So the table I sat at used to consist only of me, and my friends Marc, Byron, Daniel, and Josh. But apparently we've made a bit of a name for ourselves: For the past few days our table has consisted of me, Marc, Byron, Daniel, Josh, Josh, Chris, Chris, Dante, and Bryian(don't ask about the spelling). As you can imagine, the original group of five people was enough. But the table has been so jam-packed recently that there's people sitting a foot away from the table because there are no available spots left.
So today one of our new squatters visitors, Josh, got a two-liter bottle of Sprite from his friend. He apparently found it in the bathroom. Josh opened the bottle and drained a good quarter of the liquid inside in one chug. With other unwelcome guests at the table cheering him on obnoxiously, he drained another quarter. When the bottle was about three-quarters of the way empty, Josh remarked that he tasted vodka in the Sprite. So now Josh, feeling excessively sick and bloated due to draining over a liter of Sprite, drained the rest of the bottle and after belching for a good seven consecutive seconds or so, got up to throw the bottle away (and not recycle it like a good person should have). He sat down and explained that he felt very drunk. The rest of the lunch period was like hell, with Josh and all the other guests being generally obnoxious and disgusting and drawing a vast amount of unwanted attention to our table. So on Monday we plan on not letting this group back to our table. For obvious reasons.
TL;DR: Bunch of sick bastards flooded our lunch table today and got drunk off a spiked bottle of Sprite.
EDIT: Josh apparently went home sick later that day, either from being very bloated or alcohol poisoning. But that's none of my business anyway.
EDIT PART DEUX: Topic title changed to quell the flow of period jokes.
