I've been deeply thinking about life and everything... The universe, our people, the different ways of life. I am going to apologize beforehand that while you're reading this you may notice I really jump around from topic to topic. Basically whatever I am thinking at the moment, no matter how confusing it sounds will be typed; please bear with me. Also, I am starting to think the title might be a bit off... I'm simply speaking my mind.
First off, my actual name is Jonathan. I'm an open minded 15 year old living in a quiet suburb outside of Boston. I was raised in with a religious background as my parents attended church on a weekly basis. Being raised Protestant I was very content in my safe little world. Going to elementary school, enjoying the weekend, then going to church to hear my pastor preach. I thoroughly believed everything said because I was just an ignorant kid who wouldn't think otherwise, since it was all I knew anyways. As the years pass nothing much changes except my height... Junior High passes and all of a sudden I looked around and realized I was a Freshman at High School.
I honestly hate when time goes seems to go by so quickly. I find it quite depressing, actually, just not being able to really get a grip. An brown townogy would be.. Have you ever been to the beach and took a hand-full of the hot, lighter sand and all of it just swiftly leaks out between your fingers and eventually there's just nothing left...
As my freshman year began to come to an end last year I really began to start doubting my religion. Some things we are taught just didn't add up. Whenever I would get in a religious debate, the op-poser would always bring up Genesis 1:3-##. He/She would state that it is simply stupid to believe the universe was created in 7 days. My counter to that is the fact that Moses, who wrote Genesis, was simply making it simpler for the peoples to understand... The funny thing is I went through a period of time when I considered myself to be Atheist. Someone asked me why I radically changed from being Protestant to Atheist in a week, and my response was: "I have simply been enlightened." I went on the offense and purposely started religious arguments, defending the side that "God" did not exist.
At this very moment I have no idea where I stand. I wish there to be an afterlife, I wish there to be a God, a heaven, etc. However, I fear the worst. The truth... The fact that maybe we are just all a very advanced species. Knowledge is a curse, if we all remained apes and just didn't care why there's day and night, or why it isn't sunny everyday, or how we even got there. When we die, nothing happens. We're just like any other animal. It's terrifying, I loving hate the idea. I get more and more convinced and I just want to save myself the suspense and find out faster.
What really drives me to try to have some faith or belief in heaven would be the loss of others. You don't want to believe that when your uncle dies, he simply decomposed in his coffin 6 feet under the ground and his total existence ended as abruptly it began...
I was watching the news a some time ago and I remember listening to this story where a woman actually died for a short period of time in her hospital room and she talks about how she saw herself. She describes to have "Floated" or "Drifted" above her body and was watching her body just lie there. These type of experiences fascinate me. As our mind and their operations are very magnificent indeed, is it possible that consciousness or spiritual mind is able to exist outside the mind? Albert Einstein's famous equation E=mc² states that energy and matter are the same thing. Matter cannot be destroyed, therefore energy cannot be destroyed aswell. The energy of our consciousness cannot be destroyed then, but where does it go?
I'm terrified of my future. We have one life to live and that's it. Nothing else, but now. The present and future is all we have. I don't want to forget up, and I want to get to where I wish to go. I'm afraid of failure and not accomplishing anything. But then again what does it really matter, all the work for nothing. We simply perish after some 80 years and all is now rendered useless. I need to stop here as I can just continually run circles around everything I bring up.
This is completely open to discussion of religion, the universe and it's origins, and your life goals.
Edit: I tried to portray what I was thinking to the best of my abilities. I am not even going to bother revising what I wrote. I apologize if I didn't do a very well job because I can't think straight. Hence why "Mindforget" is in the title. I can't get my head around the universe, god, and our life.
