Anyone want to proof read essay? If you dont like to read, dont bother.

[SlayerZ99]

This is what I have so far. I'm not good at essays and I absolutely hate it when my parents try to proof read.
btw I still have 2 more paragraphs to write :C

   In Geeks bearing Gifts Renee starts out writing this paper of who she believe is outsiders. She slowly realizes that the “outsiders” are not really outsiders at all. She realizes that they’re all part of this group who hang out together and that the real “outsiders” are the “in-crowd”. In WWJD Susan is a girl who strongly believes in the concept of What Would Jesus Do. She is constanly showing forgiveness to the antagonist who keeps bullying her. When the antagonist breaks he wood shop project, she decides to walk out onto ice and bring the antagonist with her. He falls in and she says, “Jesus couldn’t save everyone” Events in people’s like can change them. They can change for the better, or for the worst. Renee, who believes the “outsiders” are the kids who are weird,or gay, or teenage moms changes her mind and friends them. It seems that Renee changed for the better. Susan, on the other hand, seems to change for the worse. She is so upset that the antagonist, Joey, broke her wood shop project that she stops forgiving and lets him drown.

   In Geeks bearing Gifts Renee is the protagonist. She is doing this report of what she thinks is “outsiders”. She spends time with them and after talking with them so much, she realized. These people aren’t outsiders at all. She notices how these people are looked down on, and judged because of who they are or what they’ve done. Some of the stuff they cant even control. She changes what she thinks of people. She learns not to judge people until you get to know the real them.
 
   In WWJD Susan is the protagonist. She is bullied constantly by the antagonist Eddie. Eddie keeps bullying her but she keeps forgiving him. She gets the chance to get Eddie kicked out of the school but doesn’t take the opportunity and says she forgave him. Eddie didn’t understand and he took it too far with the bullying, destroying her wood work project. She gets very upset and walks out onto this thing ice. Eddie was edging her on asking if she was gonna kill herself. She tells Eddie to come out onto the ice and he does, but he falls through. She walks over to where Eddie has fallen threw and sits there, watching him, just out of reach. She says “Jesus couldn’t save everyone”


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[Ad Bot]

[Hiiro326]

This is what I have so far. I'm not good at essays and I absolutely hate it when my parents try to proof read.


In “Geeks bearing Gifts” Renee starts out writing this paper of who she believe is outsiders. She slowly realizes that the “outsiders” are not really outsiders at all. She realizes that they’re all part of this group who hang out together and that the real “outsiders” are the “in-crowd”. In “WWJD” Susan is a girl who strongly believes in the concept of What Would Jesus Do. She is constanly showing forgiveness to the antagonist who keeps bullying her. When the antagonist breaks he wood shop project, she decides to walk out onto ice and bring the antagonist with her. He falls in and she says, “Jesus couldn’t save everyone” Events in people’s like can change them. They can change for the better, or for the worst. Renee, who believes the “outsiders” are the kids who are weird,or gay, or teenage moms changes her mind and friends them. It seems that Renee changed for the better. Susan, on the other hand, seems to change for the worse. She is so upset that the antagonist, Joey, broke her wood shop project that she stops forgiving and lets him drown.
In “Geeks bearing Gifts”  Renee is the protagonist. She is doing this report of what she thinks is “outsiders”. She spends time with them and after talking with them so much, she realized. These people aren’t outsiders at all. She notices how these people are looked down on, and judged because of who they are or what they’ve done. Some of the stuff they cant even control. She changes what she thinks of people. She learns not to judge people until you get to know the real them.
In “WWJD” Susan is the protagonist. She is bullied constantly by the antagonist Eddie. Eddie keeps bullying her but she keeps forgiving him. She gets the chance to get Eddie kicked out of the school but doesn’t take the opportunity and says she forgave him. Eddie didn’t understand and he took it too far with the bullying, destroying her wood work project. She gets very upset and walks out onto this thing ice. Eddie was edging her on asking if she was gonna kill herself. She tells Eddie to come out onto the ice and he does, but he falls through. She walks over to where Eddie has fallen threw and sits there, watching him, just out of reach. She says “Jesus couldn’t save everyone”

You should Italisize and underline the title, not quotes

[Messes]

This is an essay?

