Author Topic: Blood Lust (Chapter 4)  (Read 5000 times)

I will be writing stuff here I guess.


I recommend listening to this while reading: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5MAg_yWsq8&ob=av3n

My current story is about vampires and stuff.

Also if you're one of the people who go HURRDURR VAMPIRES OVERDONE GAY BULLstuff, don't bother reading this.

I want to clarify again, this will be nothing like Twilight. If you come in here bashing without actually reading the story I will snap your neck.

Edwin Banks is a young vampire living in the New York area, trying to get used to being undead. He tries to make himself feel better about taking human life by killing only murderers. However, the life of a vampire is more complicated then drinking blood and he is drawn into a conflict that will make him choose between his new life and his old.

Chapter 1

I awoke to darkness. Well not quite darkness. I could feel things moving, all around me, into me, out of me. When I tried to move I found I could not, the darkness was grainy and hard, and pressed down on me from above. I realized at once what had happened. I was buried alive. Why was I buried alive? I had been buried without a casket as well, simply tossed into a shallow grave. In my previous life, I might have been afraid for myself. How would I ever shrug off the layers of earth constricting me as a mere human? I felt my blood heating up, my temperature rising. With a shout, I stood up. The earth ruptured around me, fertile soil thick with worms and human decay was unearthed at once. I still couldn’t see. My eyes were thick with dirt. Disgustedly I began rubbing them vigorously. Eventually my eyes were clear enough to see once again. Yet somehow my vision had changed. I could saw objects more sharply than I ever had before. Some things had faint auras around them, different colors, barely visible. I was so confused. Was I drugged by somebody? I looked down at myself. I was wearing what might have been a good suit before it was bitten to shreds by the inhabitants of the dirt. At last I noticed my surroundings. It appeared I was in a cellar that was dark as the dirt I had woken in. The world still spun in my eyes, but I had to get out of here before whoever left me here came back. However there was more than just fear driving me. A kind of thirst, unlike anything I had felt before was rising in my chest. It was like I was hungry and thirsty, but neither and yet both. Perhaps it was some worm disease. I took a tentative step, and immediately a spasm of pain gripped me. It seemed to come from my stomach, then my head, then my heart. When it was over my throat was sore, and I had rubbed off the back of my suit rolling in agony. Even worse, the hunger had intensified. I was dying to get out of the cellar, but I would not until I could remember what had happened to me. My name is Edwin Banks. I had a menial office job and a small apartment. I am twenty four. My sister attended an Ivy league college and has a paycheck at least ten times the size of mine. I love her, but I am envious of her. My parents are both retired. What else, what else? I led a boring existence. Just then, the cellar door opened. A man, fat and sweaty, had entered the dark room. It was a large cellar and I was some distance away from him. Was he the one who buried me? Suddenly I got a whiff of him. The sweet stink of his sweat nauseated me, and his breath reeked with whiskey. Yet, he smelled delicious. For the first time I took notice of a funny feeling in my mouth. It was almost felt like my braces had, only not nearly as bad. I became aware of a new mechanic in my mouth. If you do not understand this, let me explain. A human is aware of his jaw mechanic, of opening and closing his mouth. It was exactly like that. I triggered this foreign thing in my mouth, and there was at once a sharp pain, but it lasted for only a second. It had made a noise as well, like the scratching of a chalk board. I felt in my mouth for something that might have changed, and felt at once, fangs. My two canine teeth had grown long and pointy, and the others had all gotten quite pointy as well. I yelped in surprise. I felt tears come to my eyes. What the hell had happened to me? The fat man noticed me then.

“Hey! Who are you?” he shouted. The sound was amplified a hundred times in my ears, and I covered them instinctively. He stood over me and began to speak, in a much softer voice. I wasn’t listening then, for I had become aware of hundreds of sounds. Worms writhing, cars skidding, leather creaking, and above all a voice. It sounded like someone was just speaking normally, and judging from the words the voice spoke it must have been talking to me.

“You, hunger, yes? Take this man. Drink him.”
It was the voice of a young girl, and she had a faint accent I could not place. European.
Somehow the words chained themselves to me. Drink him. I could not disobey this person, whoever she was. She terrified me, but comforted me at the same time. Like a guardian devil.

