once again scolded and took Mipa's hand.
"I am sorry, Mipa. I'm just taken off guard... perhaps i fear what it might say." She said with a shaky tone in her voice.
Mipa gave a kind smile and wrapped the Black Sun back up with the cloth.
(Tempting to make a Rick and Morty joke here. But i'd never be so blatant about it.)
Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9N9MewJde0
"Worry not dear child. What the Sun say's will be for you to interpret and act as guidance for your life. I'll be with you as you connect to her."
Mipa guided Snno outside and they stepped out into the heat of the bonfire. The rest of the village people had stopped including the children, and stood near the bonfire eerily waiting. The weight of the moment was upon Snno and she could feel herself sweating not only from anxiety but from the heat of the massive flame they had built. She didn't like the way her friends and family stood near the fire watching her with silence. She was not use to seeing this side of them and walked anxiously with Mipa as they reached the closest possible distance from the fire. She still didn't know what this was for, the last communication with the Black Sun was before she was born and after the victory over a terrible battle hundreds of years ago.
The Black Sun hummed louder as the heat washed over Snno and Mipa. The negative effect had expanded beyond the cloth and distorted the visual space around it. The villagers started chanting.