Try to separate it into multiple paragraphs, usually consisting of an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion.

[SlayerZ99]

You should Italisize and underline the title, not quotes

they were.
just didnt show up here.
Ill fix

This is an essay?

Try to separate it into multiple paragraphs, usually consisting of an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion.

it was but when I ctrl+v it messed it up will fix that too

[Talent74]

"Eddie keeps on bullying me, and now he has destroyed my woodshop project! What would Jesus do? I know! I'll make him walk out with me on thin ice, let him fall in, and not make an attempt to help him whatsoever!"

[Trifax]

Don't underline the title of the book. Italicize it for sure, but don't underline.

[SeventhSandwich]

essays are supposed to be completely in present tense.

anything past tense needs to GTFO

ex:

She spends time with them and after talking with them so much, she realized. These people aren’t outsiders at all.

"realizes"

your grammar is off too.


additionally, you don't have a legitimate thesis statement and your body paragraphs fail to connect. (because there is no thesis statement)

also you need to write an in-text citation for each quote.

like this

(Author's last name, page number) do not put a comma.

[SlayerZ99]

My thesis is supposed to be

Events in people’s like can change them. They can change for the better, or for the worst. Renee, who believes the “outsiders” are the kids who are weird,or gay, or teenage moms changes her mind and friends them. It seems that Renee changed for the better. Susan, on the other hand, seems to change for the worse. She is so upset that the antagonist, Joey, broke her wood shop project that she stops forgiving and lets him drown.

But its not a good one, because 1) I'm not very good at essays 2) He never helped me :U

[Nickelob Ultra]

For titles, you only underline them.  No italics.  That's the MLA standard.

Try something else instead of "In Title, bla bla bla de bla".  Use something else that creates a better hook, like "Title is a book that contains many themes, such as (x) and (y)."

[SlayerZ99]

This is only a rough draft btw
just to let you guys know

[dorkdotdan]

Here we go.
  In Geeks bearing Gifts Renee starts out writing this paper of who she believe is^are outsiders. She slowly realizes that the “outsiders” are not really outsiders at all. She realizes that they’re all part of this group who hang out together and that the real “outsiders” are the “in-crowd”. In WWJD(,) Susan is a girl who strongly believes in the concept of What Would Jesus Do. She is constanly showing forgiveness to the antagonist who keeps bullying her. When the antagonist breaks he_her wood shop project, she decides to walk out onto ice and bring the antagonist with her. He falls in and she says, “Jesus couldn’t save everyone” Events in people’s like_life can change them. They can change for the better, or for the worst. Renee, who believes the “outsiders” are the kids who are weird,(Add a space after commas)or gay, or teenage moms changes her mind and friends them. It seems that Renee changed for the better. Susan, on the other hand, seems to change for the worse. She is so upset that the antagonist, Joey, broke her wood shop project that she stops forgiving and lets him drown.

   In Geeks bearing Gifts Renee is the protagonist. She is doing this report of what she thinks is “outsiders”. She spends time with them and after talking with them so much, she realized. These people aren’t outsiders at all. She notices how these people are looked down on, and judged because of who they are or what they’ve done. Some of the stuff they can(')t even control. She changes what she thinks of people. She learns not to judge people until you get to know the real them.
 
   In WWJD Susan is the protagonist. She is bullied constantly by the antagonist Eddie. Eddie keeps bullying her but she keeps forgiving him. She gets the chance to get Eddie kicked out of the school but doesn’t take the opportunity and says she forgave him. Eddie didn’t understand and he took it too far with the bullying, destroying her wood work project. She gets very upset and walks out onto this thing_thin ice. Eddie was edging her on asking if she was gonna kill herself. She tells Eddie to come out onto the ice and he does, but he falls through. She walks over to where Eddie has fallen threw_through and sits there, watching him, just out of reach. She says “Jesus couldn’t save everyone”


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Seeing as I read on a 12^th Grade reading level in the 7^th Grade, I think you can trust me edits.

