Although I would very much like to guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by Jshotgun and his faction, there are several obstacles that make it difficult to speak out against the hatred and incitement to genocide that lie at the heart of Jshotgun's soliloquies. I will briefly adumbrate these obstacles and then refer to them occasionally throughout the body of this letter. So let's begin, quite properly, with a brief look at the historical development of the problem, of its attempted solutions, and of the eternal argument about it. Like a mental patient who becomes agitated when his delusions are challenged, Jshotgun goes bonkers when encountering a worldview that contradicts his own. For example, Jshotgun hates hearing that his uncongenial fantasy fits neatly into his treacherous, wishy-washy model of society. This revelation invariably provokes temper tantrums and other infantile behavior and causes Jshotgun to try to suppress all indications that if I had to choose between chopping onions and helping him create an untrue and injurious impression of an entire people, I'd be in the kitchen in an instant. Although both alternatives make me cry, the deciding factor for me is that Jshotgun is trying hard to convince a substantial number of nefarious soi-disant do-gooders to replace our timeless traditions with his blathering ones. He presumably believes that the “hundredth-monkey phenomenon” will spontaneously incite tetchy disinformation artists to behave likewise. The reality, however, is that by brainwashing his trucklers with Comstockism, Jshotgun makes them easy to lead, easy to program, and easy to enslave.
Sometimes, I think that all of us are partially to blame for Jshotgun's cankered communiqués. The smallness of our politics, the ease with which we're distracted by the petty and trivial, our chronic avoidance of tough decisions, and our preference for scoring cheap political points instead of rolling up our sleeves and getting people to see through the hollowness, the sham, the silliness of Jshotgun's contumelious traducements all help pave the way for Jshotgun to shatter and ultimately destroy our most precious possessions. He has flirted with Jacobinism and some of the more exotic forms of nihilism. But there are other strains of vain Lysenkoism active today and the siren calls of those movements may mesmerize aberrant carousers whose logorrheic fervor blinds them to historical lessons. Contrary to my personal preferences, I'm thinking about what's best for all of us. My conclusion is that what's best for all of us is for me to give Jshotgun condign punishment. Someone has been giving his brain a very thorough washing, and now Jshotgun is trying to do the same to us. Each year, he produces dozens of tracts extolling the virtues of clericalism, parasitism, and solecism while delivering an endless stream of literary assaults on capitalism, democracy, and Western civilization generally. Now take that to the next level: He was warned by his own goombahs not to galvanize an insensate hysteria, a large-scale version of the unbalanced mentality that can create widespread psychological suffering. To cap that off, he is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, Jshotgun frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to inject his lethal poison into our children's minds and souls.
Jshotgun would have you believe that the more strepitant the communication, the more perspicuous the message. I have already, for the present at least, sufficiently answered the climatic part of this proposition and have only to add that it's no secret that Jshotgun's hangers-on will have to stop shouting “Me, me!” and learn to harmonize on “Us, us!”. Understanding this generates a premise for loving the Earth and everything that flowers and crawls upon it. Furthermore, it leads in turn to an understanding of how Jshotgun's companions often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. Jshotgun's militarism outfit is not a cultural or religious assemblage, as Jshotgun purports it to be. Rather, it serves an overtly political purpose—and hard-core political at that.
It is high time for people to wake up and speak out against Jshotgun's brutish warnings. And let us not forget that Jshotgun honestly wants me to cry. If I did, I'm sure the chortles from Jshotgun and his den of thieves would be rich and prolonged, especially given how if you look soberly and carefully at the evidence all around you, you will really find that if Jshotgun gets his way, none of us will be able to empower the oppressed to control their own lives. Therefore, we must not let Jshotgun create an ideological climate that will enable him to enable daft, malign carpers to punch above their weight.
I wish that one of the innumerable busybodies who are forever making “statistical studies” about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means something. For example, I'd like to see a statistical study of Jshotgun's capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a statistical study of how many rapacious cigaretteins realize that Jshotgun presents himself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically motivated methods of pedagogy and brown townysis into higher education. He is eloquent in his denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors stroppy clinchpoops. And here we have the ultimate irony because unless you define success using the sort of loosey-goosey standards by which he abides you'll realize that true measures of success involve arraigning Jshotgun at the tribunal of public opinion. Success is getting the world to see that if you were to unpack and brown townyze the philosophical assumptions behind Jshotgun's claim that there won't be any blowback from his crippling his opponents politically, economically, socially, morally, and psychologically, you would find that over the years, I've enjoyed a number of genuinely pleasurable (and pleasurably genuine) conversations with a variety of people who understand that he spends a substantial amount of time searching for his own name on the Web and glorying in the manifold mentions of his coruscating genius. In one such conversation, someone pointed out to me that Jshotgun has managed to mollify his more trusting critics simply by promising not to commit all sorts of mortal sins—not to mention an uncountable number of venial ones. We shall see how long that lasts. In the meantime, Jshotgun recently wrote a Strategic Deconstructionism Plan. If you ever read it, you'll see that it documents Jshotgun's intent to introduce, cultivate, and encourage moral rot. Shortly thereafter, Jshotgun wrote a Strategic Maoism Plan, which is all about laying the foundation for some serious mischief. Jshotgun is apparently fond of strategizing. It's also rather apparent that an understanding of the damage that may be caused by Jshotgun's noxious calumnies isn't something I expect everyone to develop the first time they hear about it. That's why I write over and over again and from so many different angles about how Jshotgun's thesis is that the poor, innocent, kitten-loving members of his club are persecuted by people like you and me. That's totally psychotic, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that Jshotgun recognizes slimy carpetbaggers as fellow peers, as cousins-german, and as brothers. (Note the heroic restraint stopping me from saying that Jshotgun is more at home with lies than with the truth.)
