I've probably hit an all time low at the moment. I know these forums are probably the worst place to go for things like this but I hate talking to anyone I know in person about my problems and I need to vent.
It seems over this past week I've successfully lost a majority of my good friends. I've seriously forgeted up. Here is the story. I'm not going to mention names but I will identify everybody as friend 1, 2, 3, and 4. Me and friend 1 are close friends. I used to be able to trust her with anything. I could always go to her for help and vise versa. About a month ago friends 2, 3, and 4 went on this 3 day camping trip. I was told by another one of my best friends who went down for a day that friend 2,3, and 4 had been drinking and managed to get caught. As well as close friends, me and friends 1, 2, 3, and 4 are all coworkers. So friend 1 asked what happened with the other three and because we were such close friends I decided to tell her and her only under the agreement she tells nobody. Well a few days ago I woke up to multiple texts, the first one was friend 1 explaining how she was "so sorry". The other two were from friends 2 and 3 explaining how they feel I betrayed them, we were no longer friends, and how I should never speak to them again. You will learn why I take conflicts with friends so harshly below.
Its one confusing ass story but in the end 3 of my friends hate my guts and are probably telling other coworkers to not trust me as well. And I can no longer trust the person who I thought was my best friend for getting me into all this.
But that isn't all. I've started to notice my other "good group of friends" slowly seem to be turning on me as well. I really don't want to go into a full explanation of this one, but it seems like I am always overlooked lately by my once close friends.
So I pretty much feel as though I'm losing over half of my good friends for reasons I doubt I can fix anytime soon.
But that's not even all. During all this I felt like I've had nobody to go to. When something like this happens, I try to focus my attention toward something else. At the beginning of the week I sent in my app for firefighting. I figured with all this going on, training would be a great way to take my mind off this stuff. Which it would, if the firestation would have responded. I'm not sure how long it takes a station to respond to apps but in my current state of mind I think I've given up hope on that. So pretty much the one thing I had to look forward to might not have accepted me.
Normally, stuff like this wouldn't bug me. But theirs one thing that dramatically increases how much all this sucks. Though it hasn't been diagnosed, I believe I may have a small bit of depression. While it doesn't affect me at all times, this condition sparks up when I'm either in a fight with close friends, when I think people are doing things behind my back, or when I find out I wasn't invited to things by close friends. The feeling comes on at random and lasts about and hour, then, I feel completely fine again. When the feeling occurs its literally like the worst thing I can experience. I feel lack of energy to do anything, betrayed, like I can turn to nobody, and generally like everybody is against me.
But like I said, being a minor condition it only lasts about an hour then goes away. Normally. But now isn't normal, I've never had this many bad things happen at once and last for this long. This entire week has pretty much been hell. Only 4 people known about my minor depression. Like I said, I hate telling people my problems. I will go out of my way to try and hide when I'm feeling the effects. If people ask whats wrong I will just say nothing and further hide it until it goes away. And the 4 people are my closest, er, once closest friends. I don't mind telling people on here because I don't know any of you in real life.
Oh, and by the way, I know their will be a few starfishs who try to exploit the minor condition. But just as a disclaimer only conflicts with close friends can cause it, sorry guys.
Anyway, if you managed to read all of that, kudos to you. If you are waiting for a tl:dr, their is none, feel free to leave the topic. I would normally never comes to the forums about this, but I think I just need to vent.
