Author Topic: Movie : Zombie horde. (not recorded and still building) Diary entry (Read 896 times)

alexk · May 27, 2011, 03:50:18 PM

The main character is me...
I had to take a Picture of diary from google pictures.
I added some writing and this is how i made it: Used paint.net

You can rate : x/5

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alexk · May 27, 2011, 03:51:33 PM

Nu first poast. Also I will carry on doing it.
For the video.

Jorici · May 27, 2011, 06:13:05 PM

1/5

Plot holes.

So the Marines were just, there? Why? What was a man with a green coat doing inside your house? How did he get there? Why didn't you do anything when you saw two "hooligans"?

It needs work.

Also, November 3th, 2010

lol

Cucumber! · May 27, 2011, 06:40:35 PM

1/5

Bad grammar. Confusing words. Plot holes, as Jorici said.

So you walk home from school, look at your town demolished and say, "I'm hungry for dinner." Then you go to the window, get shanked by a zombie, and then a random marine comes out and says "ITS A ZOMBIE HORDE!".

Work on it. A lot.

Riot · May 27, 2011, 06:47:57 PM

The Marines are liars, this doesn't sound like a zombie apocalypse.

Barakuda · May 27, 2011, 06:50:00 PM

Zombies can't use tools.

Also, it lacks detail.

Also; part 2: Change the main character. Ten year olds with chainsaws and shotguns can't look badass.

Also; part 3:

Quote from: CUCUMBER! on May 27, 2011, 06:40:35 PM

Bad grammar. Confusing words. Plot holes, as Jorici said.

DracoSoul · May 27, 2011, 06:54:42 PM

Oh, hooligans and a zombie horde. Dinner and a diary entry time

Swholli · May 27, 2011, 07:17:48 PM

Guys, he's posted his heart and soul here.

How many of you would be willing to share the inner thoughts of your dairies? No? I thought so.

I applaud you, kid. You'll go to prom with Stacy, I can just tell.

Oasis · May 28, 2011, 03:34:03 AM

Quote from: Swholli on May 27, 2011, 07:17:48 PM

Guys, he's posted his heart and soul here.

How many of you would be willing to share the inner thoughts of your dairies? No? I thought so.

I applaud you, kid. You'll go to prom with Stacy, I can just tell.

His heart and soul aren't very literate.

Jay the Cartoonist · May 28, 2011, 10:22:06 PM

Quote from: Barakuda on May 27, 2011, 06:50:00 PM

Ten year olds can't look badass.

Travis [bob36455] · May 30, 2011, 01:19:21 AM

1/2 out of 5
Poor plot, poor description, needs more imagery, and spicy words, and what the last paragraph is just full of horrible.
Try a re-write, and some pizzaz then I think it'd be pretty good of a short story.