MICHAEL JURAYS INCREDIBLY SCARY CREEPY PASTA
(WARNING ITS VERY SCARY BRING SPARE PANTS)
Okay so recently I've been getting into King of the Hill. For those of you uninformed, King of
the Hill follows the wacky hijinks of Hank Hill, a regular Texas resident who sells propane and is
proud to do it. In a normal episode he'll win a big court case involving fishing for bass using
cocaine, or prove to a customer why propane is better than charcol by using a complicated plan.
Sometimes it'll follow a story about his son Bobby or his wife Peggy, I don't really like either.
so I went to go buy some seasons at wal-mart. Luckily, they just restocked and I bought
seasons 1-6. I'm pretty sure that's all there was so I eagerly went home to watch them. As I
was unwrapping them (These are sold in sets of 2 and have those fox advertisements over the
cover in shrink wrap) I noticed that season 5 had no paper inside it. I shrugged this off as
some sort of mistake by a hungover factory worker who probably got fired for this slip up.
There was probably 100 more DVDS out there without a cover. My friend told me that KOTH
actually followed a storyline so I started from season 1. I worked my way up and watched
all the classics like Propane Boom and Hank's Cowboy movie. I had just finished season 4
and went to put in season 5. As I started it up I noticed there was no ads or legal disclaimers in
the beginning. I was actually very excited because I hated skipping those things. I got to the
main menu and the entire screen was black save for one white link in the middle of the screen
that said HANK_HILL.avi. At this point I was infuriated that an entire company could release
disks like this without protest from their consumers. Why my friend hadn't told me about this
screw up I was soon to find out. I started the video, but to my surprise instead of the gently riffed
guitar theme and hank and his friends standing around drinking beer thought the day, I was
greeted by some sort of terrible note, like on a broken church organ. The entire title was just
Hank hill staring at me, looking depressed. Under his face it said EPISODE 128. Which is
funny because it skipped a bunch of episodes in between itself season 4. The very first screen
was some sort of laughably bad reincarnation of Hank's backyard drawn in MS paint. But instead
of the normal cast, it was just Hank, standing alone for about 5 seconds. After that his lips started
moving, but whatever he said was nearly unrecognizable. Luckily for me there were subtitles.
"I SAW HUMAN FLESH IN THE MEN'S URINALS I TELL YOU WHAT".
I was terrified and wanted to throw my PS3 (Which I was using to play my DVDS
considering it had no games) out the window. As I advanced towards my tv the screen cut off
to some sort of sped up view of clouds, and a static noise. When it came back some sort of
inverted color scheme of Hank was emerging from him. Some sort of African American with
red hair, blue pants and green shirt. The sound playing was some sort of constant chinging
noise. Hank's doppelganger moved himself to the other side of the screen and started flipping
rapidly upside down and back, making pong noises. When it stopped it looked at Hank.
Hank didn't change his expression at all and just said his signature
"Yup".
The screen zoomed in on Hank's doppelgangers face, and anti-hank just released a high pitched note
for about 2 seconds. At this point it cut to another poorly drawn picture of Peggy. She was in front of a
fence, like the one Hank drinks beer in front of. Some sort of melancholy melody was playing, like
coming out of an old music box. 6 seconds in, an almost realistic puff of smoke appeared on screen
and Peggy was gone. Instantly, it went back to Hank who was already releasing another terrifying
unbearable line with more subtitles.
"NOW WHERE'D THAT MIDGET GET TO"
I can only fathom he was referring to Bobby. Once more I was greeted by a static sound and another
screen. On this screen the distorted picture of a man appeared, but only for a split second. The
episode ended with the same picture as the very beginning, but some sort of relaxing music was playing.
Needless to say I ripped the DVD out of my PS3 and broke it into a million tiny tangy crunchy pieces. I
immediately called my friend and asked him why anyone would do this. "I dunno" he said.
"I am drawing a big blank"
.
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