The speech seems to lack a point and the three points you make between your intro and conclusion just seem like notes and lack any paragraph structure.
I find it more useful, if you're going to go the presentation notes route for a speech, to write out your entire speech and then come up with a note or two for each paragraph to remember what you were going to say.
I either memorize my entire speech or just have the entire speech written out in front of me when I do a speech. Probably the best thing to do is to memorize but still have it up there with you. It allows you to look down at it if you forget where you are/what your next point is/what you're going to say next. But you're not reading off of a paper the entire time.
