Hey guys my name is Tom. I'm a reporter for London Today, writing a report on America. I have gathered all the information I could get on it off of leftist websites on the internet, so I can attempt to force my views on everyone else. I am an edgy yet rebellious youth living in London, England and I drive my Toyota Prius over to the Starbucks to use my Apple Macbook PROFESSIONAL, and I am here to explain why America is not equal to my beautiful England, and it's other European counterparts.
To start off, we beat you in every war we fought in. The war of 1812 for an example, we even went as far as to burn your silly american's capital. The American Revolution was a lie, King George simply hated the land of America and gave it away to you. Err, hang on, my green tea is ready. Let me ready my 7 pounds for a single glass of tea.
Speaking of wars, you guys steal oil from those tiny Arabian nations. American's say that they are policing the area, but everyone knows that they killed Saddam Hussein because he refused to give up Iraq's oil. I can understand where he is coming from, not wanting to give hulking fat asses with sweat pouring down their foreheads just to simply move their arm to hang him a cut of his prized possession. You Americans are all just big, fat, hairy bullies with nothing better to do than eat and fart while watching American Football.
Alright then. Why the hell do you guys have steering wheels on the left side of your car? This has always perplexed my 17 year old mind. It's like someone took all the stupid ideas that man has ever created and gave them to America. I don't think America has ever even invented anything, except maybe crime. Ignoring the differences in population completely, America has 10x more homicides a year than Endland's 1,000.
Also, look at their literacy rate. 97 percent. England has 98 percent. It just shows that England is that much better than America. If you were to take England's population and give it a reading test, more people would pass than America, also ignoring the massive difference in population again. But population doesn't matter because England is cool.
Have any of you been to America? I haven't, but I know that is is all slums and cities that are not kept up like my beautiful London, with it's urban sprawl and all that goodness. American cities are all dirty and polluted, with a couple stabbings every night.
To further prove my point at how cool England is, we are awesome. That is all.
Thank you for listening to my whiny little heart and it's desires so I can whine all day about wanting socialism in England and how I want to change the world but I do nothing all day long about my dreams.
