I had my "Wtf grin" going on reading that whole post.
because you realize the hard truth
it has begun. you cannot escape now, it is coming over you. it is coming faster than you expected. you didnt have time to prepare, it has come to fast. it will hit with incredible force and overcome you with ease. the first stages have already begun. your curiosity is tearing you apart. you hunger for more. its like a drug, you cannot stop thinking about it. you cannot break away. you slowly watch yourself fall to the addiction. swallowing you whole in a way you never expected. a tear runs down your cheek because you know resistance is futile, like a mile long train going at 120mph.
it has begun and it cannot be stopped.