First chapter of a book i'm writing (The Rapture)

[Conan]

-Large snip-

Thank you, that covered the rest of the grammar mistakes that I didn't have time to cover.
Good for Conor, there are some people here that are better at grammar than he is. Therefore, he has a lot of help.

Also...

B-B-B-BUMP!

[Ad Bot]

[Inv3rted]

Tell the orb it doesn't exist.

[WhatevaGuy]

Tell the orb it doesn't exist.

Shut the forget up, are you trying to start a religion war?

[Riot]

Tell the orb it doesn't exist.

Its funny how humans decide to believe something without research them selves, we are humans, we are new here, and you never know for truth of what is really beyond our understanding. Your mind choses to believe the closest Idea to you by just hearing from somewhere that god isnt real and you your self really didnt even care to look into the Idea and figure it out your self. Unless you did and your work told you your answer "No he isn't real."

[Inv3rted]

Considering I was theist for the majority of my life, I'd say yes I did think about things. You can stop the attempts at condescending.

Shut the forget up, are you trying to start a religion war?

Cry more. It was a joke.

[Illidan]

Stop right there, and leave it at that.

[WhatevaGuy]

Cry more. It was a joke.

It wasn't particularly funny.

[LoserHero]

The forums is probably not the best place to get constructive criticism, I'd suggest your classmates. The only thing I have to say that hasn't been said is make your sentences flow. 'I don't like to read. Stop. Then read some more. Finding out these sentences are too short.'.