Poll

Do you like this so far?

Yes.
3 (17.6%)
Sure.
6 (35.3%)
okay...
2 (11.8%)
needs a little more work...
2 (11.8%)
Nah. try harder.
4 (23.5%)

Total Members Voted: 17

Author Topic: Mah new novel - Strata  (Read 2208 times)

Just read, and rate on the poll.



|Prologue|


Cory Leo

Strata was fighting for his life.  He was risking it all.  He was waiting for it all to end.  He felt a shocking feeling he had never felt before.  A sudden white spread across his vision.  I am dying, he thought.  He was lying behind a rock. He was surely going to be found soon, anyway. it wouldn’t matter. He had no choice. "All I say to you, my lord" Strata struggled, "is that you keep my family safe." Indeed, his family was in great danger. but none were harmed, so Strata quietly thanked the lord, then fell asleep. "Sir, Sir!" Strata heard a voice, "Sir Strata! are you alright?" I am alive, Thought Strata. I most definitely am alive.




CHAPTER 1 - The Freedom Fighters


The Kingdom Of Ginhau was at stake. War was trembling the citizens of The Kingdom. The King, Yomakah, Did not know what to do, much less how to do it. "All the knights, gather 'round." The king bellowed. "I am hoping any of you have suggestions for survival?" The knights thought and thought. "Well," One knight started, " Remember the legendary Trojan Horse Story? it is said that it is possible to send a gift to the Styrolites, with us in it? we should sneak out at night, and completely destroy their government. any supporters?" The king thought a moment, and said "Why not just make a peace offering? or maybe a compromise? our best soldiers could not defeat their Blueskins, we can either surrender, give them an offering, or just propose a truce." The knights pondered this. "Well, he's got a point. but surrendering is not an option. You are a king, not a quitter." One other knight added. the king then offered, "Why not use Strata? he is a superhuman, is he not?" A knight was about to add something else when a young girl came running to one of the knights. "S-sir Pompetty, s-sir," The girl cried, "Come help s-sir! my momma, she's bleeding and she's got an arrow in her knee!" Sir Pompetty went to the girl, and said, softly, "It's going to be alright, Sallah. i will help. where is she?" Sallah jerked her head to one side. "She's over t-there! Come Help!" Sir Pompetty followed Sallah to her mother. Her mother was moaning loudly. "We've got to get her to the infirmary!" Meanwhile, The other knights were discussing this issue properly, while the king slowly slided away. The king's daughter, Larae, was sitting on her stool by her bed, reading a book titled, "The Gods Will Come Some Day". One of the royal servants, Kanah, was dusting the Royal Dining Room Table and sometimes, since the king was not looking,  rubbed his hand on the table, and sighed. "Hello, Kanah." said Larae, as if he was nothing. "Hello, Larae. Why are you speaking to me? i'm not supposed to speak to heirs of the royal family unless it is very very urgent." The princess started to speak, but the king walked through the door. "Kanah, were you speaking to my daughter?" His daughter started, "Yes, and he was being very rude." The king looked very angry at this. "Guards! Take Kanah away! Put him in the dungeon!" The guards did as they were told. "i deserved it." said Kanah as he was thrown in by a very strong guard. "Now, my darling. what are you reading?" "A Religious praise said to be written by god himself." "what is it titled?" "'The Gods Will Come Some Day'" "put it away. we have important business to do." Both royal dictators walked down the great hall, to the Throne Room.


CHAPTER 2 - Strata's Story


Strata was once honored by many people in the world. Back when The Kingdom Of Ginhau didn't exist yet. It was said Supposedly that Strata had The power of The Gods. He was a very strong warrior indeed, but the Blueskins were too much for one soldier. While he was fighting, He collapsed from fighting without end. The Blueskins were too much. It was said that he died long ago, but some religious believers believe he is alive inside every one of us. They found his body, but did not bury it. They were hoping he would, some day, wake up and save the world from whatever they predicted was to happen. Indeed, they waited. They waited for thousands of years. Millions. Billions. and finally, he was forgotten. buried under what was modern life then. They didn't care. He wasn't needed, they thought. We have technology. Those times are over. But those times did come again. Strata was buried under the rubble that the inhabitants now called "Landfill". Billions of years later, he started to move under the ground, but then stopped again. occasionally he would start twitching, then would stop. This caused the earth to rumble. The people that inhabited the land then called these Earthquakes. Another billion years passed. He was finally woken. "Sir, Sir!" Strata heard a voice, "Sir Strata! are you alright?" He opened his eyes. “who are you, young man?” said strata, struggling. “Sir, I’m just a loyal servant to king Yomakah, but no need to speak now, you are in need of some rest before you get up and start doing activities. I will have king Yomakah come and speak to you.”

CHAPTER 3 - The Throne Room


Yomakah and Larae walked into the throne room. “Yomakah, father,” started Larae, “What or who is that supposed to be?” They were staring at a very large statue. “That, my daughter,” Yomakah started, “is a statue of Strata.” They marveled at its largeness for several minutes. “it is said,” Yomakah whispered, “That this particular statue is of life size…” His voice trailed off, “We are it its presence, my dear. Bow down to the almighty warrior of the gods…” And bow they did. They bowed ten times and looked at each other. Not a word was to be spoken while bowing down to Strata… The servant that was speaking to Strata came sprinting to the throne room. “King! King! Strata Has Awoken!” The king, caught off guard by the servant’s appearance, fell over while bowing a 34th time. “You know it is un- wait, did you say…?” “Yes, my king! Yes!” The king followed the servant down the great hall. No one spoke a word. When they got to the room where Strata had woken, he was lying on his bed. Just lying there. It looked like he was dead. “Sir Strata!” the king had shouted, “Servant, do not let anyone know of this. Sir Strata! We honor you and bow down. Sir! We are in great danger! You must help us!”


It's not finished yet. rate it for me.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2011, 10:15:52 PM by hodototman »

This goes in Creativity.
Anyways, I give it 7/10 for now. :)
« Last Edit: February 12, 2011, 07:57:57 PM by Ningyou »

there's a creativity section? oh, well okay then!

This goes in Creativity.

Anyways, it seems fine. I'll wait until you're done to rate it.

Anyways, it seems fine. I'll wait until you're done to rate it.


Just tell me how it is SO FAR. i would really apreciate it! there's gonna be... 10 chapters i think. it's a sorta short novel.

who voted, "Nah, try harder"?

I am also writing a book. c:

A+ for creativity. But on the practical side of things, I suggest you revise paragraphing and formatting. There are lots of grammar errors, and I mean lots, that should be addressed. Its better to edit it now then later. Even if you plan to get someone to edit it for you, there is a lot of messy text layout here that should be dealt with now. Keep at it.

EDIT: Whats with the Ya and Yes options in the poll lollolololol.

Learn how to make compound sentences and the. Come back to me...


Just tell me how it is SO FAR. i would really apreciate it! there's gonna be... 10 chapters i think. it's a sorta short novel.

Well, what I have to say is a lot like what Sheath has to say. Work on those key points.

It give a 6.8/10.

the only thing i'm working on now is the story, i will do the grammar and paragraph stuff later.

all i want to know is if you think it's creative.

Learn how to make compound sentences and the. Come back to me...

Remember, CREATIVITY is my goal here...

oh yeah... sorry about going crazy... i know i should fix those errors. i am just dumb. very.

Ignoring the quadruple post, it was creative.

the only thing i'm working on now is the story, i will do the grammar and paragraph stuff later.

Its on the verge of being unreadable in its current state. You won't regret it if you take our advice. :/