Writing a story.

[nienhaus1]

Me and my broth are going to the same schools now so he just randomly asked me if I would write a story and see who's is better. I still have no title and I don't know what his story is about but still/ Ok here is what I got so far.

I sit there on the bench, it's a chilly and dark night. I hear someone walking by so I look up to the left, I see an average man wearing a black trench coat and a dark grey collared shirt with a logo the represent the Kinoes Steam Ship company on his trench coat. He also has an aviator hat with gold tented googles. So I wave to him and say hello. He just looks at me and says, "Leave me alone, kid." As he says that I am looking into his eyes and they're as dark and cold as this night.

Yeah that's all I have...
How was it?

[Ad Bot]

[TeslaCoil]

You should have written a little bit more. I'd say about 5/10
It's good for a start, and with more practice it could be even better. I'm no writer but this is probably what I would have done it like in your position

"It was.. interesting..." said the man as he awkwardly adjusted his coat.
"You could use a bit of practice though, here, Step onto my ship and I'll show you how to write."
You had no reason to mistrust the man, with his strange coat and hunched demeanor. Maybe he has a family and a kid or two, he looked like a family man. With a almost nervous grin, you decided to take no chances anyway. It was time to bail out of this bench.
"Oh ho ho, look at the time! I would Mr. but I can't hang around, dinner is probably brewin' and my folks may be getting worried!"
The man simply shrugged and said "suit yourself", and hobbled off to wherever he was slinking to to begin with. You couldn't believe your luck, you thought it would have been harder to get rid of him, and your almost transparent lie about dinner at home looked too weak even for the likes of him. Suddenly another man appeared, looking far more groomed and straightened out. The man Stood tall in a shorter blue jacket, with velvet lining inside and the steps he made toward you were met with a thunking noise with every right step he made. It soon occurred to you that the second man was missing his leg and a dark black eyepatch shrouded his left eye as he got closer. He too was also labeled with a company, but it was the Nirvana Steam Cargo Corperation. His dark black hair was topped off with a tophat and a large set of gears hanging on the sides. This was a man who looked like he meant business besides the man that just recently past. You did however notice the first man standing quietly under a dysfunctional lampost, watching you and the second arrival. The peg legged man finally reached you.
"Heh! Hello there boy! I need to talk to ye!" he shouted with a gravelly voice.

[Kill All]

Peraper auns

[nienhaus1]

You should have written a little bit more. I'd say about 5/10
It's good for a start, and with more practice it could be even better. I'm no writer but this is probably what I would have done it like in your position

Well I wrote that in about 5 minutes I haven't added anything after that. Also the man who walks past just got laid off from your fathers company. He also has no family and no house he lives on his ship.

[TheLegomaster]

I think you should write a bit more. I can't "feel" your writing style from so little text.
Try writing a page or two, and post that.

[TeslaCoil]

Also the man who walks past just got laid off from your fathers company. He also has no family and no house he lives on his ship.

The main character made a guess lol. Anyways, are you aiming for a steampunk theme? Because It's fun to build onto this story.

[Katadeus]

tented googles

Come again?

[Firecycle]

I sit there on the bench, it's a chilly and dark night. I hear someone walking by so I look up to the left, I see an average man wearing a black trench coat and a dark grey collared shirt with a logo the represent the Kinoes Steam Ship company on his trench coat. He also has an aviator hat with gold tented googles. So I wave to him and say hello. He just looks at me and says, "Leave me alone, kid." As he says that I am looking into his eyes and they're as dark and cold as this night.

Bolded a spelling mistake, it's supposed to be tinted. It's an okay opener, but Present-tense usually sounds clumsy and should generally be avoided. Good luck, I can't wait to read more.

[Orion]

you can't be better if you don't use grammar correctly :|

[Jerkface]

Bolded a spelling mistake, it's supposed to be tinted. It's an okay opener, but Present-tense usually sounds clumsy and should generally be avoided. Good luck, I can't wait to read more.

You didn't bold the "Googles" part? 

[.::Taboo::.]

it bothers me when people poop out a vague paragraph and call it story

which reminds me, despite having not finished the main series i'm working on, i should make a thread for the sixth book i just started working on
actually it's not even a book, call it novel length "fan-fiction" only not stuffty

[Firecycle]

Yes, Taboo is defiantly right about the vagueness.

[Menen]

Me and my broth

[Katadeus]

You might as well summon the god of Ovaltine and have him derail it, Menen.

[Orion]

Yes, Taboo is defiantly right about the vagueness.