The following was sent to my friends. Nicolina is my GF. We are both fifteen.
Oh crap.
This is an amazingly insane story, so hold on to your seats, gentlemen/women.
Basically, for the past couple days my parents have been acting really weird. They wouldn't let me be alone for more than a couple minutes. It was bizarre. My sister's friends from London are in the states at a house in sonoma. Because of some hidden reason, my parents refused to let me stay home and I had to go with them up to this dinner at the friend's house. I was getting really suspicious. Over dinner, I overheard my parents quietly mention Nicolina. I started to think that maybe that was the root of their worries. On the way home, I told them that I knew what was going on, and that they didn't have to worry that I would like, invite her over or something, because she was camping (is true). Anyways, I thought they would stop being weird. But they didn't. I asked them sincerely if they believed me that she was out of town. They said they did. I was uber-confused, and more than a little worried. All this evening, my dad was pining away for me to go to the bank and walgreens with him. Finally, he swayed me (who can resist the temptation of a delicious banana-nutella genki crepe?) and off we went. As we were walking to crepes, he started asking me about Nicolina, who will now be N because my wrists feel like they are getting carpal tunnel (how am I going to survive Western Civ essays?). Anyways, he was asking questions like "Have you to talked to each other or anything lately?", all very casual. Suddenly, he pulls out my mom's blackberry and hands it to me. "Look at this text.". Oh stuff. Oh, loving, stuff. Mother loving stuff. Mother of a loving oyster stuff. Holy stuffting bastard crap, son of a bitch's mother forgeter. There was a text from N which can be summed up as follows: "lolol hi sterlinn startin 2 think that us kiss and makengg luv ment nuting to yu :c :c :c lol im stupid betch so i sent dis to your mom". Minus the last line. As I was saying, oh stuff. Oh, loving, stuff. Mother loving stuff. Mother of a loving oyster stuff. Holy stuffting bastard crap, son of a bitch's mother forgeter. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to convince my dad that "makengg luv" did not mean having intercourse. Dear god, of all awkward conversations, this one takes the prize. I must take a minute here to remind you that I DID NOT, I repeat, DID NOT in fact engage in anything loveual (making out = loveual? eh, wahtever) with N. So right now I'm pretty worried because not only does N seem somewhat angry, but my parents must be going apestuff. So yeah.
Oh by the way, to top it off, when we went to walgreens, we walked past the ice cream, and I was all like, "OH YEAH! SWEEEEEET! BEN AND JERRYS!". My dad walked past the ice cream and bought a box of condoms. For me.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
So yeah. Requesting backup immediately!
