So during my daily reflection (Time before I sleep) I think about the day and what happened. Then mixed emotions follow. So my mom wants me to talk to her. And for those of you who don't know, I hate my parents. So I usually am very quiet around my parents. So she asks me if I was mad and I said no, but I said hat I was thinking. So then she asked me about what. I said personal things. So she asks like what? So I say "Personal things" Then she is just stunned because she can't hear my personal thoughts. So as she tries again, I shut her down. After we talked she asked me if I had any questions about anything, obviously trying to get into my personal thoughts. But I just say no. I mean is it that hard to understand I don't want you in my loving personal life.
With my dad, he always asks me if there are any girls I like. Which of course there is, but I always respond with no. Why? Because if I say yes he will taunt the living sit out of me until I tell him, then he will make these bad ass jokes about it. God he's so loving annoying. He's like a loving 8 year old. Every sunday I leave the house early with him to do work. Ever single time, I'm quiet. He'll do whatever he can to make me smile/show emotion. Jesus Christ do you know ,how annoying this is? imagine every 3 seconds someone poking you. It gets old really loving fast. God damnit I cannot wait until I'm 18.
Whenever I listen to a song about loving your family I try to imagine my family being happy and loving everyone in it. But the image lasts for about a second before I remember how much I hate my parents.
My sister. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister, she's the only one in my intermediate family I love. But its hard to love someone when they defend the people you hate.
My cousin Nicole. If any of you remember that picture of me and my cousin and I was doing a derp face, its her. So a little history, her father is a hobo as is her mother. She currently lives on her own in San Clemente. And because of her forgeted up family she has stuff attributes. Its way to hard to sum all of it up, but basically she will pester you until she gets what she wants.
Jesus loving Christ. My mom earliar said that I can tell her or my dad anything and that I wouldn't be judged or criticized. Bull loving stuff. If for example I told my dad that I was gay (I'm not gay) e would either disown me, or not talk to me. He would mock me behind my back and be ashamed to call himself my dad. If I tell my mom anything, she will tell it to my dad, so she is useless. Its too awkward to tell it to my sister or my cousin. Sit I try to tell my youth pastor and he texts it to my dad. I really need to tell him next time that I don't want my dad to know about our discussions.
My youth pastor is really the only person I would trust telling this stuff and know that he won't tel anyone. But stuff, this whole thread is loving with my emotions. Just thinking about my hatred and telling my pastor makes me feel very emotional. But forget man. Once I turn 18 I'm taking all my money in my bank account and living out in the middle of the loving desert.
