Leon's Random generators

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Aphtonites:

--- Quote ---All right, a truck driver walks into a bar. A pig says "I'd recite the Carmina Burana from memory to get a drink." The truck driver says "Whatever." The bartender says "See that monkey over there? If you hold this pencil between your ass cheeks that monkey will forget you and anyone else you'd like to invite along."

So the truck driver says "What? They sold me a chihuahua?"
--- End quote ---
What just happened?

Aphtonites:
Bump

WhatevaGuy:
You don't bump after six minutes.

Aphtonites:
Sorry, this topic sort of died for a while D:
Anyway, http://www.brunching.com/cgi/barjoke.cgi is full of win too, it makes a bit more sense than Leon's joke generator, but it's still crazy.

--- Quote ---Okay, so a blonde walks into a bar. The bartender thinks a minute and says "We don't see many blondes in here." The blonde shouts "Are you kidding? I'm a blonde!" The bartender says "Hey. Why don't you get up on the bar and do the Hokey-Pokey?"

So the blonde says "Moo."
--- End quote ---

--- Quote ---This duck walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey. Why don't you grant three wishes to the next person who walks through that door?" The duck says "I'll take a tequila shot." The bartender says "We don't see many ducks in here."

So the duck holds the bartender over his tequila shot and yells "Spit it out you bastard!"
--- End quote ---

--- Quote ---Okay, so a lawyer walks into a bar. The bartender says "See that midget over there? If you nail your feet to the floor that midget will take you home and make love to you all night." The lawyer says "I'll bet anyone ten bucks I can fly from here to the end of the bar!" The bartender says "You owe me a quarter."

So the lawyer thinks a minute and says "Sure, but don't hit me so hard with the hammer."
--- End quote ---

--- Quote ---Okay, so a genie walks into a bar. A guy looks at the genie and sits down and says "I know I don't know you, but I'd love to go upstairs with you and show you more pleasure than you can possibly imagine." The genie says "Are you kidding? I'm a genie!" The bartender says "See that Californian over there? If you nail your feet to the floor that Californian will do you right here on the bar."

So the genie tosses back a Manhattan and says "What? They sold me a chihuahua?"
--- End quote ---

--- Quote ---Okay, so a genie walks into a bar. A guy looks at the genie and sits down and says "I know I don't know you, but I'd love to go upstairs with you and show you more pleasure than you can possibly imagine." The genie says "Are you kidding? I'm a genie!" The bartender says "See that Californian over there? If you nail your feet to the floor that Californian will do you right here on the bar."

So the genie tosses back a Manhattan and says "What? They sold me a chihuahua?"
--- End quote ---

Joeboy:

--- Quote from: WhatevaGuy on November 21, 2009, 06:26:57 PM ---All right, a dog walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey. Why don't you fly from here to the end of the bar?" The dog shouts "Can you do something nobody in this bar has ever seen before?" A kangaroo cozies up to the dog and says "For a twenty I'll do the mattress Macarena with you all night long."

So the dog says "I'm a frayed knot!"
From: http://www.brunching.com/cgi/barjoke.cgi

Sorry, I just don't like the comics one.

--- End quote ---
So this duck walks into a bar. A nun cozies up to the duck and says "For fifty bucks I'll take you into the back room and give you the best love of your life." The duck says "Are you kidding? I'm a duck!" The bartender shouts "Look, you seem like a nice duck. Give me a hundred bucks and I'll make it worth your while."

The duck says "You better pet him first, he looks mean."

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