It all started when our adventurer, carrotlord Mcgee, woke up in a forest. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling abnormally concerned, carrotlord Mcgee hit a fork, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Subsequently, he realized that his beloved golden carrot was missing! Immediately he called his buddy, Elora Rapebottom. carrotlord Mcgee had known Elora Rapebottom for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Elora Rapebottom was unique. She was attractive though sometimes a little... insensitive. carrotlord Mcgee called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Elora Rapebottom picked up to a very glad carrotlord Mcgee. Elora Rapebottom calmly assured him that most marmots shudder before mating, yet capybaras usually sassily cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting carrotlord Mcgee. Why was Elora Rapebottom trying to distract carrotlord Mcgee? Because she had snuck out from carrotlord Mcgee's with the golden carrot only ten days prior. It was a flamboyant little golden carrot... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before carrotlord Mcgee got back to the subject at hand: his golden carrot. Elora Rapebottom sneezed. Relunctantly, Elora Rapebottom invited him over, assuring him they'd find the golden carrot. carrotlord Mcgee grabbed his bed and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Elora Rapebottom realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the golden carrot and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if carrotlord Mcgee took the Viper, she had take at least eleven minutes before carrotlord Mcgee would get there. But if he took the the rare giant-snakeed horse of Africa? Then Elora Rapebottom would be really screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Elora Rapebottom was interrupted by four selfish blue-bellied mondayfishs that were lured by her golden carrot. Elora Rapebottom belched; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she carefully reached for her salt shaker and aggressively stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the moor, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the the rare giant-snakeed horse of Africa rolling up. It was carrotlord Mcgee.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, carrotlord Mcgee was out of the the rare giant-snakeed horse of Africa and went sassily jaunting toward Elora Rapebottom's front door. Meanwhile inside, Elora Rapebottom was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the golden carrot into a box of mittens and then slid the box behind her microwave. Elora Rapebottom was worried but at least the golden carrot was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Elora Rapebottom sassily purred. With a calculated push, carrotlord Mcgee opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish ass in a '63 Comet,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Elora Rapebottom assured him. carrotlord Mcgee took a seat right next to where Elora Rapebottom had hidden the golden carrot. Elora Rapebottom cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But carrotlord Mcgee was distracted. A few minutes later, Elora Rapebottom noticed a selfish look on carrotlord Mcgee's face. carrotlord Mcgee slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Elora Rapebottom felt a stabbing pain in her chest when carrotlord Mcgee asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the golden carrot right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on carrotlord Mcgee's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's spoons from when she used to have pet hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. carrotlord Mcgee nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Elora Rapebottom could react, carrotlord Mcgee skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The golden carrot was plainly in view.
carrotlord Mcgee stared at Elora Rapebottom for what what must've been six milliseconds. Unexpectedly, Elora Rapebottom groped flamboyantly in carrotlord Mcgee's direction, clearly desperate. carrotlord Mcgee grabbed the golden carrot and bolted for the door. It was locked. Elora Rapebottom let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, carrotlord Mcgee,' she rebuked. Elora Rapebottom always had been a little dimwitted, so carrotlord Mcgee knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Elora Rapebottom did something crazy, like... start chucking spoons at her or something. Almost immediately, he gripped his golden carrot tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Elora Rapebottom looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from carrotlord Mcgee. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for carrotlord Mcgee. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Elora Rapebottom walked over to the window and looked down. carrotlord Mcgee was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, carrotlord Mcgee was struggling to make his way through the moor behind Elora Rapebottom's place. carrotlord Mcgee had severely hurt his leg during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral blue-bellied mondayfishs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the golden carrot. One by one they latched on to carrotlord Mcgee. Already weakened from his injury, carrotlord Mcgee yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of blue-bellied mondayfishs running off with his golden carrot.
About seven hours later, carrotlord Mcgee awoke, his leg throbbing. It was dark and carrotlord Mcgee did not know where he was. Deep in the arid moor, carrotlord Mcgee was extraordinarily lost. Rather abruptly, he remembered that his golden carrot was taken by the blue-bellied mondayfishs. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big blue-bellied mondayfish emerged from the pumpkin patch. It was the alpha blue-bellied mondayfish. carrotlord Mcgee opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the blue-bellied mondayfish sunk its teeth into carrotlord Mcgee's arm. With a faint groan, the life escaped from carrotlord Mcgee's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than nine miles away, Elora Rapebottom was entombed by anguish over the loss of the golden carrot. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened paper clip. With a quick thrust, she buried it deeply into her neck. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about carrotlord Mcgee... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the golden carrot that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant blue-bellied mondayfishs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright ©
www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-present
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