Key:
_{Spelling Errors are underscored}
^{Grammatical Errors are overscored}
(Things like Commas, Spaces, and Apostrophes are in Parenthesis)

[Trifax]

This is what I have so far. I'm not good at essays and I absolutely hate it when my parents try to proof read.
btw I still have 2 more paragraphs to write :C

   In Geeks bearing Gifts Renee starts out writing this paper of who she believe is outsiders. She slowly realizes that the outsiders are not who she initially believed were the outsiders. She realizes that the "outsiders" are all part of a group who hang out together, which means that the real “outsiders” are the “in-crowd”. Susan, a girl struggling to find her place, strongly believes in the concept of 'What Would Jesus Do'. She is constantly showing forgiveness to the antagonist, who continuously bullies her, despite her compassion. When the antagonist breaks her wood shop project, Susan decides to walk out onto a frozen pond, just to pass the time, and she brings the antagonist with her. The rather malevolent side of Susan begins to come out of the woodwork, when the antagonist falls in and instead of helping him, she calmly says, “Jesus couldn’t save everyone”. Events in people’s life can change the person, for better or for worse. Renee, who believes the “outsiders” are the weird kids, gay kids, or the teenage moms, changes her mind and becomes friends with many of them. It seems that Renee changed for the better. Susan, on the other hand, seems to change for the worse. She is so upset that the antagonist, Joey, broke her wood shop project that she stops forgiving and lets him drown.

   Renee, the previously mentioned character who was fond of misjudging people, is the protagonist. She is doing a report on who she believes to be “outsiders”. She spends time with them and after talking with them so much, she realizes they are not outsiders at all. She notices how practically everyone is condescending to these kids, and that these kids are judged because of who they are or what they’ve done. It is a sad fact, because people shouldn't have to change who they are to meet somebody else's standards. With this realization comes a change of heart and mind for Renee. Gaining a new aspect on how the social classes of her school have oppressed those "weird kids" who are all wonderful people. Renne learns not to judge people until she has gotten to know them, and spent some real time with them.
 
   In WWJD Susan is the protagonist. She is bullied constantly by the antagonist Eddie. Eddie keeps bullying her but she keeps forgiving him. She gets the chance to get Eddie kicked out of the school but doesn’t take the opportunity and says she forgave him. Eddie didn’t understand and he took it too far with the bullying, destroying her wood work project. She gets very upset and walks out onto this thing ice. Eddie was edging her on asking if she was gonna kill herself. She tells Eddie to come out onto the ice and he does, but he falls through. She walks over to where Eddie has fallen threw and sits there, watching him, just out of reach. She says “Jesus couldn’t save everyone”

I edited most of it, the last paragraph I'm not going to bother with, but there's a lot i can say already, so here we go:

There isn't much structure to this essay. You've introduced a lot of ideas multiple times, so the first two paragraphs are virtually the same information, although the second is expanded. The essay is out of order, and things seem to be described and discussed at random. The key to keeping an organized paper that is easy to follow, and gets your point across, is to follow a simple format:

Introduction
-includes thesis statement, summarizing main points of the essay

1st body paragraph
-intro sentence
-concrete detail, quote from the text
-discussion of the detail
-another CD
-more discussion

2nd body paragraph
-same as 1st

(optional, based on amount of info needed/point being discussed) 3rd body paragraph
-same as 1 and 2

Conclusion
-re-state thesis
-bring ideas to a close

Alrighty then. You also need to limit how much introductory information you're giving. You don't want the essay to be a summary of the book, although you do need some context. So I would limit that background information to only what is relative, and an overall introduction to the book should take no more than a sentence.

You're not getting your point across very well. It's not clear what you're trying to tell us, when we read it.


Bottom line:
This essay needs a stuff ton of work if you expect a good grade on it. Not sure what grade you're in, but if you get all this info about essay's down pat before too long, high school english (and college i guess) will be easier. There's a lot more to work on, but start with that. Let me know if you want extended help on it, I'm a pretty good editor.