I was still hunched over on the ground. “Hey! Are you alright? Can you hear me?”
The fat mans voice had gotten louder again. I stood up and turned to him.

“I am now.” I grabbed him by the head, by the shoulder, and pulled. He screamed in pain as I stretched his neck out. It seemed so taut that a speck of dust would burst it like a balloon, and his glorious blood would pour out. Before I had a chance to think of what I was doing all my pointy teeth were in his neck and blood was spurting into my mouth like a fire hose. Blood tasted horrible to me before, but now it had changed. It was somewhere between thin and thick, and it tasted like life itself. I could see bits of his life through his blood as well. Snatches of random memories came to my minds eye, his first kiss, his honeymoon, showing his son how to ride a bike. It occurred to me that I could learn anything I wanted too with this power. Suddenly I realized that I was killing the man. I could feel the pumping of his blood slow. No longer hungry, I withdrew my fangs and dropped the man. Blood was dripping down my front; I was apparently a sloppy eater. Suddenly the horror of what I had done struck me. I knelt next to him, trying to wake him up. He was still breathing, but weakly, and his skin was a touch paler than it had been before.

Above the sounds of the city that filled my ears, I heard that voice once again.
“Lick the bite-marks and leave him there. He will live. Come outside, Edwin.”
Again the words hit me like a subway train. Without thinking about I licked the man’s wounds. The bite holes bubbled shut in a fascinating and grotesque moment. I stood up and leaned against the wall for a spell. My mind was racing.

Iamavampireiamavampireiamavam pireiamavampirewhywhohowthisf eelsgood…

Who had made me? Why? Should I feel excited or suicidal? Before I could think more, the voice came to me again, this time with more urgency.

“Leave the cellar now!”

I had angered the voice. I simultaneously felt ashamed and terrified, and I left without another thought, dripping blood behind me.


Chapter 2

As I stepped out of the cellar I found myself in yet another dark room. Slits of light shone in through cracks in the walls. Judging from this I guessed I was in a shack, likely in the yard of a larger main house. I had no recollection of ever coming to this house, so my maker must have brought me here. I felt around in the darkness until I found a door. It was not so much a door as it was a swinging wall.
I pushed it forward with the amount of strength that would normally cause it to swing open and bounce closed.
Instead the hinges snapped off the rotted wood and the door spun a few feet before bouncing to a stop in the tall grass. I looked around myself, and yes, not too far away was a large house, with brightly lit windows.
From the shed I could easily make out its features, something I would have found impossible as a human. It was two floored and bleached white, with balconies and Romanesque columns. There was a picket fence surrounding the whole square of land, with my shack being in one corner and the house in the one across from it.
Unlike the shack, the fence was in surprisingly good shape, it looked almost newly whitewashed. Judging from the cobalt color of the sky it was still early. A thick forest was right behind my little shack, and the house had a couple of trees around it as well. I could hear the sound of cars and tires in the distance, somewhere to my right.
A dirt road ran by the little plot of land, but it was lonely and small, likely an offshoot of the main street that I was hearing. With nothing else to do I headed towards the house. For a second I thought about bringing up the man from the basement.
I had drained him within an inch of his life so I couldn’t just leave him in a cellar, right? I had almost turned around when I completely changed my mind without meaning too. The voice had called me, answering it was my priority. All other things came second. Growing impatient with my slow pace I began to run.
Before I realized it I was in front of the house. Quickly I ground my heels into the earth.
My hot feet gouged a path of dirt, and the momentum did not stop until I collided heavily with one of the houses columns. It was not painful, but merely annoying. I had the impression that if I had suffered that kind of collision before tonight, I would have been brained.
 Up close the house was just as it appeared to me from afar. My new vision was truly amazing. I walked up the steps to the front door, my bare feet smacking the wood heavily. The house had double doors, and as I reached for the right ones silver doorknob, the left one was opened. A round man in a white suit was smiling widely at me. He stood with one gloved hand holding the door open and one behind his back. It all seemed pretty lame to me.

“Uh, thanks.” The fatty gave me an overly gracious bow, but when he looked up I saw a certain hunger in his eyes. “Not at all.”
I decided that I didn’t like him. As I stepped through the doorway, he spoke again.

