Story Name:
ColdStar
(Or something along those lines. Feel free to change, but make relevant to plot [see below])
Character List (Max of 3 Main Characters, max of 3 Antagonists):
Aleksandr: Main character, lives in the nation of Skorkovia, very similar to Russia.
-Witty, very smart.
-Very quick runner
-decent hunter, not the best.
Danil: Mentor to Aleksandr.
-Hardened, has gone through battles 'n such
-Doesn't take anyone's stuff
-Was paid to foster Aleksandr rather than Aleksandr's poor parents.
And the antagonist. (Find a good name): From different culture similar to England on another side of the planet.
-Very strong, great leader
-Is leading the invasion of Skorkovia
-Came vastly unprepared, didn't expect an entire country to be waiting for him.
Plot (Storyline, obviously I'll do the real plot.):
This planet is not Earth. This planet does not orbit a sun. The object of light that it orbits is a comet that had naturally phosphorescent water inside it that crashed through an asteroid belt and eventually lost enough speed that it stopped.
Things started to orbit it, eventually planets formed. There was enough light and water for life, and eventually, developed ann entire ecosystem of flora and fauna.
Meanwhile, Earth has been gone for billions of years. However, one of the final acts of the planet was to send out seed ships containing two perfectly preserved cryogenically frozen humans. These ships would seek out a suitable planet and release the two humans to make a civilization (insert Adam and Eve joke here).
The story begins with Aleksandr and his mentor living in the wilderness in Skorkovia near the coast. They're the first to encounter the as of yet unnamed "British" Invaders.
And I'll let you take it from there.
Why you want this made:
I've been thinking out this story for a long while, and I've never actually gotten around to writing it. Do this please. Plus, I want to see someone else's take on my ideas.
Oh and the time period is about 1600's-1700's... Make it steampunky.
“ColdStar, a land of beauty!” The short man spouted, “Isn’t that a riot, Plank?”
“Shut up Mines, I’m watching the game.” A burly man, roughly seven feet tall, sat in front of a small apple crate with a small television set resting on top. He reclined in the seat he formed out of a used mattress and some old tires.
Mines stared at the poster that hung, half torn, from the wall, “Just think about it for a minute though. This stupid wasteland used to be a wonderful resort for the rich. I think it’s funny. If only you had a sense of humor, maybe you’d still be allowed to trade with that small shop we passed a while back. The guy only made a single black joke and you go and get all offended and stuff.”
Plank slowly turned his head to stare directly at Mines who in turn looked away as fast as he could. Plank returned his gaze to the small, static television, “Just shut up and get the parts we need. I can’t deal with any more of your stuff today.”
Mines waved his hand and began to scavenge the old repair shop they were in for useful parts. He took a few pipes, some old wire, a bucket of nails and some rubber mats before exiting the hut to deposit them into the truck they arrived in. Plank continued to watch the screen, which was almost completely incomprehensible with the static and the hissing it made.
A low rumbling sound could be heard in the distance. Mines finished shoving the materials into the back before pulling out a brass watch, “Oh… oh god. Plank. Plank! This isn’t good. Not good at all. Not good at…” Before he could finish, the rumbling subsided and everything was normal again. Mines stared off into the distance where the shaking began; backing up slowly to the workshop door.
“Plank! Where are you?” Mines began to shout as soon as he got into the shop, “We spent too long here messin’ around, man! The reavers are here!”
Plank cranked his head toward Mines and gave him a cold glare, “And whose fault is that!? I blame the sniveling rat who currently stands in the doorway!” He returned his gaze to the television, “I say you deal with it.”
Mines stood in panic, unable to move. His hands clenched the door frame tightly, “Plank, we don’t have time to argue, let’s get out of here man!” Mines checked the large, brass watch once more, “It’ll be an hour ‘til they are able to come above ground, c’mon!”
Plank gave a heavy sigh, “You just don’t get it, do you? We don’t have time to drive away. Just set up some lamps and we’ll spend the night here. We got the television, see? We’ll be fine.”
Mines gave a heavy sigh, “You can’t watch that thing. I don’t see why you like it so much; you’re just playing old sports videos over and over. If you actually hear anything, you already know what’ll happen.”
“Hey, don’t be judging me. I found something I like. Just because you don’t seem to have anything you like, doesn’t mean you have to trash my fun. Go set up the lamps before I feed you to them reavers!” Plank stood up, “Did you hear me, boy?”
