What I'm going for is the feel of the story is nice, but backstory and/or extremely small details that can attract people to a story or object in one are lacking or missing. I also think you're taking the narrative too quickly for the pace you want, and the chapters being as short as they are, you could put more time into each to make each more enjoyable.
I felt like the chapters were kind of longish compared to other stuff on Fanfiction.net. I can see where you're coming from, but I dunno. I realized after writing the second chapter that it was going to get boring fast if I was just detailing Tom's days of walking around and talking to people. For me, setting up action, leaving a cliffhanger, resolving the cliffhanger and then having a chapter of less action and then the next chapter starts the cycle over again is a lot more fun to write and I imagined a lot more fun to read, but I dunno. What would be a more ideal model for you?
Also, the next chapter is going to be a bit slow in coming. I'll probably write a stuffton tomorrow because I'll be thinking about how much I want to write all day and then come home and just flourish, but I've got homework and stuff to do tonight.
