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| how has 2017 been for you? |
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| McJob:
--- Quote from: Foxscotch on December 10, 2017, 01:48:03 PM ---why are you always so loving dramatic --- End quote --- Do you dislike my post because the deepest messages you're capable of reading are loveual innuendos levelled at you on a messenger service quickly going out of popularity? I'm pretty sure you make Stocking seem well adjusted, furball. --- Quote from: Corderlain on December 10, 2017, 02:27:07 PM ---Two cases of pot calling the kettle black in one page oh boy --- End quote --- I can't wait to read your post about how you taught those fake kids of yours about professional cucking techniques. |
| ultimamax:
--- Quote from: Foxscotch on December 10, 2017, 01:48:03 PM ---why are you always so loving dramatic --- End quote --- yeah youre actually being an starfish rn. this is basically a vent thread, obv if you dont know him very well you can just not read it, but there are plenty of people here who would care to read it because they care about him. i lost like 50 pounds since september 2016, but my progress stopped in april (when summer break started and i went back to chicago) and i still want to lose like 30 or 40 more pounds. whenever i go to school i sort of just stop caring about myself or my development, and then i feel really guilty when i come back to chicago and i'm still not the person i want to be yet. this has also been one of the busiest semesters of my life (taking the hardest class in my major) and i didnt really scale up my time management to compensate so i feel like school is slowly suffocating me while simultaneously considering that my fault. (idk if i have executive dysfunction or something) im also having an identity crCIA about whether i really even should major in computer science or not (ive liked it since first year of high school, but the industry sort of seems stuffty to me) im taking a much lighter courseload next semester so i can try to work all this stuff out this all came to a head like two weeks ago and i had half a mental breakdown and realized i probably have some kind of anxiety disorder or depression or something. i actually bounced back in a pretty big way and i was happy for like a week because i was getting so much stuff done and tackling some problems head on. but the underlying problems are all still there and stuff is sort of creeping up on me again im also still in the closet and am trying to become financially independent as fast as possible, because i have no loving idea what will happen if my parents find out. this sucks in particular because i sort of bungled up getting an internship for next summer tl;dr stuff year but im setting myself up to change stuff |
| Red Spy:
--- Quote from: Red Spy on October 27, 2017, 03:58:04 PM ---guys i'm sure cord takes good care of his wife's kids --- End quote --- always relevant, never changing |
| TeeOS:
2017 has been good soundcloud grew and got more skilled at music stuff taking interesting classes at school, from student newspaper and creative writing to ceramics and music theory finally got a job and i can pay for christmas presents applied to 5 or so colleges, got accepted by all of em, now i just have to pick one and fill out grants/scholarships on that note im graduating in 2018 as well finally stopped hearing about stupid election chatter from last year and no longer have to deal with celebrity deaths and "the current year is so terrible!!" |
| Metario:
--- Quote from: Metario on December 07, 2017, 04:29:24 AM ---it’s been so bad that it can’t get any worse. major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder came back (pre-existing condition, from 5th grade) and over the summer I went through a really bad edgy/emo phase where i ended up scarring up my arms/thighs, broke up with my first and found out she was faking everything, just flew through my second gf, school’s extremely burdening with 2 ap (bio, human geo), 2 honors (math, language arts), 3 of our dogs have died this year, 2 of my friends attempted over the summer as well to say the least i hate this year --- End quote --- here's a grand ol quote from my first ex-gf --- Quote ---[...] Truth is, I never loved him. Never. I tried the "fake it until you make it" thing, but it never worked. I never loved him. [..] I was over him before our relationship even began. The secrets I told him were meaningless. Everything I felt was my paranoia trying to keep someone because I was selfish. I didn't want to lose someone else. I know what love feels like. I felt it when I spent every waking moment of the day with [ex-bf]. Hell, sometimes I still feel it when I walk past [ex-bf]. I never felt it with [me] --- End quote --- expanding on this- i've had really bad trust issues for a while. i constantly think that i have no friends and that i have to be extremely secretive and hide everything from everybody because once they know who i actually am- who i put on a persona as on the internet, they're going to turn the forget around and get out, and, for the most part, that's happened every single loving time. it's hard to be yourself when yourself is something you created while spending your entire loving life on the internet, going from when you were 8 until this present day. and, so, yeah. i got diagnosed with some form of depression and anxiety three months ago and i started taking anti-depressants, but, i kicked myself off of them after having a legitimately terrible anxiety attack where everything felt like it was melting away. yeah, it's not related but it's still a negative connotation behind it and it's insanely hard to get over it especially after what happened. anyways, this is all after the summer. after i got this from one of my friends at 3 am while i was in japan, something just snapped and idk how i felt. i was either crying, numb, or just.. bleh. i never had a good day per se and every day would end in me crying myself to sleep or just.. dunno. around this time, one of my close friends from last year tried twice to take his life and i was there for one of them and called the cops (this plays a role later.).. anyways. so i started to make friends- and i made a really good one, with this russian chick that's a year younger then me and we nerded out, made an edm playlist, talked about a senior trip where we'd go to japan together and gtfo away from everyone, and, she helped me through, and i helped her through but.. i dunno. now it's that the paradigm of our whole friendship has changed and she no longer texts me on a consistent basis to talk and she's always busy cuddling with her bf and it's just, depressing, knowing that she said that this friendship will never be replaced and that i can't be replaced but at the same time, y'know. over the summer, all this stuff happened and i went through heaven and hell to talk to her. i would constantly fend off her friends and her current boyfriend at the time, telling him that we weren't actually planning anything romantic (we weren't), and i'd constantly defend her.. so.. that was all in vain. and before her and the whole friendship paradigm change, her current boyfriend is my second ex's older brother and really before this they did some stuff over the summer while she was still in a relationship and bleh. i defended her from (now my) second ex's wrath and i tried to it explain it to her (being second ex)... yeah, anyways. the rest of the summer went off "okay", and i continually talked to russian chick, and that was nice, then school started. school was genuinely extremely hard. i couldn't stand the pressure for the first few days and i would continually run to the bathroom and break down crying (i still sorta do). i was flooded with ap bio work on the first day and i couldn't stand it, so, my grades started to suffer. they plummeted and i think at a point i was actually failing ap bio. all the work was overwhelming, and, i couldn't stand it. everything became worse and i came really close to trying to take my life in the school bathrooms. i never went through with it. i was (and still am) living a constant hell every single day where my mood would drop to the absolute loweest point and i would be really hard to talk to, and, i'd usually come home and cry myself into a nap. i got my second gf around this time and i cared about her- i really did, and i thought at this point i could open up to her and rant about my feelings every day and actually tell her. she broke up with me a few weeks later because my mood was so loving volatile and that i was exhausting to talk to. around the breakup time i also started to lose touch with russian chick, and, i guess that's where my life is atm. i know this is unreadable and that it's just mostly uninterpretable ranting, but, oh well lmao. i guess: tl;dr: i've lost everything and everybody i've cared about irl and i'm just a bystander who's exhausting to talk to and who has to fake emotions just to get through the day. idk anymore lol |
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