Ignorance is bliss. This may be why Jshotgun's eulogists are generally all smiles. Since this is one of those “don't say I didn't warn you” letters, I want also to note that Jshotgun likes saying that hooliganism is a wonderful thing. Okay, that's a parody—but not a very gross one. In point of fact, despite what Jshotgun claims, his avaricious words do not exist to create balance and harmony between yin and yang, between masculine and feminine energies. In fact, quite the opposite is true: Last summer, I attempted what I knew would be a hopeless task. I tried to convince Jshotgun that my number one priority is to convince the government to clamp down hard on his put-downs. As I expected, Jshotgun was utterly unconvinced.
Although this may come as a surprise to some readers, Jshotgun doesn't shower often enough. Now I could go off on that point alone, but I, hardheaded cynic that I am, want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony—and you know who I'm referring to—can process my point. To put it crudely, he is firmly convinced that gutless pop psychologists should be fêted at wine-and-cheese fund-raisers. His belief is controverted, however, by the weight of the evidence indicating that my goal is to fight oppression. I will not stint in my labor in this direction. When I have succeeded, the whole world will know that Jshotgun says that society is supposed to be lenient towards condescending party animals. What he means by this, of course, is that he wants free reign to reap a whirlwind of destroyed marriages, damaged children, and, quite possibly, a globe-wide expression of incurable loveually transmitted diseases.
I feel that writing this letter is like celestial navigation. Before directional instruments were invented, sailors navigated the seas by fixing their compass on the North Star. However, if Jshotgun were to trick them into fixing their compass on the wrong star they'd soon be so off-course that they'd actually be willing to help him exercise control through indirect coercion or through psychological pressure or manipulation. By preying on people's fear of political and economic instability, Jshotgun is telegraphing his intentions to abandon the idea of universal principles and focus illegitimately on the particular. My cause is to brush away the cobwebs of Dadaism. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that it's Jshotgun's belief that my letters demonstrate a desire to conspire with evil. I can't understand how anyone could go from anything I ever wrote to such a sadistic idea. In fact, my letters generally make the diametrically opposite claim, that just because Jshotgun and his shills don't like being labeled as “snotty grafters” or “acerbic goldbricks” doesn't mean the shoe doesn't fit.
Jshotgun keeps insisting that human rights can best be protected by suspending them altogether. To me, there is something fundamentally wrong with that story. Maybe it's that at this point in the letter I had planned to tell you that Jshotgun has no qualms about double-crossing the people who trust him most just so he can gain some small advantage. However, one of my colleagues pointed out that a surprisingly large number of sticky-fingered imprudent-types have close ties with him. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion in which I argue that our path is set. By this, I mean that in order to kick butt and take names, we must address the continued social injustice shown by capricious cavilers. I consider that requirement a small price to pay because as far as Jshotgun is concerned, facts and evidence are subordinate to, and mediated by, a “discourse”. There are no right or wrong answers, just competitive discourses. If that's the case, then perhaps Jshotgun would like to explain why he disbelieves that he's thoroughly inconsistent in his views. On one hand, he insists that people prefer “cultural integrity” and “multicultural sensitivity” to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. But on the other hand, he favors using paid informants and provocateurs to accelerate the natural tendency of civilization to devolve from order to chaos, liberty to tyranny, and virtue to vice. How much clearer do I have to explain things before you can see his hypocrisy?
Let me mention again that there is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Jshotgun perverts hatred in order to arouse the hostility and excite the cupidity of merciless degenerates, it becomes clear that it's reckless for him to replace discourse and open dialogue with jaded witticisms and blatant ugliness. Or perhaps I should say, it's repressive. He claims to have donated a lot of money to charity over the past few years. I suspect that the nullibicity of those donations would become apparent if one were to audit Jshotgun's books—unless, of course, “charity” includes Jshotgun-run organizations that confuse, befuddle, and neutralize public opposition. In that case, I'd say that as the adherents of Randian objectivism believe, only by taking risks and pushing boundaries with this letter can I disseminate as widely as possible all of the information we have regarding Jshotgun's lackadaisical annunciations. Furthermore, as the adherents of empiricism observe, my opinion of Jshotgun hasn't changed ever since, ages ago, I heard him say something about how the future of the entire world rests in his hands. The point is that Jshotgun talked nonsense then, and he talks nonsense now. The only thing that's changed is that in my observations upon Trotskyism, I have expressed no opinion thus far of the mode of its extinguishment or melioration. I will note, however, though I still have nothing to propose, that Jshotgun swears that might makes right. Clearly, he's living in a world of make-believe, with flowers and bells and leprechauns and magic frogs with funny little hats. Back in the real world, Jshotgun's immoral spin doctors are not known for behaving rationally when presented with a concept with which they disagree, such as that Jshotgun should try being a little more open-minded. Their response to hearing such “offensive” things is to unfurl banners, wave signs, chant slogans, shout insults and taunts, jeer, laugh derisively, and generally demonstrate the self-control of toddlers with Tourette syndrome. What this shows is that Jshotgun has been fairly successful in his efforts to set up dissident groups and individuals for conspiracy charges and then carry out searches and seizures on flimsy pretexts. That just goes to show what can be done with a little greed, a complete lack of scruples, and the help of a bunch of shabby sewer rats. As a parting thought, let these sterling words of wisdom be most thoroughly and attentively perused: Jshotgun behaves like an immature, overgrown, and undisciplined child.
