Author Topic: Should I make an entire story of this? (Fallout: New Vegas novel)  (Read 2785 times)

I've been thinking about making a story based on the storyline of Fallout: New Vegas, where the character, Jolte, roams across the Mojave Wasteland, gaining trust with different factions, exploring Vaults, and just have a bloody-awesome time.

* UPDATE! 5/30/11; 5:09PM EST
Jolte now has a picture ID, credit to Dropshock. Thank you, Shock!

Link to his topic on signature pictures: http://forum.blockland.us/index.php?topic=155756.0

I have 2 small parts of the story if I end up doing it. The reason I havn't said yes to doing this yet is because it would be a long-ass story, and I might end up giving up on it, or just forgetting about it. But I'm not saying no because I could do this somewhat easily, and I know alot about the minour details in Fallout, and I have alot of ideas for the story. . .

  Preview of the story!
  Jolte came up on Nipton. He walked up slowly with his .44 revolver out, noting the torched buildings and Legion flags. Out of nowhere, some crazy-ass man, with the odd appearence of a Powder Ganger, ran up to him and bumped into him, knocking them both over.
   "Yeeeeah! Who won the lottery!? I did!! Smell that air! Couldn't you just drink it like booze?!" he yelled.
   "Umm.. are you feeling alright?" Jolte replied.
   "Are you kidding me?? Never felt better!!" he said, then letting out a crazed laugh.
   Jolte then backed up slowly, and the odd man looked at him like he overdosed on Psychos, and then turned around and ran off. When he was about 10 meters away, Jolte put his .44 in his holster, and pulled the Hunting Rifle off of his back, and slapped in a magazine. He took aim at the man and pulled the trigger. The man dropped to the ground, seemingly dead. Jolte slowly made his way over to the body, and searched his pockets for the lottery ticket. He found it, and put it in his armoured Vault 13 jumpsuit pocket. He searched the rest of the man looking for possible ammunition, or anything else useful. Nothing. Just a few caps.


  Another preview of the story!
   Major Polatli sounded pretty serious when he asked Jolte for help with taking Nelson back from the Legion. Polatli went on and asked, "Are you willing to do the task? We have the soldiers and the small about of firepower needed."
   "I'm ready. Let's do this." Jolte replied.
   The Major nodded, then turned around to write something down. He turned to face Jolte again, and gave him some information on the brief takeover.
   "Nelson is just south of here. I see Boone is with you.." Boone was sitting in a chair, drinking the last of a Nuka-Cola. He looked up an gave Polatli an odd look. "Once you get up to the hill, you'll meet up with Sergeant Cooper and two other Rangers. He'll fill you in on the situation, and start over to Nelson with you."
   Jolte nodded and walked out of the tent with Boone. Eventually, him and Boone came up on the hill the Major was talking about. Boone stopped Jolte by placing his hand or his right shoulder.
   "We're getting close to the town," he said. "The first time I see any legionaries, I'm taking the shot. I hope that's fine with you."
   "That's fine. Let's move." Jolte replied. They moved up onto the mountain, and Cooper turned his head, as he was sitting against some rocks, while one of the Rangers Polatli mentioned was on top of the hill, scouting the town with binoculars, while the other Ranger was standing up, watching the bottom of the hill with his rifle out, making sure no legionaries got to the hill.
   "So what's the plan?" Jolte asked Cooper.
   "We're gonna head over this hill, and sneak in through the front gate of Nelson. There aren't any Legion guards. They're all asleep as far as we can tell. There might be some in the burned buildings, but we aren't sure. Anyway, let's go."
   They all headed up over the hill, and down toward the front gate of Nelson. Once they got into the town, they slowed down their walking. All of a sudden, they heard the sound of a rifle go off. One of the Rangers immediately pointed over to a house, and yelled "There!". They all started firing toward the house. After about 20 rounds were fired off, the hands - which was all they could see of the Legion soldier - dropped down and hung out of the window, while the hunting rifle he possesed fell to the ground.
   The small group moved into the medical station that the scouting Ranger noticed the Legion troops all head into. The second they got in, they saw two sleeping legionaries, and one in the middle, coincidenatally looking at the door as they crept in. They all moved up into the building fast; the two Rangers held their M16A1s up at the Legion soldier, forcing him to surrender. He got on his knees, lowered his head, and raised his hands. The other two Legion members were captured aswell.
   After they were through with Nelson, Jolte creeped off with Boone without saying a word. They headed back to Major Polatli in Camp Forelorn Hope. Jolte and Boone entred the tent Polatli was in, and Boone sat in the same chair, next to the tent flap, he did last time they were in there. Jolte walked up to the Major, and he turned around, as he heard Jolte's footsteps.
   "Ah, you're back. How did things go?" he asked.
   "They went fine. Cooper and the other Rangers subdued two legionaries. One was killed when we snuck into the town. He opened fire on us before we saw him. Other than that, Nelson now belongs to the NCR." Jolte answered.
   "Thank you very much. As a token of appreciation, I will give you this." Polatli handed Jolte a small military-looking pouch that containing a number of caps, looking around 300.
   "Thank you, Major. I'll be on my way now." Jolte said. He shook the Major's hand, then turned around and looked at Boone. Boone stood up and walked out of the tent with Jolte.



So give me some critCIAm or suggestions for this. If you want, leave a comment with a small part of some writing based on the storyline, and tell me you want to help. I'll say yes or no based on how your writing is. I look for these key parts in writing:

 - descriptive and detailed (i.e., The dust and wind wasn't making anything better. The radscorpion was coming towards him, and he couldn't see stuff. The dust was hitting his eyes, obstructing his view greatly.)

