I have benevolently written these lectures with the intent to “enlighten” you. No, enlightenment is not a mental climax you experience during an epiphany, but most often an extremely excruciating experience brown townogous to self-flagellation.
“If it’s so painful, why would I want to be enlightened?” The answer simple: Once you comprehend the futility of existence, your inhibitions will dissolve and you will transcend the society in which you exist. Such people are often referred to as “starfishs”. Be warned, not every starfish is enlightened. In fact, most are just arrogant douche bags under the false impression of superiority. The difference between starfishs and enlightened starfishs it that ordinary starfishs are generally more athletic, more attractive, and wealthier.
Not just anyone can become enlightened; it takes certain “stuff” to be enlightened. Not the stuff that dreams are made of, it’s more along the lines of the stuff that politicians are full of. stuff. It’s called stuff. It takes a lot of stuff to make one realize that life is a bitch and that you will never be truly happy. Once you’ve come to this realization, you are ready to begin the learning process.
To understand the world, you must thoroughly understand yourself. Your perception of the world is specific to you as an individual. It defines you as an individual and influences every aspect of your being. Begin by accumulating all of the information that you can about yourself. As with most information, the best way to extract it is by interrogation. Begin by asking yourself “Why am I depressed? (If you have actually read this to this point and taken this lecture to heart, you are most likely depressed.) Why do I continue to wallow in agony when death is so much simpler?”
The answer to the second question is most likely related to religion (I loving hate religion…). According to most Christian doctrine, those who commit Self Delete shall suffer eternal punishment in Hell. That’s not very appealing, so whether you believe it or not, your natural response is to continue existing in your own personal hell on Earth, telling yourself that tomorrow will be better. Even if tomorrow is better (which is unlikely), ultimately you are destined to die, and you and all that you have done will ultimately be forgotten.
There is no heaven, nor a hell; everything ends in oblivion. Religion is a tool, to deceive the masses into believing that their existence is not futile. If everybody believed that life was futile, there would be mass orgies, theft, murder, and innumerable other wonderful things occurring on a regular basis. John Lennon wrote that it’s easy to imagine a world without religion if you try. Well, sure it is, but if everybody is living for today, there is no reason to refrain from “sin” (a concept that wouldn’t exist without religion). So, let’s take his advice and envision that wonderful world of perpetual sin. Spectacular isn’t it? I bet that if you had the opportunity, you would beat the first human to propose the concept of sin to death after making sweet love to his wife, drinking his wine, and murdering his children. Sure, without a concept of eternal damnation, you would be more inclined sin and more susceptible to the sins of other, i.e. murder, but you would have come to terms with the inevitability of death so you probably wouldn’t mind. If I can tolerate one religion, it would be Judaism. In Judaism, everybody gets to go to heaven. Unfortunately, this caused many to believe that Jews lack moral ethics and they became excellent political and economic scapegoats.
Another Self Delete inhibitor may be the fine given to those caught failing to commit Self Delete. Who the hell fails to commit Self Delete?! If you can’t commit Self Delete properly, you should just go kill yourself. Oh wait, you can’t! Allow me to assist you. Step one: die. Step 2: Bury the body. What the hell do you mean by “Step 2 is impossible!”? Fine just ignore step 2, you can leave it to somebody else. What do you care? You’re dead!
Tune in next time for a lecture on love.
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