A man walks into a bar, but the bartender refuses to sell him any drinks because he didn't pay his tab last time. So the man exits the bar and returns home to look for his wallet. After a few minutes of searching, he pushes through the door to his bedroom, and sees neinhaus apparently pleasuring himself to whatever is being shown on the screen in front of him. The man quickly reaches for the nearest available weapon, a lamp, he grabs it and brandishes it intently as neinhaus scrambles to pull his pants up and get out of the bed.
"Don't you dare loving move!" he commanded neinhaus, and made a slow, cautious walk towards the laptop.
"No!" neinhaus pleaded, "I'll turn myself in just don't-" He was silenced by a blow from the lamp
The man reached out and lifted the laptop screen with the tips of his fingers, and turned it to reveal what had ignited neinhaus' passion to such a degree that it drove him to not only break into someone's house, but compelled him to finish himself off with a stolen laptop in someone else's bed.
"Ponies..." The man said in disgust, "loveualized cartoon foals..."
Neinhaus lifted his hands to shield himself from the barrage of justice to come, "Please, please! You don't understand, i-it's a special interest! I can't help it!"
"Well, divine retribution is my special interest, and I'm about to unleash a whole lot of it on you."
With this, the man proceeded to mercilessly pummel neinhaus, and amidst the sound of splintering bone, spurty blood, and rended organs tossed aside, the police had obediently responded to the 911 call of a concerned neighbour and arrived in time to find neinhaus, just barely clinging onto life in his now grotesquely misshapen body.
"Put your loving hands in the air!" The officers commanded, raising their weapons at the man.
"You don't understand, he broke in here and when I found him, he was looking at ponies!"
"Ponies," the officer quipped, "what's wrong with ponies!"
The man had burst out into tears, with the confused officers training their weapons on him, he finally gushed the horrid truth. "Not just ponies, foals, and he was," He paused as he tried to prepare himself for what he was about to say next, as simply saying it incited terrible images in his mind that he would not be able to purge himself of. "masturbating to them!"
With this, the officers sheathed their firearms and brandished their nightsticks, and joined the man in serenading the entire apartment building with the beautiful symphony of neinhaus' breaking bones, tearing organs, and screams for help.
THE END
