Given the opportunity, a horse will try to rape you.
We owned a stud named Toby (I say "stud" meaning a male horse meant for breeding - I'm not professing a repressed attraction to him or anything). Toby was a lonely horse; we had to keep him separate from the rest of the animals because he was always trying to have steamy horse love with them. One afternoon, I wound up inside of Toby's pen, probably doing some bullstuff chore for my parents like sweeping up sticks or sawing something in half. I'll admit I was a bit careless when stepping into the pen, because I failed to notice Toby had a raging boner and was staring right at me. If you've never seen a horse snake, it's an awesome thing. Awesome in the "big bang exploding outward in universally cosmic proportions" way, not awesome in the "forget yeah scented candles are awesome" kind of way. It's literally longer than your arm - between 2 and 3 feet. You could seriously forget stuff up with this thing - If I had a snake like that I'd use it to play badminton or maybe hang wind chimes from it. Anyway, I was in Toby's pen and we were making eye contact. I'll never forget the look in his eyes: completely vacant of compassion or romance. Toby didn't want to get to know me and discover all my hopes and dreams. He didn't want to grow old with me. Looking into those big brown eyes that day, I saw a pure, unfiltered desire to get his rape on.
So Toby charged. Now, as I mentioned earlier these horse pens were thick with feces, so it was difficult to run. Luckily I was in the part of the pen where the mud wasn't deep, so I could at least manage a fumbling jog. By the time I reached the fence Toby was nearly on me. I tried to climb through but in my panic I touched one of the tension coils on the fence that kept the wire taught along the property line. Furthermore, I also touched the ground underneath the tension coil. This fence was electric and set at a voltage that could knock down an elephant, so when I grounded myself I got blasted with a shock that rendered me temporarily stunned. Fortunately I was jolted forward into the electric fence rather than backwards into the horse boner that was surging forward at 100 miles per hour. After a few more 20,000 volt shocks I managed to stumble into the opposing pen, half electrocuted but thankfully still a virgin to trans-species love.
As for Toby, he continued to stare at me from his side of the fence, his aircraft-carrier-sized boner twinkling in the morning sun. I could see an undercurrent of sadness in his eyes, trickling somewhere below that massive desire to do some raping.