“Her mistress is waiting for you in her chambers. Please go up the stairs, to the left and down the hall. It’s the last door on your right.”

I felt terrible about getting all the dirt of the cellar on the squeaky clean marble floors. I cast an apologetic glance at the fat man, but he merely continued smiling. Without hesitating again, I trudged up the stairs and followed his instructions. The halls were empty and my footsteps echoed loudly. The walls were white with a swirling gray design printed upon them. Every few meters was a door accompanied on both sides by square columns that stretched to the top of the hallway.
Eventually I came to the end of the hall. This door seemed no different from the others. I opened the door tentatively, not knowing what to expect.
First I shall describe the room itself. The floor had a thick red carpet; one could sink into it as if it were quicksand if they stood still too long. The walls were white, with the same gray design on them, intricate swirls repeating themselves over and over. There was a four poster bed, also white, with its veils pulled back. There was a very large flat-television as well; I would come to love the channels it had to offer me. There was a modern looking sofa in front of it, white with metal supports, and it stood out from its very old fashioned surroundings. It was shaped like an L so people sitting together could talk without awkwardly turning towards each other. A small desk with a high power computer occupied the corner with the window. I wouldn’t visit the adjoining bathroom until later, but it had smooth marble floors and baths that were built into the floor, so one wouldn’t have to step over a porcelain wall to get in. Basically this was the kind of home I had always wanted to have, except I wouldn’t have gone so overboard with the white. I had grown up in a suburban neighborhood as a member of an upper middle class family. I had been to some fancy houses before, often just to see what rich people lived like, but this house was a whole new level for me.
Sitting on the couch was a girl who looked to be around twenty. She had long brown hair and was wearing a simple white dress. Her nose was elegant and smooth, and her lips small and red. She was pale skinned, but not white like one might think a vampire to be. I found her quite beautiful. As I looked at her I knew at once she was the one who had made me. She smiled cheerfully from her couch and waved. Slowly I made my way to the couch and sat down across from her, wary.

“Hello Edwin.” She had an ordinary voice, just like any human chick. I couldn’t stop thinking about Twilight for some reason. I hoped this was nothing like Twilight.

I realized she was waiting for me to answer her. When I tried to speak my voice cracked, so I cleared my throat and started again.

“Why-“I began but she interrupted me. “I said hello. I did not give you permission to ask me a question.” It irritated me when people interrupted me, and hearing a girl who looked younger than I speak to me that way annoyed me even more.

She gave me a smile then, and somehow this calmed me a little.

“I’ll explain everything you need to know.”
_____________________________ _____________

Herpus Derpus chapter two ends.

« Last Edit: October 01, 2010, 12:47:50 PM by Dippindots »

>Jock, smart.

Pffft hahahaha.

Otherwise it was pretty nice.
« Last Edit: September 11, 2010, 01:43:08 AM by Dusty12 »

Edit? :o

Anyways there are smart jocks at my school. They aren't as smart as I am though ;)

Chapter 3

My master and I hunted in the cities near her elegant home. They are full of people from all walks of life, and they all taste delicious. Rich, snobbish people have a taste no different from that of a homeless man. The human part of me wondered at what I was doing to these people I fed on. I saw their lives through their bloods eye, and I spared them accordingly. Sometimes, when I fed on a murderer, instead of retracting my fangs when I was full, I would pull them out viciously, along with the majority of their throat. If I fed on a man with a good job, a family, a love, I retracted my fangs gently. I then bit the tip of my tongue and licked over the bite marks so that my healing blood would cover any trace of them having ever been victim to me. My master, Monica, found this quite amusing, as she feeds and kills indiscriminately.

“Your conscious will fade eventually. After centuries of killing I don’t even think about it anymore.”

For some reason, the thought of not caring terrified me, even more than the thought of what will happen when I die. Will my human soul be cleared of all sin, on account of what had been done to me? Will I be judged for every murderer I killed and sent to hell? Or will there be nothing waiting for me at all? My solution to this fear of divine judgment is simple; to not die. I have made careful note of my weaknesses, this way I will not get myself killed through some foolishness. I questioned Monica about it, and she told me, that my greatest fear should be the sun. After many centuries have passed I will be able to walk in the sun safely, but that will not be for a very long time. Even Monica, who has admitted to being almost six hundred, burns quickly in the terrible day. Fire is also a danger to us, but this too will fade with age. A stake to the heart will not kill me, but if someone were to remove my head or slice my body in half I would die in an instant. Holy relics have no power over me and neither does the garlic.