Mines left the shop and headed back to the truck, across the barren earth. The shop was located in the middle of nowhere. Where towns once were, the parasitic, underground creatures now roam. Known solely as a reaver, the giant earthworms of the desert devoured everything within site that had liquid. The people of this planet had been forced to live above ground in giant, floating, structured cities to escape the death of the insectoid beings, the reavers, and the other various monstrous creatures that now live below. After gathering enough of the required material from the truck bed, Mines ran back to the shop, “Hey, I got enough for four lamps. It’s good that I was prepared for the worst case scenario.”
Plank sat in the dark, staring at a smashed television that sat beside a wooden crate. Mines noticed this and quietly made way to a work bench to begin work on the much needed light source. Plank stood up and walked over to Mines, where he sat down on a stool nearby and watched his friend work.
“You OK there, bud?” Mines’s voice trailed near the end of his sentence.
“Yeah.”
The natural rhythm of the planet was beginning to change as time went on. Mines checked his brass watch again, “It’s almost time.”
“Don’t forget to add the salt stone powder. We’ll be dead without it.”
Mines nodded at that, and withdrew a large bag of white, chalky gravel. As he set the bag down onto the table, a large cloud of smoke billowed out through the top opening. Carefully, Plank helped him pour a few handfuls of the powdered rock into a small bowl that would sit atop each finished lamp. “That should just about do it for the lamps. Help me get ‘em outside.”
That night, the earth shook like thunder. Both of the men couldn’t sleep. When the morning would come, they’d prepare themselves for the ride back. This was a war-torn land, and abandoned shops like this one were prized areas for scavengers such as them.
People of all sorts collectively gather at major military towns that remain intact, and defended, on the planet’s surface. Unlike the floating cities, these towns are specifically kept for trading, hunting, farming and military training.
The closest town, Gilheist, is a strong military base that contains a few thousand residents. Most of them are trading merchants who collect materials and scrap brought back from various collectors. Some are hired, others are freelance. The job is a dangerous one, and this town is an important landmark for most people.
The town supported people of all varieties and statures as well. People migrated from the empire’s main cities to live on the planet’s surface. For some, this was to escape the lives they no longer wanted. For others, this was a way to achieve the goals they’ve always desired. There was no strict, upheld law down on the surface. It was impossible to govern, and the empire had given up on regulating the populace that which was out of their comfortable reach.
A light flickered in a shack, a few miles from Gilheist. Inside, a loud discussion was taking place.
“The city is named ‘Tyrael’s Honor’ after an old war hero. It’s believed that the late king, Tyrael, had conquered this land from the Azurites back when the first of the great wars were fought. If he had not won the battle that took place here, then we would never have been born. We would never have existed. This land, these people… all of it would be forest and water.” Danil’s temper began to flare when he noticed a few of the students weren’t listening, “Damn it you bastards! Get a hold of your desires for each other and listen up, will you!?”
“Danil, sir, we’re bored. We’ve been in studies for hours now. When can we get a break?” The student that spoke looked pleased with himself. His smug grin grew when his friends nearby began to shout his words over and over, “Yeah! We’re tired damn it! It’s so boring in this stupid class!”
Danil glanced over to Aleksandr who was sleeping in his seat off to the side, “Does everyone wish to know what happens to those who don’t pay attention in my class?”
The students stopped shouting almost instantly. The curiosity they expressed pushed the boundaries as they all sat up and tried to get a better view of Aleksandr in his chair. Danil walked slowly over to him, loosening his cuffs and tightening the metal gauntlet he wore on his right hand. With a swift swing, he snagged Aleksandr by the neck and lifted him off his chair. The surprise gave Aleksandr a jolt, causing him to twist out of the grip and slam to the floor.
Danil slowly placed his right, booted foot onto Aleksandr’s head, “Children; that is what you all resemble to me. What I see in front of me is not the future of Skorkovia, but the worthless scum that dribbles from a slain foes stomach. You all should be ashamed of yourselves, but then again, I never expected much from a bunch of ingrates. For today, class will be dismissed early.”
Aleksandr moved Danil’s foot off of him and stood up to watch the others leave the room, “Danil, what happened?”
Danil gave him an evil look, “You fell asleep you blithering idiot! How can I use you as an example of a perfect student when you aren’t even awake during my lectures! All those men most likely think of me as an old codger who doesn’t know the first thing about this land, or the wars that have been waged here.”
Aleksandr looked to the floor, “I apologize, sir, it won’t happen again.”
“Again!? It should never have happened to start with, boy! You honestly expect those fools to return after today?” Danil began to pace about the small room, “and to think I believed that this lecture would have inspired those young men to stand up and join the army. Incredibly ignorant of me. Just so much ignorance today, it’s incredible.”
Aleksandr looked up to Danil, and then went to his seat to grab his sword, “Would you care to spar with me, Sir Danil?”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
Aleksandr raised his arm, aiming the sword at Danil’s chest as he began to pace back towards him, “Fight me, Danil! You’ve nothing better to do for the time being!”
