You know, lots of people know how to eat a piano. In 1764, George Washington had to gobble down a grand piano. In 2003, Neil Armstrong wanted to show how strong he was by eating 4 pounds of organic beef and eating 3 pianos. Pretty impressive! Unfortunately, since you're on this topic, you probably don't know how to eat pianos. But don't worry, this topic, absolutely
not by
Renekar, will show you how!
You will need:• The ability to eat
• Any type of piano
• A mouth
• The ability to eat wood
• Appetite
• Teeth
• Milk
Note:Decide if you are actually going to eat your piano. If your piano is an antique, consider selling it.
Today's value of upright pianos from the years 1860 to 1880 range from $400 to $15,000, depending on the condition of the piano. Today's value of grand pianos from the years 1860 to 1880 range from $1,500 to $40,000. If your piano is in very poor condition and you're too lazy to take it to a professional to fix it, then maybe you should eat it. Your choice.
There are 2 types of main pianos. A grand piano and an upright piano.
A grand piano looks like this:
An upright piano looks like this:
Which one do you have?
If you have a grand piano:Step 1:Remember to start with the top! Eating the piano legs first may cause the piano to fall on you, causing everyone to laugh at you while you slowly die.
Step 2:Remember, eating pianos are a challenge. Don't ragequit when you figure out you can't eat a piano on your first try. Like Isaac Newton said, "Eating a piano requires patience, a big mouth, and apples." Use your mouth to put one part of the piano into your mouth. Then use your eating ability to eat that part of the piano. If you don't know how to use a mouth, please learn how by looking up "How to use a mouth" and "How to eat things" on Google.
Step 3:Continue repeating step 2 until you get to the keys, the wires (inside the piano), and/or the three pedals.
The keys are made of ivory. No one on the Blockland Forums has actually tasted ivory. Actually, no one in the WORLD has tasted ivory, according to Google search results. You can still eat the keys, but use caution.
The piano wires are made of tempered high-carbon steel, also known as spring steel. If you absolutely want to eat the wires, consider drinking milk before you chew on the wires, as milk strengthens the teeth and will probably not crack your teeth. Probably.
The pedals are foot-operated levers at the base of a piano which change the instrument's sound in various ways. Usually made of a hard material, you again need to drink milk to strengthen your teeth.
Step 4:When you are done eating, remember to wash your hands and mouth, as the insides of a piano get dusty overtime. If you have any splinters in your mouth, please follow the instructions that follow this sentence.
First, do not touch the area at all. Rinse the affected area(s) with mouthwash after you eat or drink anything other than water. Rinse the area(s) with lots of warm/hot salt water. Do this as often as you would like. Do NOT swallow the salt water. The salt and mouthwash can help infection and the soaking will help wash unreachable things out.
Have fun eating your grand piano!
If you have a upright piano:Step 1:You still need to start with the top. Although if you eat the piano legs first you won't be crushed, you might be stupid and eat the bottom first, and if you eat enough, the piano will fall on you and everyone will laugh at you.
Step 2:The insides of an upright piano are more clumped together, so eating it can be a challenge. Remember, eat slowly and not fast. Eating fast is asking yourself to get splinters in your mouth.
Step 3:See Step 3 of eating a grand piano.
Step 4:See Step 4 of eating a grand piano.
Happy piano eating!
EDIT 1/26/2013How to eat electrical keyboardsElectrical keyboards are more dangerous than a normal keyboard when you eat them. Follow these steps so you don't die.
Step 1:Unplug everything. I mean everything.
Step 2:Drink lots of milk. Lots of milk will make your teeth harden than my, so basically your teeth are immune for 30 minutes or less.
Step 3:Don't eat the wires first! Eat the exterior of the electrical piano first.
Step 4:If you can't unplug the keyboard and you want to eat the wires, put electrical tape in your mouth so you won't get electrocuted.
Have fun!
Warning:If you actually read all of this, stop taking this topic and see your doctor. Side effects of this topic include:
• Vomiting
• Liver failure
• Heart failure
• Self Delete by stab
• Increased appetite
• Amnesia
• Brain Failure
• Anxiety disorders
If you experience any of these side effects, contact your doctor immediately as some people don't know how to use a piano anymore and 69 deaths were reported as of today.
Oh, and be sure not to swallow the salt water.
If you can't take a joke then please get out.
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