I remember one night I hunted alone; I was being tested. My mental capabilities were on trial here. Vampires may dapple in the minds of humans and even some immortals. Monica tells me there are even greater abilities than those of the mind, but I will not reach that level of power for some time. I walked through the streets of my hunting ground, against the flow of people. Some brushed aside me, others angrily shoved. I was not paying attention to where I was going; I only listened for the spark of their thoughts. From their minds I would divulge whether or not I should feed on them, I decided if they deserved death. I had found that I enjoyed feeling their death ripple through them as I drained them; it was an incredibly powerful sensation, and still is. My mind emptied of all thought and I waited for a sinner to come my way.

Ah! I had found one almost at once. I saw through his eyes, as mine were closed. He walked past me, he scorned me. I was standing still in the middle of a busy sidewalk, my eyes closed. I pored through his mind, searching evidence that he was deserving of my justice. Here, an image of a knife in his hand, a pretty naked woman scrambling under bed sheets to get away. Her face is full of terror, her mouth open, her eyes red. A prostitute? A lover? It doesn’t matter. He was the one I’d been searching for. This intrusion upon his innermost chambers had taken place in an instant, and now I turned around and followed him. The streets were crowded, but I had established a mental connection and I could see him through the throngs of people.

Perhaps you would like me to explain what it is like to search through a persons mind. It is like submerging your head underwater. In my minds eye I saw flashes of images, all jumping out of his memory, his thoughts; fast like a machine gun. He had looked back to see if I was still standing still, and he saw me, staring into his soul, following him through the crowd. He must have sensed something about me, perhaps he had felt me rummaging through his thoughts, for fear was in his face. Now he broke into a run, turned a corner down a back alley. The game had begun. I put some pep into my step and in an instant I was staring down the back alley. The man turned around as he rounded the corner and saw me again. I reached again for his mind, and in an instant I was inside him again, it was easier now since I had already established a connection to him.

These are the last minutes of your life. He said this to the naked woman in the bed, as he advanced upon her. His knife flashed brightly, and it did not lose any of its shine, even when it was slick with her blood. He ran into his apartment, locked the doors, the windows. It was small and shabby. I had mastered my vampire speed, and it took me only a minute to zoom through the apartment’s floors, through the halls, and stop in front of his door. He was lying with his back against the door, panting. I knocked.

His heart skipped a beat, but he did not move. I had decided not leave until he is dead, but I didn’t want to attract any unwanted attention. I stuck my finger into the key hole, and it broke at once. A marvelous trick; it still comes in handy. I opened the door slowly, and I was stopped again by a chain connecting the door to the wall to stop people from forcing their ways in. I reached in and tore the chain off of the wall. I stepped in and closed the door. The man had fled from his spot by the entrance, but I sensed him in the apartment. It was like the air was charged with his emotions, mainly fear at that point. He must have thought me a demon, come to collect his soul. That was not far off. I stepped into his homes living room.

He dashed at me with a kitchen knife, his eyes wild and his fingers white from clenching! I let the knife sink into my chest, let him think he had won. For a second he felt victorious, but then he noticed that I had not toppled. I grabbed his fingers, still holding the knife, and broke them all at once. He screamed in agony, and dropped to the floor. I gave him my best smile, making sure to show my canines, which are quite large. He was sobbing, clutching his ruined hand in pain. A perfect thing to say came to my mind.

“These are the last minutes of your life.” He looked up into my face, his eyes wet with tears, his cheeks salty. He was quite beautiful, with swept black hair and hazel brown eyes. His skin was olive. Suddenly he reached into my chest and pulled out the knife so quickly that I was almost pulled forward before I caught myself. He swiped with his left hand, wildly, making gashes across my clothes and body. My wounds healed immediately, but my clothes were ruined. I had been wearing a nice dress jacket and pants, with a black silky shirt underneath. With my tousled auburn hair and brown eyes I thought I looked rather dashing. He was still slashing at me, but it had ceased to be amusing. I decided it was time I finished him.

