you are a police officer

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Pngu12970:
forget the bank robbery, bust down the guy's door and shoot him and the stereo, then go back to the bank.

Meth:
furiously start jacking off with the bagel
sit on your shotgun

Conan:
(rng: 2, 1)

you suddenly feel a strong urge to masturbate, and since nobody is around nobody's gonna judge you
but you finished your bagel hours ago, and the only suitable method to masturbate is with a bagel. you remember the first time you did it back when you were a teenager, the feeling of tight warm bread around your schlong, how it felt like it was pushing all your seed out from the base up.

in fact you go back into the bagel shop and order a plain bagel just so you can.

the guy at the counter keeps looking at your shotgun, its not normal for police officers to carry around their shotgun like that

and he gags as go outside, tear off your pants, and stick the shotgun barrel up your ass while jacking off with the bagel

...

you hear the sirens come closer, so to destroy all evidence of this travesty you take out the shotgun and shoot the bagel guy in the face, then go back to pleasuring yourself

some pigeons land near you. the rap music is replaced with some heavy metal

Drydess:
throw a bagel at the bagel guy

Conan:
hes dead so you reenter the shop and throw it at his body on the ground

you're actually pretty bad at throwing so you miss

also you shoot out the radio on the wall cause you forgot to earlier. the heavy metal music is still going though cause that dudes a block over on like the 5th floor of an apartment complex and you're not really interested enough to run over there and destroy his stereo

you hear the sirens around the corner, you're standing in an empty bagel shop with a dead guy behind the counter, and your pants are down and your ass is obviously violated.

...you're sorta sure that there are weirder things out there. probably. this is pushing it though

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