REBOOT - In his caravan

[Zay]

Kurt: Look around the inside of the building, and try to find exits or other rooms.

[Ad Bot]

[TheKid]

hold on
they were teleported to somewhere they dont know
it's one room
and already, gecko knows the entire town?
wtf

[TheKid]

forrest bump

[kidplasma]

forrest bump

this adventure doesn't get so much attention.... Expect update Saturday.

[Zay]

this adventure doesn't get so much attention.... Expect update Saturday.

To be completely honest, you should improve the dialogue

All the characters sound like they have the same personality, and use the same words. Their reactions are pretty much the same no matter who they are. They don't sound like the ages they're supposed to be, they sound like 11 year old kids.

Also the adventure is so incoherent it's irritating. Gecko wakes up in this room and knows nothing. After that they show nothing else but two other guys in a completely different room with a guy hanging on the ceiling. Then, a foyer where suddenly all the characters have gotten together, and Gecko knows a secret about this town out of absolutely nowhere. He was laying in bed all day. Oh also there's ANOTHER setting where two guys are randomly knocked out. Nobody even knows what's going on, or what's the purpose.

From here on, the only thing I can tell from the story so far is that every character is going to die, leaving horrible lines behind.

[kidplasma]

To be completely honest, you should improve the dialogue

All the characters sound like they have the same personality, and use the same words. Their reactions are pretty much the same no matter who they are. They don't sound like the ages they're supposed to be, they sound like 11 year old kids.

Also the adventure is so incoherent it's irritating. Gecko wakes up in this room and knows nothing. After that they show nothing else but two other guys in a completely different room with a guy hanging on the ceiling. Then, a foyer where suddenly all the characters have gotten together, and Gecko knows a secret about this town out of absolutely nowhere. He was laying in bed all day. Oh also there's ANOTHER setting where two guys are randomly knocked out. Nobody even knows what's going on, or what's the purpose.

From here on, the only thing I can tell from the story so far is that every character is going to die, leaving horrible lines behind.

You're kind of an ass, not because of the context of the post, but because you choose to tell me this NOW, when I spent time updating this, instead of improving on my art and story telling.
Locking, if you have anything to say about this, PM me.

[Cybertails1998]

so instead of trying to improve you're just going to put a cross on the entire thing and leave it for dead?

he's right -- the story is wildly inconsistent, everyone has the mentality of a brick and it's kind of hard to tell what's going on. those can be patched somewhat by showing us how your character got the knowledge, reading a comic book and jotting down a firm storyline and/or recap of what's happening, respectively.
I could help you remedy all those if you were online on steam, just saying :v