What would you do if you met the above user in a dark alley?

[King of losers]

Nothing.

[Ad Bot]

[Lil D]

Laugh at your losingness.

[_Dark_]

say hi

[Man 2]

Yell, "THEY'RE ALWAYS AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS!!" And throw at you a magical marshmallow that proceeds to expand to the size of a dumpster and swallow you.

[COOKIEZ]

throw the box of lucky charms in a hobo's can fire

[Welknair]

Flee from the ensuing explosion. (Everyone knows lucky charms are explosive)

[Man 2]

Get my boys to jump you.

[Totaldude911]

Borrow your microphone earpiece.

[JD]

Nothing since I don't know who you are

[Chriz]

engage in a conversation

[VerticalHorizon]

Hot love.

[Chriz]

Hot love.

[Dusty12]

Kill the both of you.

[King of losers]

Nothing.

[Man 2]

Form an unstoppable dancing tag team, travel the world together, make tons of money, and go down in history as the world's best dancing duo.

That is, until you die and I lose my first contest. I become a drunkard, rob a liquor store and get myself arrested. My wife gets a divorce, and 20 years later I throw myself off a cliff because I can't stand life anymore.
Six months after that, I get a memorial theater. It's your fault.