Adjusting to a new life

[NanoCap66]

I’ve lurked the forums off and on for like 15 years. Used to be to keep up with  the community when it was kicking, but now I’m here to see people I grew up playing with moving on in life. So I’d like some advice from you guys, really anything helps.

My adult life has been strange. Did the Marine Corps, got out and tried college with the GI bill, failed massively then tried retail. Did that, got bored and never really felt like I could adjust back to civilian life so I went and joined a Kurdish revolutionary group in Syria. Came back home, lived in a van because I remember hating having a normal life. After a year of that I got tired of the lack of purpose and went to Iraq in 2021 with a similar revolutionary group for a year. A couple months ago I was at the airport city in Sulaymaniyah ready to go home and retire from the whole soldier thing, and as I waited to go back home, fully thinking I was going to get back in the van and do something with my life, the war in Ukraine happened and the president literally begged for foreign fighters.. so here I am almost 4 months in Ukraine  and on the bus back to Poland, and then back home.

The question: how the forget do I adjust back in the states? What has helped you get back on track in situations where you feel isolated, different, and unprepared for a drastic change in your life? I desperately want to move on from this lifestyle, but when you’re down in your own sorrow, feeling alone and unwanted you resort back to what brings you purpose. Is there a purpose back home for me? I don’t want to relapse. Thanks to anyone who responds

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[Drydess]

if you are in fact an international terrorist, you could start by begging forgiveness

[Drydess]

no one there calls it sulaymaniyah though so you’re not

[NanoCap66]

no one there calls it sulaymaniyah though so you’re not

What the hell are you even saying, different dialects. Slemanî, now leave some space for people to give me actual advice.

[Conan]

i think you'll have trouble finding legitimate advice for your situation cause i dont think any military members of the blockland community are still active on the forums

your case seems kind of extreme and tbh it seems like you'd do best talking with a therapist, but i get that can be difficult. maybe remote therapy sessions can let you continue to search for purpose while working to overcome your internal blocks. civilian life doesnt really value the skills you gain from the military so you will have to either stay in military relevant fields or develop new skills/spin specific skills you developed in the military in a way that lets you get a decent job.

[Aide33]

i'd like to offer advice or empathize with your situation, but I don't understand what would motivate someone to become what is basically a war tourist?

could you shed some light onto what motivated you to fight in these foreign conflicts? from what I gather, it wasn't ideological because you seem to have fought on multiple incongruent sides of conflicts so I can't seem to pin down what caused you to take up arms. I could be wrong though, feel free to correct me

[Potatoh]

i think you'll have trouble finding legitimate advice for your situation cause i dont think any military members of the blockland community are still active on the forums

your case seems kind of extreme and tbh it seems like you'd do best talking with a therapist, but i get that can be difficult. maybe remote therapy sessions can let you continue to search for purpose while working to overcome your internal blocks. civilian life doesnt really value the skills you gain from the military so you will have to either stay in military relevant fields or develop new skills/spin specific skills you developed in the military in a way that lets you get a decent job.

if you have contact w/ ant he'll probably say something cuz hes still online just elsewhere

[foulprairiedog]

I don't understand what would motivate someone to become what is basically a war tourist?

for someone who is deeply traumatized by the military, it can be easier to simply continue what they are used to. military provides rigid schedules and structure to daily life. you do what you're told. it is similar to how people have trouble adjusting to normal life after getting out of prison.
instead of worrying about taxes and rent and all the problems of civilian life, you need only think of what manual labor you are assigned to, where to stand, where to aim your gun. years of having someone else make decisions for you conditions one to have difficulty making their own decisions.

[Conan]

can confirm that as someone who's had decisions made for me my whole life, its difficult to take responsibility for all my decisions but ive been slowly breaking out of that rut

[Aide33]

for someone who is deeply traumatized by the military, it can be easier to simply continue what they are used to. military provides rigid schedules and structure to daily life. you do what you're told. it is similar to how people have trouble adjusting to normal life after getting out of prison.
instead of worrying about taxes and rent and all the problems of civilian life, you need only think of what manual labor you are assigned to, where to stand, where to aim your gun. years of having someone else make decisions for you conditions one to have difficulty making their own decisions.

i see, i can't relate to this, but i can understand it at least

[NanoCap66]

i think you'll have trouble finding legitimate advice for your situation cause i dont think any military members of the blockland community are still active on the forums

your case seems kind of extreme and tbh it seems like you'd do best talking with a therapist, but i get that can be difficult. maybe remote therapy sessions can let you continue to search for purpose while working to overcome your internal blocks. civilian life doesnt really value the skills you gain from the military so you will have to either stay in military relevant fields or develop new skills/spin specific skills you developed in the military in a way that lets you get a decent job.

Good advice, I think lots of times it’s hard to even start looking at the hard decisions life throws at me. Easier to just go down the status quo, so I’ll try therapy first of all. I’ve got it easier than a lot of guys in my latest unit, so I know it can be done.

[NanoCap66]

i'd like to offer advice or empathize with your situation, but I don't understand what would motivate someone to become what is basically a war tourist?

could you shed some light onto what motivated you to fight in these foreign conflicts? from what I gather, it wasn't ideological because you seem to have fought on multiple incongruent sides of conflicts so I can't seem to pin down what caused you to take up arms. I could be wrong though, feel free to correct me

Oh for sure I get that. Began with patriotism so I joined the Marine’s, then I went to Syria because I wasn’t deployed in. I went there purely for ego and war tourism. I got back and had a lot of time to myself,thinking about what I’ve done in life and my motivations, so I came back and lived in a cave in Shengal for a year as a lowly guerrilla. Didn’t post on social media, didn’t do it for pride, felt like the best therapy ever. Really did it for the cause this time, went there to help the Kurds that gave us the chance to come and be a part of their anti-imperialism cause. Then ukraine happened and that was motivated on by anti imperialism. Somehow I found a connection between a semi communist militia in Iraq and Syria, and Ukraine’s situation. Not sure if this explains it, even writing it out feels exactly what it looks like, like I’m trying to get attention, but honestly that’s why I’m on these forums asking this and not on Instagram asking for “advice”.

[NanoCap66]

for someone who is deeply traumatized by the military, it can be easier to simply continue what they are used to. military provides rigid schedules and structure to daily life. you do what you're told. it is similar to how people have trouble adjusting to normal life after getting out of prison.
instead of worrying about taxes and rent and all the problems of civilian life, you need only think of what manual labor you are assigned to, where to stand, where to aim your gun. years of having someone else make decisions for you conditions one to have difficulty making their own decisions.

THIS, it is much easier to be told to wake up at 5am than forcing yourself to on a weekend. Seems we all understand that, military or not. So yeah I’m gonna need some discipline as well. Living in a van sort of became a situation where I wake up at 2pm and play warzone and drink beer till 4am. I was barely even trying to help my situation. Tried dating, tried working out more or whatever in the midday, but physical and mental health is a lifestyle not just the hour you put into the gym or whatever I guess.

[Awesomebread²]

do you have old family/friends that you could reconnect with?

[plad101]

How are your old marine buddies doing? Have anybody from there you're still on good terms with? They're probably some of the best people to help you out.
I sadly haven't deployed so my experience with combat PTSD is non-existant and I feel sorry I can't help you out more. But I know you'll pull through.