Jerkface Writes Stories

[Jerkface]

Brickybob made a topic where he was going to write stories based on your topics and character names.

I'm gonna copy the idea just to annoy him.

Follow the format if you chumps feel like it:

Story Name:

Character List (Max of 3 Main Characters, max of 3 Antagonists):

Plot (Storyline, obviously I'll do the real plot.):

Why you want this made:

Completed:

  -brîckbðt
  -Mega-bear

[Ad Bot]

[SailorMan]

inb4trolling

[Mega-Bear]

Story Name:
Dreamy Beautiful Fantasies in Dark Dangerous Death Land

Character List (Max of 3 Main Characters, max of 3 Antagonists):
Sally - Brodawg's lovey wife. Fights for good
Brodawg - Sally's FUGLY husband. Fights for evil.
Clock - Neutral and aids both sides.

Plot (Storyline, obviously I'll do the real plot.):
Sally and Brodawg fight a bunch in different environments, effectively destroying the world. When their fight is over, they are about to die and Clock has to figure out which one has won and let them live or some stuff.

Why you want this made:
lulz

[Jake White]

Story Name:
ColdStar
(Or something along those lines. Feel free to change, but make relevant to plot [see below])
Character List (Max of 3 Main Characters, max of 3 Antagonists):
Aleksandr: Main character, lives in the nation of Skorkovia, very similar to Russia.
-Witty, very smart.
-Very quick runner
-decent hunter, not the best.

Danil: Mentor to Aleksandr.
-Hardened, has gone through battles 'n such
-Doesn't take anyone's stuff
-Was paid to foster Aleksandr rather than Aleksandr's poor parents.

And the antagonist. (Find a good name): From different culture similar to England on another side of the planet.
-Very strong, great leader
-Is leading the invasion of Skorkovia
-Came vastly unprepared, didn't expect an entire country to be waiting for him.

Plot (Storyline, obviously I'll do the real plot.):
This planet is not Earth. This planet does not orbit a sun. The object of light that it orbits is a comet that had naturally phosphorescent water inside it that crashed through an asteroid belt and eventually lost enough speed that it stopped.
Things started to orbit it, eventually planets formed. There was enough light and water for life, and eventually, developed ann entire ecosystem of flora and fauna.

Meanwhile, Earth has been gone for billions of years. However, one of the final acts of the planet was to send out seed ships containing two perfectly preserved cryogenically frozen humans. These ships would seek out a suitable planet and release the two humans to make a civilization (insert Adam and Eve joke here).

The story begins with Aleksandr and his mentor living in the wilderness in Skorkovia near the coast. They're the first to encounter the as of yet unnamed "British" Invaders.

And I'll let you take it from there.

Why you want this made:

I've been thinking out this story for a long while, and I've never actually gotten around to writing it. Do this please. Plus, I want to see someone else's take on my ideas.

Oh and the time period is about 1600's-1700's... Make it steampunky.

[brîckbðt]

Story Name:

Characters: I, have, no, clue,

Plot: I post something

Why you want this made: I dunno lol

[Jerkface]

I'll do brîckbðt's first because it's so easy.

Dis Gon B Gud, by Jerkface.

     Once upon a time, there were some characters that nobody knew existed.  It was a terrible time of turmoil, or so we thought.  We, small children at the time, could only think about one thing.  Were we real?  The answer was simple.  They-

OMFG LAZORS GO PEW PUH-POWY!  AHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And I have no clue why this has been made.

[Mega-Bear]

Do mine plocks.

[Jerkface]

Do mine plocks.

Will you report me if I say any bad words in it?

[Mega-Bear]

Will you report me if I say any bad words in it?

Jesus loving CHRIST you are super butthurt.

EDIT: Quit crying about how you got banned for breaking rules and improve yourself. Whining about it and bringing it up non-stop makes you like like a child.

[Jerkface]

It was a slight joke.  You alright?

[Mega-Bear]

It was a slight joke.  You alright?

