Author Topic: The Plan. (Script-Story)  (Read 2253 times)

CHAPTER 1:

In a small cafe in the middle of Ho Ming, Jonathan and Patrick converse on they're latest plan...

Jonathan: Patrick, what have you gathered.

Patrick: Honestly, not much, although I have found out where they keep the riches.

Jonathan: *Sigh* Well where are they?

Patrick: The abandoned lab on the far end of the town...

Jonathan: ...*Voice stuttering because of sudden flashback* Y-Y-You mean where we lost our...our...teammate?

Patrick: *Casually* Pretty much, yes, and I've heard they have a better security system, so if we're going to get in, we'll need to be sneaky.

Jonathan: *Still unrecovered from the flashback* I can't go.

Patrick: Well why not?

Jonathan: It was my fault that Anna (The other teammate) was killed.

Patrick: No it wasn't.

Jonathan: Yes it was, if I wouldn't have been so stupid as to not have checked the air tanks before we went on our underwater quest, she wouldn't have died.

Patrick: Don't get yourself so down.

Jonathan: Why shouldn't I? I can never forget her tear stained face as she slowly drifted into the heavens. *Wipes a tear from his eye and stands up* I'll be right back. (Sprints toward the restroom)

Worker at cafe: *Scratchy voice* Hey, hey you! In the tweed suit! Stop that running this instant!

Jonathan: *Ignores and pushes open the door*

Patrick: *Eats lunch completely unaware of what was happening in the room beyond him*

Anonymous: *Puts a gun to Jonathan's head* Follow me or you'll be sorry.

Jonathan: *Gets out of his train of fire and kicks him in the chest*

Jonathan: *Running out of restroom* PATRICK!

Patrick: *In an irritated voice* WHAT.

Jonathan: WE NEED TO LEAVE!

Worker at the cafe: *Whispers* Sure do.

Jonathan shot a deadly look at the worker and grabbed Patrick's arm, just as the anonymous person opened the restroom door and ran after them.

Anonymous: YOU'LL PAY!
_____________________

How was it? I'll make more of them, most likely in about an hour or 2.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2010, 02:50:09 PM by Evan5626 »

CHAPTER 2:

Running

Patrick: JONATHAN, STOP!

Jonathan: NO!

Patrick: *Wriggles his arm free from Jonathan's grip* What was that all about?!

Jonathan: There was a man.....in a black cloak.

Patrick: ...Jonathan

Jonathan: What? *Sees man a few blocks away*

Patrick: That's our new team mate.

Jonathan: *Shocked* Then why did he put a gun to my head!

Patrick: It was a drill.

*Anonymous person catches up*

Anonymous: *Clutching chest* Well that wasn't how it was supposed to go, didn't you read the .HMATF file I sent you? By the way, I'm George.

Jonathan: I apologize, ah, here is the file.

Civilian: 移動它!(Move it!)

Patrick: *Takes out a Chinese dictionary* Um....對不起,你好嗎?(Sorry, how are you?)

Civilian: 任何 (Whatever)

Patrick: Good day to you too...

Jonathan: What was that?

Patrick: Oh, it was an unkind civilian-

Jonathan: No, what is THAT?

Patrick and George: *Hears the sound*

Jonathan: Get in the car.

Looks more like a steam chat to me  :cookieMonster:



they're lattest plan

bahahaha

It plays out nice and all, but why don't you use the traditional way of making a story using paragraphs?

It plays out nice and all, but why don't you use the traditional way of making a story using paragraphs?

It's because my first one was already like a script, but it's most likely the next chapter will be in paragraphs.

And Captain, was that necessary? Did you even read it?

Well in any case, I give an 8 because I found it interesting.


Quote

Jonathan: Get in the car.

IT'S A LION!

I spelled latest wrong...

Anyway, Tingalz, Captain, any other feedback?


Kind of hammy, IMO.

Hammy=Mediocre
Hammy=Cheesy
Hammy=Overdone/Boring
?