Author Topic: Jokes.  (Read 1911 times)

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The roosterpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

No more microsoft?

Awww..


Post Dirty Limericks!

There once was a man from nantucket
whose richard was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
"If my ear was a pus$y I'd fuc it!

No more microsoft?

Awww..


Post Dirty Limericks!

There once was a man from nantucket
whose richard was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
"If my ear was a pus$y I'd fuc it!

Lol'd


There once was a barmaid from Wales
On her chest she tattooed the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same exact thing in braille

hue

Two Chemists walk into a bar, one says to the bartender " I'll Have a cup of H2O"

He gives it to him, the other bartender asks for a cup of H2O too, a few minutes later he dies.

Oh I get it, H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide.


Well ok

There was a dog, a cat, and a snake sitting around campfire

The dog says: my owner sucks, he makes me take a piss on a fire hydrant

And the cat says: oh yeah? Mine makes me piss ian a ltter box

Then the snake said: oh really? My owner puts a bag over my head and make me do push ups till I throw up
how the forget is there a snake sitting there???
rofl tho

If you think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys. But worst of all. The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up... Your life ain't that bad

Using needles in the dark, i just don't see the point.

Blunt knives, they just don't cut it.

So i saw a man at the airport the other day bouncing a tennis ball, and i thought to myself just how far can Heathrow it.

Fishing is a hobby ive been wanting to tackle for a while now.

A friend of mine introduced me to the joys of coathangers the other day. Now I'm hooked.

Stones - they really do rock.

I went on a once in a life time holiday the other week, i tell you what never again!

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft , A-Flat minor.

My friend thinks it's really clever to buy inexpensive rollerblades. Cheapskate.

I love using the lift, it really leaves me in a elevated mood.

I think I want to become a professional soup producer. That way I'll get ladle the time.

I had to cancel a trip to Bangkok because it didn't thai in with my schedule.


hue

Two Chemists walk into a bar, one says to the bartender " I'll Have a cup of H2O"

He gives it to him, the other bartender asks for a cup of H2O too, a few minutes later he dies.
ahahahhaaha