"In a small town in Oregon, a young woman lay in her bed, sleeping and dreaming about funnel cakes, unicorns, and the minotaurs that slaughter the unicorns just for stuffs and giggles. This particular night, the woman had accidentally left her front door unlocked. A short, stocky man in a black trenchcoat then used his x-ray vision to see that the door was unlocked, and took the opportunity to slip inside the dark house.
He crept up the creaky wooden stairs to the woman's room, where he silently slipped into the queen-sized bed with the woman. She woke up and started to scream, but couldn't finish because the man finished all over her back and stabbed her in the back of the head immediately after.
He climbed out the window and jumped. The foot cancer rate in that small town tripled. The local sporting goods store had a sale on gym shorts the next day."
