| Off Topic > Creativity |
| Life in Black and White - New Site |
| << < (2/7) > >> |
| Dr Bling:
It was good and then it ended, and now I WANT MOAR |
| VerticalHorizon:
Thanks guys, I might start working on the next part today. |
| oromis:
--- Quote from: tails on December 07, 2008, 09:47:40 AM ---tl;dr --- End quote --- qft nah, i skimmed it, seems pretty good, I wasn't very interested in the story itself, more to find one tiny insignificant mistake to flame you for edit: read more, it is so much more interesting when I read more in to it |
| Lt Chub Chub:
Was the light bulb in his head incandescent or fluorescent? If it was fluorescent he would have had mercury in his hypothermic brain and he would have probably died. Also I agree about the whole “bed be awesome!” thing (I had to write an auto biography for school once and half of it was about things and locations in my life so I just talked about my bed for the good part of a page). |
| Falcondude:
I think you should use more commas in the dialogue... it seems kind of weird to see "But honey I don't want to have to..." as opposed to "But, honey, I don't want to have to...". Maybe that's just me being used to using a lot of commas. |
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