I caught his blade and crushed it. It bent and shattered in my hand. Without further delay I pulled him into my arms, hugged him tightly. He was surprised, unsure of what to do. Then I pushed back his head and my fangs popped out. He heard the sound; unsure of what caused it but aware of what it meant. Any second now he knew he would feel something sharp, but what? Something would penetrate his soft, frail, body end his life, but when? As I have described before, when I feed all of my teeth are fangs. If I tried to close my mouth with them all out I could not. I sunk every one into his neck and he howled. I saw his life pass before my eyes, and when he died I sighed in ecstasy. It had been a month since my death, and I was able to drink without spilling a drop. I dropped his shriveled body and went to his bedroom. He had some high quality clothing, so I took them and changed out of my ruined outfit. He had rather good taste, almost as good as the one I had been developing over the past month; my first month of un-life.

As for how I felt about killing him, and others. I felt nothing. The only ones I killed were killers themselves, so what should I be depressed about? I was doing the world a favor; or so I believed at the time. Past deeds catch up to everyone, even vampires. But back then I was reveling in my new self. I still had constant contact with my family and sister who believed that I was alive and well. Life was worth living again.

I believe I have passed my masters test.

____________

chapter 3 end
« Last Edit: September 18, 2010, 01:25:52 PM by Dippindots »

Could someone tell me their thoughts on this?

Chapter 4


A vampire makes fledglings to deal with their loneliness. A forever alone would be a terrible one, would it not? However my master claims to not feel lonesome at all; apparently her manservant is enough company for her. I don’t believe it for a second. In her words, she needs a fledgling to expand her power in the vampire hierarchy. She says this, but I can tell she is lonely. Her eyes are empty and she only shows pleasure when she feeds. She goes for happy people, the happiest she can find, and she always kills after she is done drinking. Once I tried to stop her from killing the man she had fed from. I had placed my hand on her shoulder, trying to gently nudge her away, when she smacked me across the face. My neck broke at once, and I was thrown into the wall of the man’s luxurious apartment. It took an hour for my bones to mend themselves, and she was almost crying over me as she apologized. It is my theory that she cannot control herself when she feeds. It is marvelous to watch her though; she is a goddess. I reckon any man taken by her would die happy. I have a feeling I did.

During the day I sleep in my own bedroom at her spacious house. When day comes my four poster bed seals itself, blocking all sunlight. It’s probably a bad idea to build a house with floor to ceiling windows in almost every room when you’re a vampire. But every room is equipped with thick velvety curtains that absorb sunlight very well. Sometimes I walk about the house during the day. I speak to Marcus frequently, he is a good man. I feel quite sorry about my original dislike of him, and I have not told him. Monica seems to be like a daughter to Marcus, he dotes on her like she was a child. It is really rather cute.

About Monica’s attitude towards me; it is a strange one. She is very kind to me of course, in a sisterly way. It reminds me quite a bit of my dear sister; the one who makes lots of cash. However sometimes she gets quite intimate. For example, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the day and she has climbed into my bed and is asleep besides me. When she sleeps she wears a large t-shirt and underwear only. When night falls she doesn’t act as if anything strange has happened. Perhaps she has gone a bit insane. Ah, but that cannot be; I have always seen her cold calculating mind behind her eyes. Every other night she feeds me her century old blood. Sometimes I take it directly from her neck. A few times she sliced open her tongue with her teeth and kissed me passionately, letting the blood flow in. Her blood is five centuries old. Perfectly aged, you could say. She has told me that drinking the blood of older vampires can speed along a young vampire’s development. I do not feel any different, but perhaps that is just as well. If I wasn’t in check of my strength I could easily kill any mortal; I could smash them like they were sand castles.

Despite my constant blood drinking ways I was still rather innocent. I had been made very young, and I was still naïve in my views of the world. I was still that invincible youngster, breezing through life, drinking, gaming, loving, and living. I had no idea of the depravity the human mind could sink too. I was searching for a victim in the swarms of people from the rooftop of a club. Other people wandered nearby me, drinks in hand, but I ignored them. Monica had stayed home that night as well, so I was alone again. I could read a humans mind from a considerable distance by this point; it had been about a year after I had been born to darkness. It was that night a peculiar new scent came to my nose. It smelled heavily of blood, not faintly as many humans do. The smell was thick and intoxicating, it forced its way into my nostrils and I began to follow it at once. There were many things the smell could have been, a blood bank, a fresh murder, a slaughter house.