“I said no! Listen to your elders, you ingrate!” Danil was smiling, “I’ve never met a more worthless warrior than you in my life! Your stance is awkward, and your posture is off!” Danil turned to his desk and collected his own sword, which he shackled to his left arm, “Come at me, you worthless soldier boy!”
Aleksandr smiled, then charged. Each swing was met with a parry. Each jab was met with a block.
“You’ve been training I see?” Danil smiled. He gave a heavy swipe from the side and disarmed Aleksandr, sending the sword flying to the side. “You could still use some more, dear boy.” Danil gave Aleksandr a firm pat on the back, “I’m thoroughly impressed with what you’ve shown me though!”
Aleksandr smiled, “I’ve been taught by a master.”
Danil’s smiled faded. He turned to his desk and deposited his sword carelessly on top, “This ‘master’ can’t even teach a few children to sit still. I’m losing my edge.”
“Don’t judge yourself by the actions of a few, Danil. You should know better.”
Danil smiled slightly, and turned towards the door. “Let’s go. It’s unsafe out here at this time of night.”
The two left the shack, which had been an abandoned building from decades ago. They were headed back to town as the light from the sky had already faded from peach to gray.
Aleksandr slowed to a stop after noticing movement in the distance, “Danil, wait!”
“What, a worm bite your foot?” Danil was chuckling slightly, “C’mon boy, let’s get a move on.”
Aleksandr held his hand up for silence, then motioned for Danil to come closer. The two peered through the foliage to view the road back to town, which had dozens of soldiers in perfect formation. The soldiers were headed the same way they were.
“Who do you s’pose they are, Danil?”
Danil looked worried, and started walking towards the town again, “Come Aleksandr, we’ve no time. We’ll cut through the forest.”
Confused, Aleksandr caught up to Danil.
“Those were soldiers from the empire. They usually never show their faces down here unless they’re on a man-hunt for a specific person. There are other reasons that might bring them down here as well, but those aren’t known to me. It’s best that we don’t get in their way for now.” Danil slowed to a stop, “Aleksandr, remember. If you get injured, I’m responsible. Don’t do anything foolish when we get back to town. No matter what you see, don’t try to be a hero.”
“A hero, sir?” Aleksandr was beginning to look worried, “Is there a reason those soldiers are headed towards Gilheist?”
“I wouldn’t know. Even if I did, it’s none of my business what goes on between the empire and the colonies. It’s just odd how the empire would send its troops out this far, when they govern on the far side of this planet.” Danil waved his hand through the air slowly, “Let’s just hurry back.”
As they neared the town, a large, bright glow could be seen in the distance. The town was being ravaged by a colossal fire, burning every building. The smoke billowed heavily from above, adding an even darker layer to the pitch black, night sky.
Both Danil and Aleksandr stood motionless, watching the smoke flow up in swirling motions to near infinite heights. Aleksandr was the first to break down. As he sank to his knees, the tears in his eyes began to push their way down his cheek.
“Aleksandr, do you remember when your father came to me, asking a favor of me; the favor that led to you staying with me, training night and day, ceaselessly, for the last seven years of your life?” Danil placed his hand on Aleksandr’s shoulder, “He did that because he knew that the Empire would eventually destroy him. He, himself, wasn’t a wanted criminal. Please do not believe this to be the case. He knew, though, that this town would not last. I trust that all the people have been evacuated safely in time for the Empire’s arrival.”
Aleksandr listened to Danil’s words carefully. He wanted something to cling to. He felt that all hope had been lost; that his life was over. Raising himself off of the floor, his face flushed red from anger. He shook off Danil’s hand, “Tell me why. Tell me why I never was told that this day would come?”
Danil simply shook his head, “Just remember what I told you earlier. Don’t go rushing in backwards with your head up your ass. You’re not a hero, son. Not yet, in the very least.”
Aleksandr turned to Danil who was smiling cheerfully, “Sir Danil, what did you mean by ‘not yet’?”
Danil walked a few paces forward to get a better view of the town, “I have hopes that you can gather enough followers to create a resistance. I have hopes that there actually is a future for these people, and this land. We are not the Empire’s puppets. Not any longer.” Danil let out a boisterous laugh, “Not any longer!”
He turned to Aleksandr, who stood motionless. Aleksandr just stared at him, deep in thought, “C’mon boy. I think the fire has died down enough to go check for any remaining activity.”
This story isn't near finished, but I think I'm putting too much effort in for what this forum topic is worth. I want criticism if possible please.
Edit: Grammar + Spelling
