Burger Tales
By: Jared (Radial543)
The colon of the old cow knew at once that something was wrong when the cow that he was in was hoisted up and dropped into a horrible machine. All of the sudden sweltering heat blasted the cow and the colon “passed out”. When the colon woke up, he was very cold and was shackled together, he was trapped with paper. Though he didn’t know this, the colon was in a box on a truck. He looked around and saw some other parts of cows that were also bound and shackled. As more and more of the “prisoners” woke up, they conversed about the situation and why they were there. As the truck came to a stop all the newly made patties jolted forward, but could not move due to their wrapping. The colon sat quietly and stayed still. Soon the top of their prison was lifted up and blinding light shone in. He was carelessly lifted and taken inside a strange, large building. As the courageous patty was slung into a room, he assimilated into a huge mound of patties. The horde was a bustle of excitement and all the patties were yelling, talking, and conspiring to get out. All of the sudden a slender human with an apron came in the busy room and shoveled off some patties to an unknown place! The mound was in turmoil and things turned to chaos, every patty was thinking one thing; who will be taken away next? The man with the apron came back in again and the colon felt a sudden upheaval as he was scooped up and carried into a door way filled with blinding light. As the patty was thrown onto a strange, black surface he started sizzling and he slowly fell asleep. When the patty woke up, he was shackled yet again, but this time he was greasy and had a bread top and bottoms, yet he didn’t know that he had been made into a burger! As he was put onto a wooden shelf, he looked around and saw some other patties that were also made into burgers. The colon turned and asked one of the anonymous “disfigured” patties and feebly said,
“What have they made us into?” The other patty also turned and said,
“They turned us into burgers!” The burger was bewildered and sat in fear on the shelf. One of the men in aprons walked over and took one of the scared patties and walked out of another doorway where the colon could hear lots of strange voices. Within five minutes the burgers on the shelf heard a blood-curdling scream as, apparently, the burger was crunched open and chewed to bits. The burgers stood still, unmoving from the horror of the incident, concluding their terrible fate. One burger tried to jump off the shelf but on the impact from the long fall the burger got splattered all over the floor and was no more. Looking over the edge, the burgers shivered in fright, there was no way out of this horrible calamity! As the man with the apron came back he picked up the poor colon and wrapped him in some more paper. As he walked out of the door, a burst of sound scared and surprised the old colon, then and there, he saw a extremely enlarged human waiting for his delicious and greasy meal, all of the sudden the burger felt very sick and almost fainted. While the man waited for his burger, time seemed elapse very slowly as the man paid for his burger. As the burger was handed over to the morbidly fat man he screamed with rage as the pudgy fingers closed buns! He was being carried over to what looked like a table. As the man squeezed in between the chair and table, numerous chins and all, he started to unwrap the poor colon! The man let out a triumphant roar and threw back his head as he opened his mouth for the first taste of the delicious colon. Suddenly the burger squirmed out of the man's giant, fleshy hand and rolled off the table screaming, as he was collecting grime from the floor, the fat man burst out of the table as his belly was flopping around, landed onto the floor, reached down and ate the burger all in one bite and the trash on the floor rimmed his mouth. After that incident he wiped his mouth and let a huge burp slip out of his mouth. This is where the story comes to an end, when the rather puffy man’s teeth ripped through the burger patty’s flesh and penetrated his main body parts.