 - lay out Jolte's actions as how I say; Jolte is a peacekeeper, and a mysterious-type. He doesn't go around killing every NCR and Great Khan he sees. Basically, just listen to me when you ask or I tell how the story is going.

 - keep the story clean and easily understood, and don't leave any gaps in the plot. I don't want anything left out. I highly suggest you base most parts of the story on quests, or traveling in the Mojave.

So yeah. PM me about this, ask me to TinyChat sometime, whatever. I'll be glad to talk about this with anyone who has experience writing.

Also, I'd like anybody helping me with this to know alot about Fallout 3 or New Vegas, and to know things about locations (for example, there is a secret armoury in Vault 34; there is a snow globe in the Goodsprings Cemetary; Wild Wild Wasteland gives you the opportunity to get the Alien Blaster). Thank you.

/discuss
« Last Edit: May 30, 2011, 06:59:58 PM by Aeschylus »

                                                                            -Updates-

May 29, 2011; 2:24PM -
   - added a new preview to the topic

May 30, 2011; 5:09PM -
   - Jolte has been given an official picture, credit to Dropshock!


May 31, 7:00PM -
   - Noticed this thread has exactly 101 replies. (For anyone that doesnt know what that means, the vault you arise from in Fallout 3 is Vault 101)

« Last Edit: May 31, 2011, 07:47:30 PM by Aeschylus »

Bump for updates.

Someone needs to give me some damn feedback. Jesus.

I wrote a Fallout: New Vegas excerpt.
_____________________________ _____________________________ _____________________________ ____________________
 The crisp desert air stung his lungs as the courier ran across the field.  He crouched down low, and suddenly realized the danger ahead.  Four humanoid creatures, clad in barbaric and very unstylish armor trotted through the grass to combat him.  At that moment, the supposed leader of the group let out a nasty battle cry, and the fiends charged.  The courier opened his pack, grabbing a modded 10mm pistol.  After displacing 13 rounds into the skulls or his enemies, he checked his hp on his PIP-BOY 3000.
  "256/310 hp" he spat out at the rotting flesh beneath him.  Pulling a Sunset Sarsaparilla from his pack, he drank it while walking into the apocalyptic night.


I think your essay is pretty good.

I wrote a Fallout: New Vegas excerpt.
_____________________________ _____________________________ _____________________________ ____________________
 The crisp desert air stung his lungs as the courier ran across the field.  He crouched down low, and suddenly realized the danger ahead.  Four humanoid creatures, clad in barbaric and very unstylish armor trotted through the grass to combat him.  At that moment, the supposed leader of the group let out a nasty battle cry, and the fiends charged.  The courier opened his pack, grabbing a modded 10mm pistol.  After displacing 13 rounds into the skulls or his enemies, he checked his hp on his PIP-BOY 3000.
  "256/310 hp" he spat out at the rotting flesh beneath him.  Pulling a Sunset Sarsaparilla from his pack, he drank it while walking into the apocalyptic night.


I think your essay is pretty good.
That's great. The only propblem is the PIP-BOY part. I would suggest replacing that with this:

   After he was through, and the bullets stopped flying, he immediately started to feel majour pain in his left leg. He looked down and saw blood running out of a hole in his leg. He had been shot. He immediate reached for a Med-X to dull the pain, and used a Stimpak to stabilize it. He then patched it up. Pulling a Sunset Saraparilla from his pack, he drank it while walking into the apocalyptic night.

But yeah, you're very good. I like the use of sensory words. Do you have an Xbox 360?

That's great. The only propblem is the PIP-BOY part. I would suggest replacing that with this:

   After he was through, and the bullets stopped flying, he immediately started to feel majour pain in his left leg. He looked down and saw blood running out of a hole in his leg. He had been shot. He immediate reached for a Med-X to dull the pain, and used a Stimpak to stabilize it. He then patched it up. Pulling a Sunset Saraparilla from his pack, he drank it while walking into the apocalyptic night.

But yeah, you're very good. I like the use of sensory words. Do you have an Xbox 360?
Yeah I have a 360.

This make anyone feel the need to play Fallout New Vegas, and then begin wondering when the online multiplayer Fallout will be announced?

This make anyone feel the need to play Fallout New Vegas, and then begin wondering when the online multiplayer Fallout will be announced?
Warfare will be amazing. I cant wait.

The first excerpt made me want to vomit all over my laptop it was so bad. so no.


The first excerpt made me want to vomit all over my laptop it was so bad. so no.
Mine didn't?

The first excerpt made me want to vomit all over my laptop it was so bad. so no.
You make me cry.
NEVER WRITE AGAIN
You're just a complete dumbass.
Mine didn't?
indyjonesindyjonesindyjones

You make me cry.You're just a complete dumbass.indyjonesindyjonesind yjones
Just stop loving writing. You cant even write an illiterate piece of stuff your excerpts are worse than that for godsakes.

User was banned for this post
« Last Edit: June 06, 2011, 12:18:36 AM by Badspot »

Your writing is stiff and uninteresting. Your "snippet" of the story was pulled from the middle of the story, and as such the characters are completely irrelevant to me, there are no descriptions of anything so I can't relate to anyone or anything in the story. This makes it incredibly boring and arduous to read. Your verbs and adjectives and general phrasing is pedestrian and doesn't make me excited to see any more of your writing.

Start from the beginning of the story.

Your writing is stiff and uninteresting. Your "snippet" of the story was pulled from the middle of the story, and as such the characters are completely irrelevant to me, there are no descriptions of anything so I can't relate to anyone or anything in the story. This makes it incredibly boring and arduous to read. Your verbs and adjectives and general phrasing is pedestrian and doesn't make me excited to see any more of your writing.

Start from the beginning of the story.

Dont forget he doesnt even edit or loving revise at all.