SPACE STORY

[PrototypeCow]

All comments/criticism is appreciated.


“Houston control, this is Columbus 88. ETA until we can see Jupiter: 37 seconds.  Can you read?”
“Columbus 88, we hear you loud and clear, over.”
“Alright Control, I’m bringin’ her in.”
“Make sure to start the recording process and engage the safety thrusters so you don’t get sucked in. Over.”
…

“Columbus 88, are you there?”
“Control, there’s a weird-… we’re detecting huge amounts of-… can’t-“
“Don’t panic, we prepared for this. Engage the electromagnetic jammer to counter Jupiter’s effect on your electronics.”
…
…
“Houston, we have re-established communications. I’ve just got to say this is amazing. We are transmitting the recording live to the Control screen now, over.”
“Great to hear your voice again, Alex. Thought we lost you there for a moment. Receiving your transmission now, over.”
…
“Uh, Houston, we’re getting some abnormal readings on Jupiter’s gossamer ring. It seems to be fluctuating radio waves.”
…
“Columbus, is the jammer on?”
…
…
“Columbus, are you receiving? Is the jammer on?”
“Houston, the jammer IS on. We’ve just quadrupled checked every single system on here. Everything’s working fine.”
“Then how the hell are those waves getting past?”
“Houston, standby.”
…
“Control, we’re sending you a high resolution picture of an anomaly on the gossamer ring. Are you getting this?”
…
…
“Houston, do you copy?”
…
“Columbus, you are being ordered to send a recording of the waves.”
“Copy that, it’ll take a little bit.”
…
“Alright Control, what do we do now?”
…
“Columbus 88, you are to reverse your thrusters and proceed at maximum speed away from the anomaly. Do whatever it takes to jam those signals.”
…
“Repeat the order, control. We’re having a lot of interference over here.”
“I repeat, Columbus 88 is to reverse thrusters IMMEDIATELY and proceed at FULL speed towards Earth.”
“We can’t hea-… we’re gonna try to-… investigate findings-…”
“Columbus 88, this is a DIRECT ORDER from the Minister of Planetary Defense. TURN. AROUND.”

What do you guys think? (It's a work in progress)

[Ad Bot]

[Murkling]

All it is is dialogue.

[PrototypeCow]

Yes, it's supposed to be a transmission (from the future? :o) of a spacecraft exploring the solar system

[Dropshock]

A story has to be more than dialog, man.
But it sounds interesting so far.

[PrototypeCow]

Yeah, i'll probably do a space- setting kind of thing. Thanks for the comments :D

[Tingalz]

radio waves take between 35 and 52 minutes to travel inbetween earth and jupiter

[Texan101]

radio waves take between 35 and 52 minutes to travel inbetween earth and jupiter

We can learn to use light to send messages though, so it's alright.

[Tingalz]

We can learn to use light to send messages though, so it's alright.

i hope you're joking

[Altered]

radio waves take between 35 and 52 minutes to travel inbetween earth and jupiter

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Science_fiction

[Name is Unavailable]

Minister of Planetary Defence kinda looked weird to me. Maybe some other title would fit better, cause Minister gives off that European Government vibe instead of a high ranking member of whatever space program this is.

[PrototypeCow]

Minister of Planetary Defence kinda looked weird to me. Maybe some other title would fit better, cause Minister gives off that European Government vibe instead of a high ranking member of whatever space program this is.

Secretary? :o
anyways part 2

(at this time, indistinct whispering sounds are heard from the Columbus)
“This is the DSE ship sending out a Code One emergency distress code. Our wire board is fried from some kind of energy pulse that came from Jupiter. Life support systems are failing and we ar-“
“Columbus, we are sending a class 3 communication wave to you. Do you copy? I repeat, we are sending a class 3 wave to you.”
…
“Houston, we’re all screwed to hell up here, the engines are dead and we’re getting pulled into the c-.. Jesus, what is tha-… Houston, we have a visual on a-“
“Columbus, repeat transmission. Are you encountering an extraterrestrial?”
“Control there’s a gian-.. pulling out some kind of claw thi-… it’s grabbing our left-…”
“Columbus, at this time you are authorized to use primary Lance weapon on the entity. Get the hell out of there!”
“Firing main weap-… shot just bounced off somet-… GOD, IT’S COMING RIGHT FO-…” *static*
…
“Control, we just shot the hell out of one of it’s arm-things. We’re reversing as fast as we can. ET is appearing to be withdrawing.”
“Roger that Columbus, engage tertiary emergency engine to gain extra speed. Transmit coordinates of ET to HQ. Proceed with caution.”
…
…
“Wait what the heck is that-…OH GOD N-…”
“Columbus? Columbus 88, we’re detecting engine overloading, what’s the problem over there?”
…
…
“Help us-..”
“This is Control, we are sending a emergency military frigate to intercept. Stay alive.”