Instead the smell led me to a man. He was sitting in front of a café with an untouched coffee cooling in front of him. Ah, yes, on the subject of foods. I can still eat it, and it is still good. But often eating more than a tidbit will sicken me. I once had a seven course feast with Marcus and Monica; we spent that night stuffting out or throwing up chunks of food. I really couldn’t tell you if it was worth it. Anyways, back to the story. The man looked to be around my age, but there was something off about him. I could hear the beat of his heart, so he wasn’t a vampire. But he was not a human either, he smelled like one of us. The man regarded me coolly, revealing nothing. I decided to pass it off and simply walk by him. As I passed though, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly. He looked up at me and smiled, sadly.

“Please, sit.” I shook my hand free of his and sat across from him. He seemed to be appraising me. What did this thing want?

“What do you want?”

He passed me a small card, made of thick cream paper. “Only a moment of your time, please, be a little patient. It’s not like you’re getting older.” He smiled at his joke.

I glanced at the card. In plain Times New Roman it said “Order of the Sun”. In very small text in the corner it read; Vampire Hunter Organization of America.
stuff. This was bad.

“Not very articulate are you?” I said casually, trying to pass off the panic rising inside of my chest.

“Ah, well, I like to think we are straightforward. Let’s just get to the point here.” He leaned forward.
“We do not attack unless vampires kill innocents. It’s a rule for us. If we tried to kill every vampire we found we’d be long dead. I just wanted to tell you that we’re watching you. If you mess up we will come down upon you. You won’t have a hope of winning, Edwin.”

He stressed my name like it pained him to say it.

“I haven’t done anything.” The words sounded pathetic, pleading.

“I know, I know. This is just a warning. We don’t give second chances.”

His ego was annoying me. “You realize that I could break you in a second right? I’m a vampire, a child of darkness, tenfold stronger than any body builder.”

A smirk crossed his face. “You wouldn’t be the first to think that. Don’t forget what I’ve said here today.”

He walked away from me.

 That day I woke up with Monica snuggling against me again. She smelled so wonderful I could hardly restrain my hunger. I wanted to drain every drop in her right then and there. She was so beautiful, her copper hair splayed across the bed, her soft skin tingling mine. My arousal grew the more I looked at her. I sighed and stared around the room. Thin beams of light filtered in between the curtains. I could hear the sounds of television coming from somewhere in the house; Marcus watching comedy central. Then I recalled what the hunter had said to me. Monica was never careful about who she fed upon.

“Monica. Wake up.” I nudged her gently with my elbow. I could tell she was awake, a half smile was on her face. Suddenly she was curling against me, around me, tighter and tighter. I could only see the top of her head and her perfect nose, but it was wrinkled with a grin. She tore open my shirt with her fangs, and began to drink from my chest.

Oh well. I would have to tell her another time. Without asking permission I sunk my fangs her breast. Her sweet blood mixed with mine in our mouths. She moaned in pleasure. Could Marcus hear us, lovers in bed? Probably, he was a ghoul. I didn’t care. I was in ecstasy.

For a while, my worries were gone.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2010, 12:47:15 PM by Dippindots »

I think when someone calls somebody a 'jock', it tends to make people think they have given intelligence for athletic ability.

I think when someone calls somebody a 'jock', it tends to make people think they have given intelligence for athletic ability.

^This made no sense.

How's my writing? I'd just like someone else to give me their opinion.

Nice, reminds me of how my mum started smoking lol, waiting for next story :D.

New story

Also I will probably change the cliche name.

Nice, reminds me of how my mum started smoking lol, waiting for next story :D.
She... Killed a man and drank his blood?

it was tl;dr, so can you explain why the perspective is switching between he and I?

Okay wow typos, basically I started writing it from third person and changed to first. Also ARC, he was talking about my old story which was about a kid who started smoking to fit in. I am going to go in and fix the typos now. Also the guy didn't die.

EDIT: Fixed... Oro it only switched once.