Oh. Good one. :D

[Jerkface]

Story Name:
Dreamy Beautiful Fantasies in Dark Dangerous Death Land

Character List (Max of 3 Main Characters, max of 3 Antagonists):
Sally - Brodawg's lovey wife. Fights for good
Brodawg - Sally's FUGLY husband. Fights for evil.
Clock - Neutral and aids both sides.

Plot (Storyline, obviously I'll do the real plot.):
Sally and Brodawg fight a bunch in different environments (no, just no.  You can't fight an environment.), effectively (Then where would that golden plot be? *wink*) destroying the world. When their fight is over, they are about to die and Clock has to figure out which one has won and let them live or some stuff.

Why you want this made:
lulz

"Dreamy Beautiful Fantasies in Dark Dangerous Death Land" by Jerkface

   Brodawg woke.  His eyes still wet, he looked around the blurred room.  He couldn't discern if the sound he heard was from an intruder or not, but he was well aware that any sound at all needed immediate attention.  Wiping his eyes and sliding his legs over the side of his pink, zebra-stripped bed, he got into his easter-bunny slippers and made way towards the door.  His room was quite small and empty.  He didn't have money, nor did he have a job in which to attain some.  He had nothing.  His bed was the only expensive piece of furniture in his collection, yet it, too, had no real value.  Beside the bed sat a small, cardboard box with an alarm clock resting on top.  Brodawg took hold of the handle, and silently eased the door open to peer through the opening.  The hallway looked empty.
   
     "Oh good."  He exhaled the air he was holding in his lungs.  The tension was relieved.  "That's right, you forgeters.  You won't find the Brodawg here tonight!  No sir... not even a tracking hound could spot ol' Brodawg.  If one came close, it'd know fear I say!  Fear!"
   
     Brodawg's voice began to echo through the empty neighborhood in which he stayed.  It was silent and alone.  A standing soldier in a vast world of death, Brodawg was one of the remaining victims of the extreme heat that came from the Solar Flare:  an invasion of a race of alien beings that crashed into the planet Earth.  They immediately created a small colony out of the survivors, and built up a transport route back home to bring in food, supplies... and an army. 
   
     A crash nearby sent Brodawg into a fearful rage, causing him to slam the door shut and bolt to the window to grab his gun.  He waited there for a few seconds in hiding before peering outside.  On the ground, several floors down from him lay a woman with golden blonde hair, and a weird looking robot that seemed to have been trying to transport her to somewhere.
   
     The robot began to whir, "Ma'am!  We have arrived at",  The robot's voice chip began to lower in pitch and tone, "Thyrin Village!"  The robot shifted its voice back to normal before continuing, "The only place that can beat Thyrin's ham, is a place with really good chefs!"
   
     Ignoring the stupid humor of what seemed to be a tourguide robot, Brodawg roostered the rifle and fired a shot, missing the girl.  The robot began to twist and turn.  Its color began to shift to a bright red, and siren horns began to blare from its speakers, "Warning!  Warning!  Sadism is extremely off limits within the Sancto region!  Halt all offensive gestures and/or murderous manuevers at once or prepare to be exterminated!"  Brodawg aimed the rifle at the robot.  He zoomed in to see a small, silver name tag claiming that the thing had the name 'Dennis'.  Brodawg gave a slight chuckle, "This piece of stuff has a name?  Damn, and I thought my name was loving rediculous." (Insert finger here to point at Mega-Bear, and eyes with which to glare at him.)
   
     Brodawg's voice alerted the robot which immediately fired two small rockets through the window.  Brodawg slammed against the opposite wall, and rolled to his side, "Holy stuff man, that thing is psychotic!"  He stood and ran out the bedroom door and headed for the staircase that allowed access to the fire escape.  When he opened the hatch, there was the same girl as before, standing upright and staring at him.  Accompanying her was Dennis, who sat next to her with an animated smile projected through his small, glass framed mouth.
   
     The girl looked from Brodawg to Dennis, and then back, "Is this really how you treat your wife, hun?"
   
     Brodawg's face was still in a state of horror.  He stood there, muttering nonsense until he was able to spit a few words out, "Y...you....  You died a long time ago, you whore!  How could you come back from the dead!?"
   
