This is my original oratory that I have written for my debate class
When I was only 10, I was attacked. The Arkansans attacked my homeland, acting like exaggerated stereotypes of us, making us look like backwards imbeciles. Since then I have had a distinct hatred for Arkansas, how often do you see Arkansas contributing for the US? Almost never. This is also one of the problems seen with Arkansas, they’re useless, but what if they’re using it to their advantage? Maybe they’re planning a big attack on the other states, you may never know. But paranoia and fear mongering isn’t a good way to get people to agree and understand, but neither is sitting around and doing nothing, leaving empty promises for dealing with problems. But I’m not here to persuade, I’m here to inform in a persuasive way, here to inform the potential threat of Arkansas.
I shall start with a minor problem but import to be addressed, I have seen crimes against the English language committed by Arkansas, even their name, which we’ve come to accept as citizens of the United States. To explain, Arkansas is pronounced “Arkansaw” with the last s being silent. However, the state of Kansas which is spelled almost similarly ends with a proper s sound. With this stated, it would be safe to assume that Arkansas is a bootleg version of Kansas.
The unique culture of Arkansas is not hard to explain. But why? Because it doesn't even exist. Instead they are a conglomeration of what would be the worst qualities of the southeast US, that including xenophobia, bible thumpers, insane criminals, and another few things you can't say in school. Arkansas either is unable to or doesn’t want to create it’s own unique culture, instead using the qualities of other states for it’s state symbols as their own, one of these would be Texas’s state bird: the Northern Mockingbird which Texas established in 1927 as theirs, and then Arkansas established it as their state bird in 1929. Arkansas also has the lowest percentage of unique culture of any region of a country, even when compared to Antarctica which has no known permanent human settlement aside from researchers, has an 8% higher abundancy of unique culture than Arkansas with penguins being the proof.
Arkansas is also not a useful asset to America, neither does it give us an advantage in war or the economy (except for Walmart, but Target is way better). What has Arkansas ever done for you? Most likely not much, maybe they don’t want to help us non-Arkansans. Also every time Texas tries to secede, it never works, but what does this have to do with Arkansas? Well I have one word, “Dallas”. For those that may not have known, currently Dallas is a city that is from what I’ve heard, is almost similar to Arkansas, I have a friend in Dallas who wishes not to be named, visited Little Rock about a year ago, he said that the way people acted was “not really any different”. So here’s my theory, the northernmost part of the Texan Coastal Plain (where Dallas is) is a territory Arkansas is trying to take for themselves from Texas, and are using citizens from Arkansas to merge the cultures, further evidence for this would be the existence of Texarkana but nobody cares about them.
So with my points stated, I have to commend Arkansas for not having their agenda exposed to the public, but that’s like commending Riddler for being a great leader. It’s probably them acting like those states no one has an informal opinion on like Iowa and Ohio, but it’s time to open this crate and expose Arkansas for their true nature.
Arkansas is a cancer that went under our noses multiple times and must be treated, but like cancer no one has found a cure for it, but I do. I have a surefire plan that will serve as the panacea to the world’s problems. First we make an Arkansas shaped doma and put it around Arkansas with a 30ft diameter aperture at the top of the dome, we will drop the custom made Nuke “Hulk Hogan’s Secret Surprise” into the hole and eliminate Arkansas once and for all. I’m not done there, Texas will then secede, taking New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Colorado with us, we are pretty much a well established country by that point, until we have the firepower to become a well adept in war, we will begin a surprise attack on Russia because they’re in cahoots with Arkansas. We will simultaneously raid Russian missile silos with reinforced hot air balloons and silenced 12-gauge shotguns, while that is happening, we will have professional ski jumpers raid the Kremlin in Moscow but not kill any political higher ups because we need them for questioning. After Russia has been secured by Texas, we will begin the search for Russia’s superweapon: the Joseph Stalin’s Thermonuclear Powered High Velocity High Damage Extreme Range Supersonic Miniature Apollo Space Program Rocket Golden Sniper Rifle (Joseph’s Golden Sniper Rifle for short). With this weapon in hand, we will begin expanding Texas, starting with the Americas and then the rest of the world, if he (hopefully) is still the president of the United States, we will have Donald Annoying Orange appointed as president of Texas, if he is not, I will have Freek be president in his absence.
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