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Total Members Voted: 23

Author Topic: The Old Woman  (Read 2034 times)

So, I created a story on another thread.

Here it is:

The Old Woman

Once upon a time, there was a woman who lived in our house with us. The woman was 87 years old. We had good times with her. She wasn't really in good health, so she got sick alot. She used to not smoke, but now she does. Her back was hurting alot. So, one day, we found her in her bed at 2:00 PM still sleeping. We wondered why she hasn't woken up yet. So, when it was 5:00 PM, she was STILL in her bed, not awake. We tryed to wake her, but it didnt do good. We were really worried. So, we called help and the hospital came, like the people. They tryed to hear if she was breathing, but...............SHE WASNT! We were just, like "oh my god, is she dead?" So, the hospital people told us that she was flatlined (basically, dead. Or not breathing). We were extremely sad. So, they took her to the hospital. We didnt ride there with them, though. We were crying alot. When it was supper (dinner) time, we set the table with tables, forks, spoons, and knives. Once we were about to eat, we heard 4 foot steps. I sounded like it was near or in the kitchen with us. We wondered what it was. The people with us sweared they didnt step at that time. So, we began to eat. The food was delicious! When I took my fourth bite out of an apple, I heard a voice. It sounded really faint, but I could still hear it. I think it said "I love this..." I was kind of, like deciding it was the old woman. After dinner we watched television. We heard no signs of ghosts then. We went to bed after that. Atleast, when I fell asleep, I had a dream of that old woman, in spirit form. She was hanging out with me. When I woke up at 6:30 AM, we ate breakfast. I saw an invisible presence sit down on one of the chairs. I was freaked out. After breakfast, I called the person who was married to that old woman. I told him she was dead. He was crying. I could tell. So, I asked him about the house. He told about how the old woman liked the house alot. I was kind of interested. So, he told me that the old woman said to him that she would finish her goals before she would go to heaven. I was certain that it was the old woman. I said thanks. So, now that I knew that the ghost was that old woman, I wasnt as scared. Soon, I went into the living room and sat down. I felt like someone was watching me. I looked back. I saw the outline of her. I was excited. I carefully said, "Can you tell me your name?" She said, "Amanda" I responded, "Well, I thought so." Then she disappeared. I was excited. It was my first time talking to a ghost. I went to sleep. I felt like I was used to her soul visiting us then and there. I was proud. So, after a few weeks, I was completely used to her spirit. So, it was a happy ending. I felt like she was an actual person. I felt no worry at all. I was really happy.



                                             THE END

Please note that I dont think I copied this story from anywhere, and its not true. Please tell me if you like it!

i'm sorry but that was just horrendous

it was bland, had no spice to it, and it was just really boring

how do you pass your classes?


i'm sorry but that was just horrendous

it was bland, had no spice to it, and it was just really boring

how do you pass your classes?
Aww...

sorry to be mean but are you really 15?

sorry to be mean but are you really 15?
Sure I am. And I forgot to mention, I didnt really "try" to make this. I made it in like about 5-10 minutes. Really.

I don't understand the circumstance. Why is an old woman living with the narrator if she has a husband? What caused her to pick up smoking? When she wasn't up by 2 I would have instantly assumed death and began to worry, not wait for her to wake up. Why the over use of improper grammar? Like is to be used when describing something or as a simile not to say "she was, like, dead."

There was no need for this story to exist, it goes far beyond what Solid said, it wasn't bland, it was dumb and pointless on top of being bland.

I'm not trying to be so mean toward you, I'm just saying this isn't really a story and using the old "I didn't 'try' to make this ... took me only 5-10 minutes" line is no excuse.

To quote a great movie: "You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting.  ...  Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener! "

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Oh come on, its just a little quick story. I mean, if I actually tried, it would be better.

Then I say to you sir, actually try.

This was an awful story that was without anything that even remotely resembled a plot.

Also, it came from the Scary Stories topic. That wasn't even a good pointless ghost story. It wasn't scary. The only thing that made it a "ghost story" was that someone died and became one.

if you didn't try then why did you post it expecting positive results?

Never in a story say " The (insert something here ) people" Also you have stuff writing skills.

Long, boring wall of text with incorrect grammars and practically no sentence structure.


for the TL;DR: "Okay so there's this old woman and we lived with her and she died but now we ate and she is a ghost and I'm happy lol yay!"

Then I say to you sir, actually try.

This was an awful story that was without anything that even remotely resembled a plot.
Yeah, when I read it over again, I wasn't that impressed. Ok, I admit it, I didn't try. I'll start over.

Oh god please not the once upon a time