     The girl simply pushed him aside and walked into the stairwell, "You see... when you last tried to kill me, you forgot one simple rule.  'Never murder someone and run.'  It's a rather simple rule, dear.  You just shoot, and wait for a little bit before vacating the scene.  I wasn't dead!"
   
     Brodawg had reverted back to his state of frozen shock.  His face was stuck in an awkward moment with his mouth in a complete frown, and his eyes wide.  However, his hands were trying to reach for the rifle.  With one swift motion, he forced the rifle up and aimed at the girl's head, "Oh hun, you know me...!  I'm just a sloppy guy.  I never keep myself all tidy without some chick to clean up my mess."
   
     Dennis began to spin angrily, but seemed confused by which speech pattern fit the scene correctly, "Get him tiger!  Get him tiger!  Swing the bat, boy!  Go for the goal!"
   
     Brodawg turned toward the robot, "Are you serious?  Who's side are you on anyway, tin head!?"  With Brodawg's attention shifted, the girl grabbed the gun and forced it out of Brodawg's hand.  She aimed the sight at Brodawg's forehead and spoke calm and clear, "You never knew how to handle a woman, Bro."
   
     Dennis's side panels opened up with extending arms flying out from four spots.  The arms completely entangled both the girl, and Brodawg, and began to squeeze forcefully.  Dennis forced the two up against the wall, "Both of you are seen as criminals.  State now which one of you deserves to die!  State now-  State now-  State now-  State now..."  Dennis began to squeeze even harder.  Before Brodawg could open his mouth, the alarm clock that sat near his bed began to screech in a loud pitch with the word "Brodawg, wake up!  Brodawg wake up!  Brodawg wake-"
   
     Brodawg whispered "Sally" as his body slumped to the floor, bloody and lifeless.  Sally was let go as Dennis retracted his arms. 
   
     Dennis moved over to Brodawg's corpse, "Affirmative.  Brodawg, leader of revolutionary army.  Purpose of criminal act;  to destroy humanity.  Bounty, set at fourteen million.  Bounty hunter assigned to his capture, Sally Nymn.  Report, sent."
   
     Sally rubbed her arms as she walked to the corpse, "I guess this is justice then.  Your army of those bastard aliens has been eliminated, so you really had no purpose in living any longer.  I guess I'll miss your touch, but that's all, really."  Sally stood up and made for the door, pausing once she was just barely outside, "One more thing.  I'm keeping this rifle."

Author's Note:

  -I loving hated your character names.  ...lol.
  -Clock is a dumb name, so I made it literally a clock.
  -You can't fight an environment.
  -Destroy the world?  Boo!  Then I can't have cool fight scenes anymore! (Generic plot)
  -I didn't describe how "Brodawg" looked.  Far too ugly.

Edit:  I'm too lazy to check for grammar issues.  Spelling should be fine, as the red lines help a little bit.

[Mega-Bear]

Author's Note:

  -I loving hated your character names.  ...lol. Deal w/it
  -Clock is a dumb name, so I made it literally a clock. NICE
  -You can't fight an environment. Re-read what I said.
  -Destroy the world?  Boo!  Then I can't have cool fight scenes anymore! (Generic plot) Spaaace :(
  -I didn't describe how "Brodawg" looked.  Far too ugly. Just say he was so damn ugly that everybody died.
Edit:  I'm too lazy to check for grammar issues.  Spelling should be fine, as the red lines help a little bit.

[Jerkface]

Quote from Somebody above me:  "(You can't fight an environment.) Re-read what I said."

...Whoopsies.  I don't edit out my mistakes though. I'll let this sit in case someone else reads it and wants to find it stupid/funny.

Sally and Brodawg fight a bunch in different environments

Sally and Brodawg fight a bunch OF different environments  <-- >.> I totally didn't see it this way.

[Mega-Bear]

Quote from Somebody above me:  "(You can't fight an environment.) Re-read what I said."

...Whoopsies.  I don't edit out my mistakes though. I'll let this sit in case someone else reads it and wants to find it stupid/funny.

Sally and Brodawg fight a bunch in different environments

Sally and Brodawg fight a bunch OF different environments  <-- >.> I totally didn't see it this way.

It's still a cool story. :D