Thanks to dorkdot for the grammatical corrections. Content is most important, so try to focus on that as well.

[SlayerZ99]

Thanks, now I just gonna work on this a ton tonight :C
Im in 9th grade btw.

[Nickelob Ultra]

Thanks, now I just gonna work on this a ton tonight :C
Im in 9th grade btw.

Here's one of my papers from freshman year;

Nicholas ######
Mr. ######, 415-03
Honors World History
7 December 2010
The Influence of the Greeks Today
The ideology and intellectual ideas that take root in Greek and Hellenistic civilizations have helped push humanity forward in practices like medicine, science and mathematics even before the 20th century.  Without most of the ideas we use from Ancient Greek culture, many earlier ideas that we created would be stalled and as a result would hold back many more ideas in a chain of effect.    However, in some ways, this is false.
One of the ideologies and philosophies of the ancient Greeks was that there was a scientific reason believed to be behind everyday problems.  While this gave an easy explanation, it wasn't a truthful one.  In what was called the "pre-Socratic" era, philosophers and ideologists began to start thinking about what really goes on in the world.  A few of their ideas involved atoms and what the basic materials of nature really are.  Another form of newer mathematics was the logging of the data of various geographical data, such as the topography of the surrounding region, the distance from city to city, the population, ethnic demographics, and even ethnography, the description of a person's physical characteristics.  In their literature, they had stopped writing in typical poetic language, and instead wrote in prose, or everyday speech, in their stories such as the Iliad and the Odyssey.  In addition to their changed literature, the Greeks had a strong liking for history.  One such Greek historian, Herodotus, was claimed to be the father of history after writing a book containing stories, ideas, records and other information involving history in a book titles Histories.  This helped push us in the modern age and industrial revolution era by finding out more about how the Greeks solved problems.
In contrast towards the positive aspects of the philosophies and ideologies, the belief systems seem to be more of an obstacle towards progress.  In the older days of what was ancient Greece, it was believed that the Gods had been the creator of natural disasters, famines, or good fortunes upon people.   This was the original belief system adopted by the Greeks.  After some time, however, the Greeks began to use the skills of logic, reasoning and science to prove what really causes any particular event to happen.  Like most belief systems, they tend to create their own creation stories and explanations for nature.  For instance, the Greeks believed the world was born from Gaea as the Earth and Ouranos as the sky and heavens.  Along with the clouded reasoning, the Greeks began to have a tendency towards blaming problems on a god or gods, and began offering sacrifices in rituals to them.  Most philosophers of that day and today as well consider this to be a bit wrong, only due to the fact that most belief systems conflict with scientifically proven theories.
In conclusion, it would seem like only the philosophies and ideologies of the Greeks and Hellenistic civilization were really more of a positive influence.  The belief systems, on the other hand, more or less acted as an obstacle in the pursuit of science for most philosophers or mathematicians of the area.  Altogether, however, it can be strongly stated that the ideas of the Greeks have been a push forward for science, math and logic in the 20th century.

Three pages double spaced courier new.

Got me a 95% btw.

[Kazami]

A couple things:
Eddie keeps bullying her but she keeps forgiving him. This is a compound sentence a comma goes after the her.

When the antagonist breaks he wood shop project... I entirely didn't understand this sentence.

She spends time with them and after talking with them so much, she realized. These people aren’t outsiders at all. This sentence could stay the same way if you meant for it to be like a dramatic pause. Because that's what the period is intending. But the other way is just erase the period after realized and replace it with a comma and make the sentence end with the end of the other sentence.

Events in people’s like can change them. I think you meant to say life instead of like.

She gets the chance to get Eddie kicked out of the school but doesn’t take the opportunity and says she forgave him. Once again compound sentence. Put comma after school. And forgave should be forgives. I might even change the whole sentence and say something like "She gets an opportunity to get Eddie kicked out of the school, but denies it, because she forgave him about everything he did.

She is constanly. Constantly is spelled wrong.

That's some of the things I noticed but I'm too tired to find anything else. Hoped I helped =D.